I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you

Today in My Life

2011-11-30T14:42:00.001+08:00

So my As have ended. I shant do a review here of my As lah. I dun wana go collect results. Who wants to be my proxy? haha. Ya the feeling of finishing As is orgasmic. Tho abit regret coz i knw i cld hv done better. i mean we all can. But watever. Im done w eductaion haha.

So my bday just ended and i gt the sweetest surprise haha. It was the largest bday ive had in a rly long time in terms of scale haha. it kps getting better each yr haha. Okay i knew there was gona be a surprise coz saifullah and shiya burst the bubble bt still i was rly surprised! So first Saiful cabbed to my place. He blindfolded me the moment we gt out of jurong and alr warndmed the driver nt to tell me where we are gg haha. Bt the driver said it was a rly good plan. Then we stopped and i cldnt recognise the place at first. I saw us gg towards wdlands and made the connection. Voila we were at Singapore Zoo.haha like Wth at first! Ud never guess such a surprise right. So we went to KFC and saiful showed ne the gift he made for me. it was BEAUTIFUL. I LOVED IT. A t shirt that asked ppl to say haply bday to me and has leona and bunnies and gaga and baberella on it haha. Except tt it was spoilt abit bt watever haha. So we gt into the zoo. It was free for me. U knw ful spent abt $100 fr the celebration. Like the $40 cab and his ticket and the present that he HANDMADE. Then i gt a badge and they said ill get free ice cream and sme discounts yay haha.

Went in, walked arnd aimlessly. Coz ful was waiting fr the next surprise. I then ran into ZHI HAO HAHAHA. I was like omg. Like what is he doing here?! and when he din look shocked then it occured to me hw hes kike the next surprise haha. Then he brought us to sme pavillion and gt us lost along the way haha. Saw mik and chris there too yay. i was a lil too overdressed fr the zoo hahaha.

Then they blindfolded me again, cut cake. Then it rained like a bitch pmsing. Rain stop rain stop. argh. Yhen presents. Omg i gt rly rly amazing gifts. Chris gt me a book called Outliers, a super cute Pacman hoodie and a card! Zh and saifullah and Mik made me this rly awesome Book of memories that means so much to me. W pics and a fairy tale story. Our story documented in such a beautiful way. Q and mik got me a card that was SO CUTE and had cats! haha oh and they gt me a CAT. HAHA A SUPER CUTE WHITE CAT DOLL THAT I LOVE SO MUCH CALED SNOWY HAHAHA. hahaha. U guys are such an awesome bunch! then went to eat cake all. Saw shows and animals haha. i was rly imoressed by the sealion show. He was SO CIUTE. it made me want a sealion haha. Had fun at fragile forest, sought refuge frm the rain at the snake place where the guide was super sweet and kept telling us cool stuff. there was this 4.3 m long king cobra found in singapore that was there so cool. Then gt my free ice cream strawberry that we shared haha. And ate at KFC. My hand nearly gt bitten by Candy the horse coz i was trynga put wat i learnt at RDA to practice haha. It was so freaky omg. Saw bunnies all. it was such an awesome day. we ended arnd 6pm! Then saiful and i came to my hse fr slpover coz my parents were in KL haha. it was rly fun. I love saiful so much fr spearheading it! And u guys who spent time and money coming down and making the gifts and buying stuff and making me feel so so so loved. Sighh hahaha i love u all so so many.

K nw that As are ended im so so stressed. So many tjings to do!! Need to gym, prepare fr prom, change my phone contract, register fr driving. Amd so little time omg. And i hvnt gt my enlistment still omgggg. k i gtg nw ciaoss

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Today in My Life

2011-11-15T01:03:00.001+08:00

Hello! Im officially half way thru my As. Im not gonna go into detail how i felt for each paper lah. I dun want people using me as a gauge for the bell curve. Like if i say a paper was hard then ppl might think it will be easier for them to get A? Idk. I never evn tweet abt my As papers so ya. Actly just 3 more days of papers left. And then 2 more days of MCQ. Then dahbis. my bdae is coming. Again. Kimda excited abit, to turn legal. But scared lah. AS USUAL. I always get scared when my bday comes. Esp hoe it cimes faster and fadter each yr. Means im growing older.. Hmm.. I dun want eh. Im scared...

Anyways i decided on a long list of stuff to do aft As. I duno my enlistment date still siah. Argh. But ya. I guess im nt gona work. We are all gona work our lives away anyway right? And only at a time like this we can all dedicate to helping others fully. No other time in our life will we be able to do so to this extent. So ya i contacted Alicia and asked abt joining her at RDA which is a rly awesome org in.my opinion. Ive always wanted to be part bt circumstances din allow. So yup finally. i wana go pursue my passion fr kids too. No im nt getting married -.- I wana help at a childrens home! Like play w kids and make them happy! But then the lure of money *is* tempting. I mean if i work and earn like $500 also i can like go concerts,.go universal studio, go holidays etc. Go shoping haha.

I cant wait for prom omg. and i still hvnt gotten wat to wear yet! Apparently my classmates getting a hotel rm aft prom which is uber cool hahahaha. K im gona leave you guys w 2 pics i took today. i was greeted by a huge rainbow outside my room window this morning. And check out the CUTE lepak Kitty whos HUGE AND OMG SO CUTE. that i saw while walking home. I wanted to wake him up and play but oh well he was sooo comfortable on the sofa alr. Yes a sofa haha. K take care peeps.

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Today in My Life

2011-11-03T14:22:00.001+08:00

Hey its November already. Havent been blogging here coz i recorded alot of my life on adamgagasm.blogspot while saiful was away in OBS. So this week is Hari Raya Haji. This Sunday. Next wednesday my As officially begin all the way to 22 Nov. Then its as good as over till the 29 November. Yay. I am going to screw up i think. I have been working lah but its a case of a little too late? But whatever. Im smart. And the world is huge. And ya theres still time to study during the As too i guess. During those breaks. Im scared for the As.. Sigh.. Okay lah im gona go bathe soon and work. Wish me luck kay. Cant wait for after As. Theres gonna be prom and then i wana go overseas fr like 2 days w a fren or stg. Then NS and my life will chamge so much. Kinda very excited but abit anxious? Like things will change alot and im nt the kind to embrace chamges easily. Alot of inertia know. ( Proof that im studying) Yeah.. But oh well.. And u hvnt gotten my enlistment yet when 3/4 of the world have gotten it. I was asked to redo my Medical agaim coz they.asked me to go too early (30 March) and it wld have expured by enlistment so ya. I shant rant abt ineffeciency. So they sent me a letter saying im to be enlisted from Dec to Mar and to retake the Medical. Went and my ECG screwed up again. So ya i had to go down again amd retake my ECG. Gahh. But got PESB1 again. Its been a few wks knw still havent get yet arghh...

Okay lah. Good luck to all whos doing As! :)

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Today in My Life

2011-07-31T22:48:00.002+08:00

Okay so its the end of July today. The past 10 days have been really amazing. In fact things have been amazing since Bros bday on 8 July where we surprised him w a celebration at Marina Barrage. It was rly cool. W ulfah fadhil amirah syafinah and adlyn who later joined us. And random ppls. I pray for bro. I pray for my family and brosfamily to be happy all their lives. And then on July 20 Bro was attached to Alpha Division Polu e stuff where he got to observe how real police do their stuff it was REALLY cool. And best part is he gets to go home every day yay.

So ya i try to send and fetch him whenevrr i can. Hear the stories he tell me. He even appeared on newspaper siah! So cool! But ihavent seen it yet... Ya. So we spent alot of time tgther, as compared to the last 172 days. It rly rly felt so much like pre ns times. Its magical. But it came to an end today. 31 July. He just booked in :( Oh and yesterday we had Josephines party! It was fun! Playing w her kids hahaha. And Joseph is so so sweet. Then aft that chilled w mik fr a short while and went to wait fr bro for one hour for him to end his class gathering to fetch him to my hse fr a slpover yay! The slpover ended today lah. Then sent him to yishun. Came back and caught up w sleep. Oh i saw fireworks twice yesterday. At Marina Bay and at Paya Lebar hahaha Yay! Festive.

And today, Terawih began. Fasting starts tomorrow. Again. Its kimda emotional for me coz now Nenek isnt arnd anymre and i rly dun wana cry over it anymre but i cant stop my tears smetimes.. :( The memories are just so so dark and vivid... sigh.. I love u nenek. I miss u so so so much...

Anyway Tmrws August. Saifulashraff2.0 hit back hard. Now its gona be AshraffAli2.0. Just a 120+ days left to the end of As. I can do this. I must.

Today in My Life

2011-06-30T23:05:00.002+08:00

Okay people quick blog post before i sleep. Okay so i din go to sch today. spent my time slacking eating tried studying fr maths and planning the slpover w bro. I cant wait for the slpover omg. Its y sth that ive been wanting ages ages ages ago and phew finally im getting it. Well i cant slpover in bros hse as much as i dun mind coz my parents are kinda difficult but ya. So bro can come slpover here.

So tmrw theres gonna be restructured timetable. Nonsense lectures lah. Then 1115 my math CT starts. Ill be skipping solat. Then 3 hrs later it ends. Then chem from 430-730. Yes ppl i hv cts till like 8 pm tmrw -.- and best part is i never studied for chem at all. Can u see how that spells ims crewed in caps. Okay and todays the last day of june. Tnrws july whoosh. These Cts mark many new first times for me siah. forst time skiping. first time gg in without studying at all. but ya i need to buck up. Ill start studying aft CTs. I need to do my parents and bro proud. I wanan improve like shit fr prelims coz if i were to apply for scholarships they will look at prelims results as well. Okay lah actky the june hols din go tt much to waste like i can safely say im on track for math? ya. Chem and phy like ok ok. Oh econs hha.Din touch aat all siah. Okay okay ill need to prep for prelims alr. Il start next week. Ill learn frm my beloved bro.

And next wks saifuls bday! :D i hv nthng plabned so far shit. i scrapped it all. gahhh.

Today in My Life

2011-06-29T22:35:00.002+08:00

hey. So ya Junes ending. Yesterday was my sisters birthday. Shes 20. Next weeks bros birthday. A week ago was Q's bdae and Brians also. YA. Im gonna keep this post short coz im nt in the best of moods. Ok so updates on my life. Went to Phuket, Thailand from 11-14 June. It was rly awesome. Okay Actly rite i felt the hols gg rather slowly before the trip but aft i came back frm phuket phoosh it all flew by just like that. Then ya i tried studying for Cts. Keyword being TRIEd. haha.

So Monday was the first CTs of Term 3. Physics. Okay when i said study i meant doing maths. So ya i din touch physics at all And i dun expect anyth above a U. I was out w saiful the day before the phy paper okay. The whole day. So ya. Then i came back and suay kenna bladder infection. Ya i was peeing not pee but raw blood every two mins or so it was scary okay. Thought gt cancer or sth. But mik and saiful were there for me playing vastly diff roles. I love them <3
Ya im better now. Todays Wednesday. My CTs for chem and math postponed till Friday so ya.

And yhis weekend im probably gonna have a sleepover w saiful Its the only near thing im looking forward to in life rite now but it might be cancelled coz hes kinda unwell. Hope hes okay.

Been doing alot of thinking lately. Like really alot. Im just so so confused u knw. Im so confused. Am I rly deserving of being loved? I used to think not. But my heart melt into the ground and found something true. And everyone thought I was going crazy, in love. Nothing was ever greater than the rush that came w ur embrace. In this world of lonliness i only saw ur face. But now, my hearts crippled by the vein that I myself keep on closing. You cut me open and ill keep bleeding love, while wearing these scars for everyone to see.

Today in My Life

2011-06-01T23:02:00.003+08:00

Okay so the new exco was chosen today. The new Secretary, none other than Quraisya. Im so proud of how shes the new sec but it also means that Im stepping down. I feel so so sad you knw. Like really. I JUST joined dance! Its so unfair. there could be so many mre gd times... and its rly THE END you know. Like ya i can always visit and stuff but rly saiful visits dance coz we are there. Next year Ill visit coz of Q. aft they graduate whos there left to like rly rmber me and appreciate my presence. of coz i wanna visit and stuff lah but still awkward kan. and nt frgetting NS. Ya... I cant even join the alumni dance they might put up and when im free aft NS no one wld prob recognize me in dance except those who were under me. Its so so sad. Malay dance is a huge part of me. When i first came into NJ it was MLD that made the change so so smooth, so seamless. MLD helped me so much. Taught me so much abt bastards who suck up for positions. Bastards who think highly of themselves. Annoying People. MLD taught me to love and accept them for the gd points tt they have and nt how they are bastards. MLD is Love. Seriously.

Anyways Its the first day if June. Well i started abit of work but ya i gave up for thw nite alr. but hey its a start. and tmew will be better than today i hope. Was msging bro just now he was telling me how i shld do work also which is kinda truw. This Alvls will rly determine my life. If i wana be like bro i need to study like bro! i will be better tmrw hopefully! Theres nothing really going on in my life right now lah. Boring shit. So Ill end here k bye

Today in My Life

2011-05-31T22:49:00.003+08:00

So yeah I took a break from blogging for a month or so. So to update, we basically got Gold with Honours for our SYF. We were one of the 4 schools out of 89 that got Gold with Honours! Our hard work has truly paid off on the 14 April this year. It was simply orgasmic.

Then there was Aristal which din go as well but hey we are the GWH team. Aristal was on 18 May and i got two flowers! haha. I know, these things are like rly important in my lofe and I do regret not taking them down coz i want these memories etched in my life forever. If only I could turn back time. At least the pictures will remain I hope.

Okay then there was study break and common tests. Econs was bleh. I slept during the essay paper k. beat that. And voila. Its 31 May today. Its june tomorrow. Its freaking June tomorrow. Its been 111 days since my life grinded to a halt. I cannot understand it. WHy am I not able to move on from February 9? I feel like I really am entrapped in that day. It was really the day that changed my life. The day that I was rudely awaken from my dream.

Its been one year since I embraced Saiful in my life. One freaking year. All this while, the journey has been nothing short of amazing. Hes the only thing on my mind 24/7. I dote on my brother so much. My only regret is how I wasnt born with him 18 years ago... And I remember last year, at this time, bro was already starting hardcore revision for his As. I wanna do him proud. I wana do well for my As and go in his path and be like him. I really admire my brother. I wanna be like him. But all these are mere words. Im gonna have to translate these words to actions. ANd i will. I must.

But it all comes at a sacrifice. I really am afraid that I will drift away from my bro. Last year it was different. I din have NS and always stuck by him. Who will stick by me? It all comes at a cost. I still have time to redeem myself. Im smart. But that means i will have to pull myself away from bro and think less abt him, msg him less, meet him less i dunno? But I really dun want to. I just wanna live in his arms forever. Just like that. I need a slap right argh...

I miss my brother so much. If only, if only I could turn back time... I really cant wait to see him this sunday. Oh on another note, Ill be going to Phuket on 11 June. Kinda exciting. And im gonna colour my hair and maybe do hair tattoo for fun! And i promise i will make up for the lack of posts in june etc. Its just the begining of the holidays, its gonna be one hell of a month. ANd this post officially marks the end of my hiatus from blogging and studying ( I HOPE )

I love you bro...

Today in My Life

2011-03-31T17:21:00.002+08:00

yoo its the last day of march already. anyway i apologize again fr lack of updates but ya ive been rly stretched recently. like really coz syf is on the 14th of april and we still uave loads to improve on but hey we are improving. the dance is kinda cool. nt cikgus best or anyth i wld say. and ya we are aiming for gold w honours buy of we dun get it ill be disappointed of coz. i promised nt to let the seniors down... but ya on the brightside at least it will be a memorable jourmey thru which i rly expanded wateverr leadership qualities i had. im still learning. :)

anyways bro and i met last sat. i was super angsty and bad to him but ya im nt gonna talk abt wat happneed. all i knw is bro rly rly loves me alot for who i am. fr wat i am. and thats all taht matters and i love him so so much too. rly rly. hes pop is on 9 april but we have rehearsal at ucc on that day so i cant go. im rly filled w regret abt it coz i rmbber bro telling me hw he wanted me to come but ya i rly dunno how to split myself into two coz i cant skip the rehearsal esp when im nt the best dancers out there and its rly nt fair tp the grp... :( but ya. after bros pop comes the fun part. he will have one week break wohoo. and i think aft that he will uave a mre slack timr in ns too yay! tho i cant see bro everyday coz of dance, at least i knw hes near by! and he can cme fr my syf yay! anyway whoever wanna come also can come. 14.april at ucc okay! free of charge yay! zo yeah. im gonna brig bro over and have "one mre nite with you(him)"... i rly rly cant waiit. oh next week is gonna be so tiring. intensive dance, EVERYDAY. Fun i hope it wld be at the same time. lol.

oh i went fr my medical checkup yesterday. it was the same as yfc checkup! so fun go to stations and stations. i had so much fun chit chatting w ppl i dunno esp the old receptionist called balvari. shes syper nice and she rly liked me alot lol.
her niece was in nj too and was the highest indian scorer fr As this yr and she was telling me abt how that girls siblings are supre smatt as well lol. oh then there was this iq test. omg it was sooo freaking long omg
i swear i just died. it was like 2 hrs plus u knw. rly can die one i swear. i just wanted to get it over and done w lah. anyway i gt PES A fr like everything but once i reached the height and weight station and they found out im underweight, i was demoted to PES B1 :( But its comforting that pes a and b1 have the same descriptions lah. omg im so excited fr ns wohoooo.

oh i have this chem lect test tmrw. i hope i can pass it. anyway wish me luck fr my syf and test peopel yay! aft syf ill be free to post alot and alot and alot yay!

Today in My Life

2011-03-16T16:58:00.002+08:00

Hey people. I have been super super busy these few weeks. ok just these two weeks. So yeah school's out but ya not really coz theres DANCE training like nearly everyday? Im not complaining. I love dance. If this were last year, id be so, so happy theres dance like everyday serious. But just that this is not last year anymore. This is this year. 2011. The year I do my A Levels. And i wanna do well for my A Levels. I wanna do well for SYF as well. SO i'm kinda in a spot right now which is annoying. I dreamt last nite that I got all Cs for my As. Thats so, so scary coz i cant retake my As and I will have nowhere to go. Probably a polytechnic, if that happens though I highly doubt it. im smart. IM SMART. I wana see my As and Bs but at this rate I know i cant. BUT IM SMART. YESSSAAAHH.

Oh and Japan has been struck by this hugeee earthquake that killed like so many people and a tsunami and a nuclear meltdown as well sparking so many rumours about how the world is ending. EVen my grandma is caught up with it. Like she was telling my mum how her friend's son said this friday, the world will end. That sorta freaked my mum out abit lol. But yeah if it were to end, of coz im nt ready to die. i havent go hajj yet! AAHH! ANd I wanna see bro one more time! And this will prob be my last post... oh man. this is so sad.

ANywayssssss the malay dance camp sort of just ended, well its not exactly a camp coz its nt overnight. Day camp i suppose. it went okay-ly i guess. Like okayyyy. But the mood is set for more intense trainings baybeh. And i honestly think we might be able to get Gold with honours, or a gold. The JH team as well. GOOD LUCK GUYS! WE CAN DO IT! Cikgu will prob finish choreography this week and music will come sooon i hope. SO EXCITING. CANT WAITT!

You know i just cut botak. Like really army botak. ive alwasys wanted to but din have the guts to and i guess saiful inspired me and i just wanted to see how i wld look in ns. I must say , not being vain or watever, but i kinda look nt bad botak unlike what ppl thought. like some even told me i shld keep it like this, after syf coz i need hair fr syf haha. and of coz it feels so orgasmic to rub rub my hair. like ppl just rub my hair randomly. i feel like a cat sometimes being pat haha.

okay people i gtg mandi now,, havent bathe at all today haha. If the world ends this fri i want u all to know i love u and thanks for being in my life all these years. Cheers and see ya whenevr! :)

Today in My Life

2011-02-28T18:05:00.005+08:00

Heyooo. Its the last day of february already. Fast, no? I remember just like three months ago Bro finished his As and thats when probably the bestest time of my life started and its all ending. Thiis friday;s the results day for the A lvls and Im sooo nervous. Not that Im getting any result but bro is getting his. He put in effort and worked hard. And ignored my msges so many times when he did timed practice for hours. All that has to count for something right right right?

Last Thursday, bro finished his two weeks of BMT and the two weeks of HELL for me ended. Well for him too. But NS doesnt seem that scary im actually more excited to go in now. My medicals on 12 APril. They gave me the date coz i din feel in som documentation online even aft they sent a reminder letter lol. Coz I din know wat to do. But ill prob change the date, Way too close to SYF. Yeah so brro came out and I met him on Friday night aft dance with Syafiqah. I called Prima Deli and reserved a Truffle cake, which we later changed to cookies and cream, while bro waited at the bus interchange near northpoint. Then rush rush try to find lighter. Went to cold storage to buy flower but bbought a yellow cactus haha. Then i went to some court where bro and i hung out at before and sort of prepared for his arrival while syaf went on to get him. I tried lighting the candle aft i saw him but it was a bitch. I just went and hugged him till he nearly fell lol. This celebration was for the first year anniversary that Ive joined dance, Feb 23, and thus the first year since I saw bro! And to celebrate his "release" as well. And Valentines Day. Syaf soon left and we hung out at Yishun for a while. It was kinda nostalgic for me...

Next day had dance. Wemt to meet bro at Yishun, went Jurong Point to eat at LJS. Took a bus to my house there and bro needed the toilet. then braved the rain to chi gardens toilet and stayed there a while only fr the rain to get heavier, we then walked to the blocks we usually go to and at night we left to lakeside. I cldnt eat dinner coz i was still sick from Thursday's fever and diarrohea and it kinda got worse after that. I just lay on bro's lap and rested.. It felt so nice. I sent bro all the way to Yishun also and slept. He also slept all the way to Yishun i think lol.

ANyway speaking of my sickness, ive been really sick these weeks. This term alone Ive had 9 days of not going school. With the chinese new year hols, half day, road run( or road walk in my case) and track meet etc, all these means ive never had a full 5 day week in school at al this term since one term has 10 weeks. awesome no?
I think its coz of how fast things are changing but i dont know. Maybe its dance. Ive been rather stressed out over nthng and tired but yeah. ANd Last Thurs as well, Mr Bek was so bleh whemn I told him i wasnt feeling well even tho he saw me dying in sch the day before. I think he thought i wanted to skip some math test. Like all he cared about was my make up test. Hes even been calling my dad everytime im nt in sch lah please. Ok he can call all he wants tho i dun really care but if i were him i wldnt wanna disturb the parents so much esp since im able to provide MCs right. And when i told him how i had two days of mc but im still coming to sch on fri coz i had dance in the aftnn he replied sthng like if i have mc and go fr dance i shld be fit fr sch and wat, he wanna complain to my cca teacher all. i replied "darling, i meant im coming to sch in the morning." seriously. mr bek. then he said abt the make up test again and i replied and told him how epic and funny it would have been if he really went to tell my cca teacher abt it coz he assumed i din wanna take the test. he din reply. as expected. sometimes i really dunno what to say. people sick, just say ok rest well or take care lah. grrr. but yeah hes nice and a gd teacher i guess. oh and i applied for boarding next term. i dunno if ill get it but im doing it only coz bro told me to and im boarding alone if thats not sad enough. i guess it will be like a prelude to NS? Check out on fri and go back in on SUndays. WIth a new environment and new ppl i hope its all good.

AND GO LISTEN TO BORN THIS WAY IF YOU HAVENT ALR. It may not seem nice at first but it GROWS on u. Seriously. Video will be out sooon. like today! or tomorrow im nt sure of the timing conversion thingy. hahaa.

Today in My Life

2011-02-22T12:42:00.000+08:00

heyooo. so anther week has passed since my last post. im in lecture rite now trying to listen at the same time but yea. anyways, things i wanna talk abt today will be abt bro and dance!!

so today is day 13 tt bro has been away from me. tmrw is my first years anniversary joining dance. which means tmrw is the first yr anniversary since i saw bro fr the first time in my life. and its the 14th day tt he wld be away frm me but the thing is he wikl be in camp for two weeks. 14 days. :) im so so excited. ive thot of a random gift to make for him but its gonna be sth he cant bring to camp but yeah watever. i just wanna gv him sth fr the sake of it. theres nth wrong rite. coz i love bro. so so much. ive never cried fr such a long period of time in a long time. i missed him so so much...and finally i can see him. when i first see him on fri (yeah ppl. fri coz hes booking out on 24 only...) im gonna hug him so so so tight! i havent made my gift to him yet. i hope i have time.... ive been so so busy. mon to sat have dance except thurs. im so so stretched. sigh.

anyway on my next point, DANCE! SYF is 7 weeks away. 7 freaking weeks. aand honestly we are kinda screwed. but im super excited. for the camp as well. gonna perform fr the entertainment part. our headline act will be so so awesome. w anth grp doing kpop tho im nt into kpop so yeah i choose to believe tt my secret perfirmance w q and syaf will be boomz. even if its nt we alr knw it is and we dun care wat u think. geddit peeps? we. dont. care. so yeah. oh cikgu has started choreography alr which is so cool. hes a genius i swear. and yeah we are kinda abit late rightbto start choroegraphy only now and we still have no music. but cikgu can do magic show. hes a genius. i hope we can all match up to his expectations coz we are kinda bad. improving, but still need more... n the jh guys are kinda screwed coz i think they dun understand the importance of syf BUTTTTTTT we are awesome. we will do it. we will.

Today in My Life

2011-02-14T11:26:00.002+08:00

Hey people. Happy Valentines day. Hope u guys have an awesome one. V day has never meant anyth to me really. Except this year. i think it was the all boys sch thing?ya we din rly care. here theres music and banner and hearts evrywhere. and ppl carrying roses and chocolates. i gt chocolates frm makcik as well!

anyway bro has gone into ns. its been 5 gruelling days. The day i saw taylor swift live as well but honestly if i were to choose id rather not see taylor to hv just one mre night with him... i went to send him off on wednesday. i woke up late and took a cab. i was such a bastard. how cld i right?! then i reached his hse at 810am. so yeah. we waited fr his fam to get ready and we gt into his dads car to pasir ris. some white sands shopping centre. we had brrakfast there at macs...we were super early. like the bus was supposed to leave at 1045 and we fin eating at like 9+ alr. so yeah. his unclr mak bapak all came aft tt... saiful and i din talk much. i cldnt.... then i reached a breaking point. i asked him to follow me to the toilet and on the way out i just broke down. we went into the handicaps toilet and i hugged him and held onto him so so tightly and just cried. i rly din want him to leave me just like that. its nt his fault but i felt it was just too sudden? i dunno. all i knw is tt i love him so much. ..

We then went aroumd. i wrote him a long letter to read before he slept that nite. i gave him my fave jacket as well as a piece of me to kp thru the two yrs. he gave me a diary of his thoughts. all since january. he told me tt since i cant have him i shld at least have his thots with me.. we din talk much in the ferry either. but i was touching him. holding him tightly. we reached tekong and soon had to split... we went fr camp tour etc and had one last lunch w him... aft the lunch he had to fall in and his sis hugged him and cried. tt triggered my emotions as well and i hugged him again. i still rmber how he was holding my face looking at me telling me nt to cry...

his mother is such a strong woman... she cld control so well even tho i knew she was gonna cry... she called me her second son.. ive gained a whole new fam thru saiful... i love him so so much.. even till today ive been crying everyday. i dunno y. i miss him so so much... i cried on the way to taylor as well reading his diary abt how he wanted simply the best fr me..

ill blog abt taylor anther day ok. bro has been super busy.he can send only two to three smses a nite and talk fr a min or two except on fri when we talked fr ten mins. but those moments are the best ever. im greedy i want mre but im happy w wat i have... he will be able to book out on 24 till 27 then he wld be free every wkend. ok nt rly free but at least he will be nearer and can msg etc... i love him so so much.. happy v day bro...

Today in My Life

2011-01-31T06:36:00.002+08:00

Hey. im back. so yeahh i just wanted to post about how its the end of jan alr.. oh it rhymes. like end of jan haha so cool. anyways yup time to reflect. on what ive done? nah more like what i havent done as well...

so jan started off abit shakily but generally ok i guess. its like a brand new yr brand new begining etc. of coz it was sad to have to go to sch coz sch is sad. and also i wld have less time for bro when dance started and all so yeahh tt was abit hard.then sch started lessons in place and yeah. among me and other frens i guess our rships have improved abit w the sji gang? we went out to play monopoly deal once at starbucks and chris was there as well tho it din really end well haha. like everyone was emo and cranky. but i guess the rest of them dont rly matter...

and then sch work. i din go sch on the first wednesday of the yr haha. tt was nice coz i was feeling super stressed out alr. and ya watever free time i had was always spent awesomely w my bro. like rly. we still meet up so much even tho i have sch and its amazing rly.

so things tt ive nt done. ive nt done many tutorials. ok honestly tt means nth to me now but ya i suppose ill regret soon emough? and aft bro goes in ns ill have nth to fill up my life and i guess tts when the tutorials cme in. ive also nt rly bn slping alot. i guess coz i push work too much. ya. and ive also nt cherished my fam as much as i honestly do but like bro said if u dun show it then wats the point right?

ok anyway i have awesome news. leona is gonna get a letter from me! its like this leona lewis fan club makes a book of messages frm fans fr her evry yr and gv it to her and then i follow them on twitter as well and they provided sme email add that we all can send our letters to. i thot mine might of coz like nt get in lah. i mean how many letters can a book contain rite. then i received a reply frm the fanclub thanking me and telling me how it was gonna be included! yay!! i love leona so so much! i will try my best nt to die without seeing her live once! and of coz must go hajj also haha.

Today in My Life

2011-01-30T19:15:00.002+08:00

Hey people.I havent been neglecting my blog. I have been visiting it super often. its like my homepage everywhere so yeahh. its just that i have been super super busy with stuff ever since the yr started so yeahh.

Anyway my blog has tunred 4 this year. my most successful blog ever and will ever be. i love my blog and trust me the lack of posting this month was not on purpose and i rly wanted to blog. i admit i was lazy at times but rly. so yeah. anyway i dun think ill continue about cambodia. im like soo over it. okay lah not really... but ya its been quite some time eh.

so ya. oh jan 27 was neneks first anniversary. okay nothing much rly happeend except i had this horrid fever thing from monday. i was dying in school i swear. i went to the docs aft school and was given two days of mc. i was happy w tt coz i thot i cld use it to see bro. but ya i was tooo sick on tues. like rly dying. then tues went to docs again and got a jab. at my butt zzz. it wasnt painful. just uncomfortable. so then the doc extnded my mc by two days. and if my fever doesnt go down by wednesday im to go to a hospital to get an xray done. so drama kan. haha. but the jab worked. i was actly kinda excited to get an xray done. its exciting rite. like whoosh.

but there was anthr prob. i was having serious headachez. so ya i spent the next few days just resting. like i cldnt walk or see properly smetimes. i even thot it was brain tumour. haha. my dad gt scared and wanted to scan my head at the hosp. but in the end tak jadi. so ya. lucky also lah. my head seems okay now so yeahh haha. it was abit scary. but ya at least bro was soo understnading and came to visit me all. i love him.

kay anyways taylor is coming in like 10 days. omg omg. sooo exciting. haham but ya bro is going off in 10 days. oh so altogether i went sch just a day this whole week. it felt nice haha. nt to step into nj fr so long. aft bro goes fr ns ill prob lose all my meaning in social life. like ill only have 2-3 close frens w me. im not rly interested in making anymore. thry wont last anyway. i love my frens now. and my bro. :) ill try to blog tmrw again kay. gt sch tmrw zzz.

Today in My Life

2010-12-31T22:04:00.002+08:00

yo people its the last day of 2010. im gonna kp this post short coz im ttly nt in the mood to celebrate. how can california gurls beat bad romance to no. 1?! wat the shit. last yr also the same lah. stupid black eyed pigs beat pokerface when it was soooo THE song of the year seriously. and please lah firework or teenage dream is like so much better than california gurls. nt like i hate katy. i love love love her. i love the song as well. but is it rly tt gd? srsly. 987 sucks fr letting gaga be no. 2. gaga is my idol. i love her to bits srsly. i wanna be like her sooo much. 987 shldve rigged the results lah... arghh

im so like wat rite. let such a trivial thing ruin my mood. but srsly its sooo annoying. anther thing tt afftected my mood. but its a gd thing. bro is backkk!! whoooooosssshhhhh. he bought me an umbrella fr xmas coz i din have any so sweet kan. like hes gonna be my umbrella haha. ok i made tt part up fr fun. my bro is back. my life is back wohoo.

anyway 2010 has been both good and bad... both in my personal lives social life family life watevrr. but the best thing tt prob happened was joing dance. and meeting bro. srsly. im soooo soooo soooo grateful for that.

Anyway heres wishing all my beloved frens fans and babes a happy new yr. i will continue w where i left off in the prev post next yr. love all of u... :)

Today in My Life

2010-12-14T19:22:00.003+08:00

HEY. So i just came back from Cambodia on the 11th and had probably the most meaning ful trip of my life. The first day was just slacking and settling down. We went to the super market and I got high on shopping. Like really high. You could hear me scream from aisles away. And then a bombshell had to be dropped. I realised my arling phone wasnt to be found anywhere. I was on the verge of tears already lah. It cost $900 and my parents told me a million times not to bring it. All of us set out to find it when it was suggested that I might have left it on the bus. I had a vague memory of myself carrying it out the bus but it was my only hope. The driver was called and whoosh it was inthe bus. I literally got my life back I swear. I lost a few things like this in cambodia. Like my walet and the camera pouch. But Im charmed. I got all of them back haha.

SO the second day. Where project l.o.v.e. starts. We got up early and went to the school. Sam Ruong High School. We used the toilets first. The toilets actually smelled a MILLION times better than those in NJ. Can u believe it?! But there was no flushing system. Its like u had to use a bucket of water to "flush" away ur waste. So ya that was cool. SHi Ya and I had a talk with the director of the school who requested 10 bicycles for students who are so poor they have to walk about 10 KM to sch everyday.Im really not sure how thats humanely possible but ya. So then we started teaching and playing games. Projet LOVE is split into three aspects. The Games, to enhance bonding, teacching, and sharing of experiences where we learn about their culture and they learn abt whatever thats left of ours. SO ya. The first day didnt go that well. We realised that we had overestimated the times it would require for each part of the time table. EVeryone was panicking. I was freaking out. Running around and coordinating. Taking ideas from one class to pass on to another so that they can use it to waste time. It was scary. We had about two hours to spare before they go off for lunch. We had also over estimated the students' english standard which was quite good for some but not really for the others. SO yeah. Somehow we managed to pass off the time and the students were off for their lunch from 11 am to 1.30 pm. I sort of scolded the group during lunch and ordered them to come up with as many back up activities as possible for the periods after lunch. We realised that many students also dont come back after lunch, Its like sometimes we only had three classes instead of the initial 4. Oh and we were targeting about 80-100 students. Guess how many we had. 170. Epic right. We took up the challenge and fought bravely!

The next day we were to go rice cutting and visit the house of the poorest students. So some of our activities planned had to be scrapped. The night after reflections all the committees were ordered by urs truly to hav emeetings and come up with as many fool proof plans as possible as a repeat is soooo not what was needed. SO yeah. Oh and the hotel was nice, For a three star hotel. Like really nice. Considereing its cambodia. There was a pool. And its rly comparable to some of the hotels ive stayed in. Even the five star ones.

Ok i got to go now. I will continue about the rest of the trip another time okays. With pictures and maybe videos! :D Anyway about today, saiful is away in Bali from the 12 to the 16. Its 14th today. I feel really sad and crippled without him. :( i want him back. And it really saddens me how aft he comes back hes going off to turkey and i wil be off to KL and then i will have dance and school and he will have NS and I will have SYF and prelims and As and then I will go into NS. Can u see how we are gonna be so separated, Im gonna be alone again. He will be there for me, I know all my frens will.. but its different... sighh.. i really feel super sad ight now.. if only i had been close to saiful in the begining of the year and not in june.. but i have no regrets coz of all the memories i can fall back on, at least i have those.. i want us to go back to jurong lake or yishun or chi gardens and just sit doing nthng,.. shit i feel like crying now.. :(

Today in My Life

2010-12-05T23:23:00.002+08:00

hey ppl. its december already. the years gonna end soon. this whole yr has been a mixture of gd and bad. ive met rly rly awesome ppl whom i want in my life forever. and ive been reduced in nj coz i refuse to be a mugger so yeah...

anyways these few days ive been meeting saiful alot so much tt his sis is annoyed. say wat u want ppl. u think we r gay then we are. i dun care haha. i love saiful. hes awesome. rly. rly. and he just made me an awesome bdae gift. i like my bdae this yr. i hv the two bestest gifts ever rly. love u guys!

ok so im supposed to go slp soon coz im flying off to CAMBODIA tmrw. Till the 11 of Dec. So tts all for now guys.

Ashraff Ali feels blessed. Really. :)

Today in My Life

2010-11-29T01:19:00.002+08:00

hey so i just turned 17 and im supposed to be more mature and less childish. and more adultish. this sucks arghh. but anyway thank u to all who remembered and wished me. esp mik q zh saifullah and saiful who treated me to dinner that was rly nice. and the sji gang + q who made me the board that im so in love with and look at whebever im bored coz its on my wall. and thank u saiful for spemding so much time makinhlg my gift. so much that i still havent got it yet HAHAHA.

okay so this whole week is gonna be filled w cambodia stuff. so so much to prepare before i fly off on the 6 of dec to 11 dec. then im gg to KL w my mum and dad only on 21-23 i think. its like we are gg to this place dubbed the malaysian gold coast. its like villas built right ontop the sea. cool right. and dun ask y its malaysia. im super annoyed w my parents. i wanted to go to australia so badly and since only three ppl gg this time coz my sis has sch and my bro has to take care of her it wld be more affordable. but there were NO flights at all on the dates my parents tk leave except fr one qnatas flight which my mum refused to ever trust her life with so yeah haha.

okay nthng much has been happening. A levels end tnrw yay!!! i cant wait to have fun with bro all the way. so much to do so little time. and we are even exchanging gifts fr xmas fr fun just to be festive hah. so yeap tts abt it. i cant wait fr tmrw man. but im soooo dreading nxt yr. rly.

Today in My Life

2010-11-21T00:27:00.003+08:00

The holidays are supposed to have started by now. Its been more than a year since the Os have ended. Can you believe it people? I'm in J2 next year. Can you freaking believe it? I cant. First I was a happy little kid. To a cry baby. To a stronger yet weaker person. To whatever shit I am now. I am old. I am ageing. I am not looking forward to this at all. Seriously.

Anyway, I went out with my brother yesterday. Went to Orchard to get christopher a gift for his bdae. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS HAVE A GREAT ONE :D Finally after walking around aimlessly we found a gift. Then wanted to watch HP7 but yeah as expected no seats. Its been like this even today. Im officially annoyed by how they dont allow me to see emma watson. Argh. Then we went to Esplanade to just lepak there at the rooftop. Stare at the clouds. Take pics. Sing Laugh CHill. It was really pointless fun like saiful said. Then we had a hard time finding our way back to the MRT station coz we took some Marina Bay Link thing that was super weird i swear. Its like unexplored regions of some egyption caves. Just that this was filled with shops and shops and shops. It was scary walking down there at 11+. Again we took the last trains home haha. I swear one day we are gonna miss the last trains and be forced to be CHEATED OF OUR $$$ for midnight charges in taxi lah.

Oh Raya just ended right. Heres wishing everyone Selamat Hari Raya Haji? LOL. Ok I went to meet zh and chris just now at Vivo. We were super bored i swear. ALL the restaurants were freaking crowded. Seriously i think singapore's overpopulated alr. Have u EVER seen an empty train carriage recently? Like NEVER. We were so bored we were looking for a fish spa in vivo. I think dont have. I never go before. I wanna try haha. Then I couldnt take it I insisted we go to Haw Par Villa. It was weirdly fun I guess. I mean its something new for me. Its been AGES since i last went so yeah haha.

Anyway we have supp lessons till next friday. From this monday. I have only been to schooll twice this week lah. Dont ask me why. I hate school argh. I wanna travel. Saiful and I have been talking. We are gonna travel. For serious people. Life isnt about working and settling down and starting a family. Coz thats pathetic. Need me to repeat that? THATS PATHETIC. P A T H E T I C. I do NOT wanna be PATHETIC.Its so not gonna be me okay. I dont know how to say but life is about experiencing? I wanna experience being poor where every dollar goes just to feed and clothe you. Experience meetine people. Experience culture. And when I grow old, I can put my grandson on my lap. Tell him what ive experienced. And watch his eyes glimmer hoping to be like me one day. If I ever get married lah.

Today in My Life

2010-11-13T23:59:00.005+08:00

Yo Its November already! Okay i know its abit too late to say this but really. Words cant describe how segregated I am from time. I dont even know when Hari Raya Haji is. I realised it was coming just a few days ago. It was never like this. Argh This sucks. And this is like the first time I dont want november to come. I am so not looking forward to it. 17 is just way too close to 20 than 16. I dont want it. I am scared. I am in this stage of denial right now. Like what should I be. I think i will grow out of it soon. I should. I will.

Anyway OP is over. WHich means PW is over. I dont wanna go into how OP went. Yeah. So yesterday we had Cambodia meeting. The committee leaders themselves came late and I got pissed that I scolded them abit. I felt bad ok but what was supposed to be done has to be done. Then went out for solat. Lunch with saiful at the exact same ayam bakar stall at orchard we ate like exactly one year ago. Nov 13 was the end of the Os last year. Now u see how fast that BITCH is going. ARGH. ITS BEEN ONE FREAKING YEAR PEOPLE. ONE YEAR SINCE THE O LVLS. SINCE I WAS OUT OF SJI. And look what kinda state I am in now. The only things keeping me going smoothly are my family and friends. There isnt even dance now. Which I must totally suck in right now. Like i am gonna be so bad when exco training starts. So much so that I dont want exco trainings to start as much as i hate to say it. sigh. Anyway yesterday watched Unstoppable with samuel. Then we walked down Orchard singing Taylor swift HAHA. Just like in sec 4 during lessons. haha.

I also went for a bbq at chris place yesterday. Saw Jedd again. And Bradley Soh from Pri 6. What a small world right. My P6 classmate was there at the bbq at my sji classmate's house haha. So yeah it was fun. Then chatted with Saiful till 6. His A levels is on right now. It must suck for him lah. Really. JC sucks. It screws people up. Big time. Anyway after the As the fun will begin. Coz supp lessons wld have ended also. Just that saiful wld be away overseas alot of the time. And when hes in sg id be in cambodia. It must suck right. ANd then hes getting enlisted in Feb so its like so little time to do crazy stuffss again. But yeah we'll see. Oh have i mentioned I cant wait for NS.

Theres 88 days left to Feb 9. hmm. Anyway heres wishing Saiful Good Luck for your As. You can do it bro. I have faith in you. :D

Today in My Life

2010-10-31T15:41:00.001+08:00

yGot my reusults on Frida. I thought it was going to be bad. Like retain for on more year kind of bad. I was even prepared to convince my parents to let me go poly and take up mass comm or something. It would totally beat staying in NJC for three years. I think its JC in general. JC really screws people up. I have heard many stories about how people used to be fun, or different, more human in sec sch. In JC they are as good as zombies. Some are even scary. You never know what that smile may hide. A scheming mind waiting to back stab. Its really scary. Fortunately, (or unfortunately) I am did better than the promotional criteria and I am promoted. We'll see how things go next year. And I have a really, really bad feeling about it. I am gonna have to change. Alot. Changes are scary. I am scared. And I am gonna have to do it alone this time. I was sheltered this year by my frens, my brothers and sisters, my family and the other one ive found in MLD. Next year, I am gonna be so exposed. I just dont wanna think about it now. Sigh.

Anyway, I met saiful for dinner at NP after I got my results. We ate stuff and walk2 arnd Yishun. Then we wnt to buy stuff at cold storage and he dared me to drink Naughty G. Ive heard about it but never rly knew what it was for. Its not that nice, and for those who knw what else it can do, its fake. LOL. Oh as we were talking saiful saw this thing fall to the ground and it was still moving. It was a bird. Itwas like struggling for its life. We went up to it and it was so so scared. Then we tried to get it off the wet ground and it stopped moving. We were afraid it mighgt like attack when we touched it or something and wanted to be careful. Then saiful said it was probably dead. We carried it and put it on my vaio bag.

It never moved. There were like tiny red bugs coming out of it and saiful said it was probably ill before this. We then dug out a grave near the carpark for it and let it rest in peace. We put a brick over the grave and marked the tree beside it. It was all too familar. Like it all came back to me. :(

Life is such a funny thing. I dont have the mental capacity to decipher it. Not yet. Maybe never. Its scary. I dont want alot of things to happen but I know they will. They have to. It sucks.

Oh oh i have been telling my parents recently how i wanna be like my math teacher in sec3 and 4. jason ingham. I wanna travel the world fr a year or two. Backpack around and meet TONS of people. Experience alot of food, culture. Learn sooo much. All after NS. Oh Climb mountains and work odd jobs. But they want me to finish university forst but if i did id be tied down already. Sigh. I hope this wish will get fulfilled and my blog will be filled with pics of me in many parts of the world. At least that will b somthing for me to look forward to. Other than Taylor Swift <3.

Today in My Life

2010-10-28T21:57:00.002+08:00

hey. i finally have a new phone and im blogging frm mybsexy wife. my new samsung galaxy s. i refused to buy an iphone. sthng the whole world has i swear. its annoyinh. on buses and trains ur surrounded by iphones rly.

Anyways this whole week was supposed to be like holiday. no lessons etc. but pw has been kping me in sch fr like wat till 8? it sucks. we just submitted our wr. had op dry run one which din rly go well bt nt too bad. we are re doing all our slides and making a new video commercial fr internet addiction. its gonna be big. im excited.

AAAAHHHHHH IM WATCHING TAYLOR ALISON SWIFT NEXT FEB 9 AT SINGAPORE INDOOR STADIUM!!!! IM FREAKING EXCITED!!! wanted to get the bestest seats but they sold oit in like wat four days. bought $150 tix alr. im freaking exciyed. i wanna make a huge board fr her saying please marry me! and fetch her when she arrives at changi airport. omg omg. im watching taylor swift!!!

oh tmrw is results day fr promoss. i dun wana say much abt it nw. we will see. i called fr cambodia meeting tmrw morning. i have to go prep fr it now. must settle op slides and my grps scripts. then must do the thing we have in mind fr seniors a lvls to wish them gd luck. then must fin shooting and editing the viodeo by this wkend. oh and tnrws thurs alr. and we meeting on sundayy also to pract fr dry run on monday. blehhh life sucks. big time. i feel emo now. ;( i wana slp frever. like nt die. but just slp like slping beauty. and wake up for taylor. and if leona comes also. or gaga. maybe riri. sigh. i suck. i think im a perfectionist. but a lazy one. and things have also been happening arnd me. rlym dun ever have expectations. coz the harder u will fall. easier said than done tho. hmmm.

Today in My Life

2010-10-07T12:28:00.007+08:00

This is my 100th post people. Yes I know I havent been posting much but at least I am consistent? I have seen so many blogs die such horrid deaths *cough mik cough* and ya I wont let that fate come to you darling. :D

Anyways, updates on whats been happening! I JUST FINISHED MY PROMOS BAYBEH. Yes I am done with J1. DONE. AND THATS D-O-N-E. It feels SO GOOD. This year FLEWWWW BY. Like REALLY FLEW. I huess its like that in JC like everyone says. So yea. After this A levels then NS. I cant wait for NS. Its gonna be super fun. But yea after NS, its gonna be scary how Id be considered an adult.

My ppromos started on Friday. ANd that night itself, we went out partying at Topman/Topshop party at ION Orchard Lvl 8 Carpark. I dont know why I got an SMS invite but yes it was SUPER fun. Omg. I was screaming like a retard. It was set in like a night club kinda atmosphere and I have always wanted to know what its like to be in one and finally I had my chance. Even before im 18. Even before im 17! The only down side is that we were in sch u. I think we'd have blended in better with the rest who drssed up naked than in sch u la.

There was free yoghurt from frolick and tons of free coke zero and free mini crunch. and ALCOHOL. I went up to the guy to ask him a can in school uniform. And he gave it to me. haha. We cam whored with it but obviously its not up on facebk coz of council. Argh. Ok lets nt go into that. but obviously we din drink it la. HARAAM. HAHA. Oh and there was this photo booth that we cam whored with props all and they printed the photo for us fr free. Quraisya has the picture! haha. And then there was the fashion show that featured all of topman/topshop's autumn collections. The models were HOT i swear. And after it all ended we had goodie bags with varying topman/topshop apparels. I gt a topman scarf worth 33 in my goodie bag. Mik gt a beanie and q gt a wallet i think. Haha. And then we cam whored ALOT more on the way back. Its like we had 250 pics in abt 2 hours. Do your math. But only 158 on facebook coz the rest were filtered out by quraisya. Council.Grrrr. Oh and did I mention that was the first day of the promos? hahaha.

So yea. I am enjoying liffe as it is right now. Saiful is preparing for his A levels like really hard. Its so scary. I dont wanna turn into a hard core mugger. Its just scary. Oh something im excited for. DANCE. Its starting in December. WOHOO. I CANT WAIT FOR SYF! ITS GINNA BE UBER FUN! ANd a new phone. I will be able to reconyract my phbone WITH a fee of $100 on 18 October baybeh. Im studk with my Motorola until then but i dunno what to buy seh. zzzz. Oh and did I mention im going to cambodia on the 6th december to 11 december. oh and im in charge of the trip with shiya. Its kinda stressful coz we dun have any concrete plans on what to do there yet but is gonna be fun,. Guess leona wasnt lying when she said it'll all get better in time. Oh speaking of leona, she was in Nigeria earlier this week to perform at their independence day concert and tehre was a bomb blast outsode her hotel! i was super scared la. Like what happened to my love. Fortunately shes alright! :D I CANT WAIT FR HER NEW SINGLE COMING OUT EARLLY 2011! And then Taylor's album also. I have so much to look forward to in the coming weeks and months. All except PW. My OP is on 11 November. ZZZZZ.

The above pictures were taken durong Anugerah Mendaki, some award thing we went for. Mik, Saifullah, Nisa, Jozie were all there! It was fun. And look at my new pair of shoes. I LOVE THEM!

WE LOOK JUST AS HOT AS THE MODELS!

Today in My Life

2010-09-30T11:51:00.000+08:00

Passing Clouds

The rocks light up
As red grass breathes
But ribbons untie
With every step we take
Sweet clouds burn
Towards the horizon
The thick blanket of air
Suffocates

The memories pass and
Without a doubt
I’m barely clinging on
To you, my friend,
I offer my all
Just for one chance, I plead

Justified sins
Will flood this world
Scarlet oceans of fire
Fill the heavens
Please, please
Don’t ever let this happen
For if you give in
The Earth will burn up
The skies will collapse
The scars will be impossible to heal

Today in My Life

2010-09-19T23:20:00.004+08:00

I HAVENT BLOGGED IN AGES! Its coz my Vaio was sent for servicing coz the right speaker blew on me haha. Its healthy now. Ok alot of things have been happening. Raya! <3

The eve of Raya was bad. I felt nostalgic and cried quite alot. I missed nenek so so much. The times we all spent fr raya tgther. This year was going to be different. In a bad way. SO ya. Then Raya came. I hated my baju kurung. My parents chose it for me. I went to buy singkok and brooch which saiful and saved my outfit. Lucky. SO ya. It just went by like that. Second day at my aunt's place. Played bunga api. :D Then ya it was back to school. :(

Yesterday we went for jalan raya. Went to Aqilah, Saiful, Cikgu, Quraisya and Miks house. It was fun! I loved the full. I ate so much i couldnt eat after cikgus house alr. I took too much spaghetti at Aqilah's house haha. But they couldnt come to my place coz my mom was working that day and when she comes back, they will all be going to my uncles place fr open house, which i skipped. Then i managed to drag saiful to my place. I was such a bad host. No one was at home. Then my house got no drinks, and my mum hid away most kueh fr my open house today. Then i was told my mum was coming back soon and we had to leave. Then we played with Moomoo. Our new stray cat who's super cute. I always see her every morning. This is the first time i actually touched her. And she like lay on the floor as if asking us to scratch her more. OMG SO CUTTTEE I LOVE HERRR!! I think she was someones pet so shes quite docile. Then we walked all the way to Jurong Lake park and walked on the new broadwalk thing. It was quite cool. Then we walked back to the mosque bus stop. Coz i thought 178 goes to Khatib and saiful can bypass the train disruptions. But i got it wrong. It goes to Kranji. SO STUPID RIGHT! ARGH. Then he was super tired alr. And cranky. And hungry. It was 11 pm. Then he took a taxi to Bukit batok instead. Then take train to yishun so ya.

Today had open house in my place. I love my house. I dont feel claustrophobic at all even when theres an open house. I wonder if i can ever live in a condo which is small. omg i havent touched any work for three days! i went with saiful to orchard on friday and we ate at bali thai and bought accessories at Taka jewellery at ION coz there was this warehouse sale. Then saturday jalan raya. Today open house. Exam's on October 1. Poly, here I come!

Today in My Life

2010-08-31T14:38:00.005+08:00

The words came and go
In a moment just one
It was more than a blow
Leaving only that numb

It pained it hurt it killed you inside
But you'd never let it out
No one's able to change this plight
So you lie under the sheets
Only you and desperation
And fake a smile while you're dying inside

And that silver just seemed
So tempting right now
The peace the rush
The life drawn out
The feeling it gave
As it trickled down
So good but you know it's only a lie

Pain and suffering
Always follows your life
But look harder
With more than just sight
Light up light up
Just open your heart
Let the hope in
Please let us inside
Just hold on to your faith
Let him save you tonight
Your brothers and sisters
Will always be there...

Written by Muhammad Saiful B Noor Mohd 31 August 2010.

I am speechless. Thank you, my friend.:) If only I knew better vocabulary to describe how I'm feeling now...

Today in My Life

2010-08-22T19:47:00.002+08:00

Last friday I went to watch The Last Airbender at Lido with Saiful. Consol for physics ended ata round 6. I have been obsessed with Avatar. (Not the blue people one) I have watched the tv series like thrice on okto and a million times on you tube. It was the second last episode on thursday and to make sure i reached home on time, I took a tazi home. And I have wathched that awesomw episode like a gazillion times. Haha. Yes I am obsessed. Ok, so the Last Airbender. It was bad. Very bad. I felt the story was compressed way too much that it didnt connect well. Its like pointless story telling at the beginning. And the actors. God. How can u call an Indian guy Commander Zhou?! And that guy can't act for nuts I swear. The ending was abit nicer though. Princess Yue haha! Saiful and I buke-d LJS in the cinema itslef. Apparently people were having pizza in it as well.

After that we were going to Orchard MRT Station when we saw a poster of Mariah Carey on a pillar. Then we started cam-whoring like hell. We did so many gay poses and made a total fool out of ourselves in the middle of Orchard MRT station at 9pm+. And Adam's poster as well. Not forgettig the CHiplendales.Then we went to this corner and started making videos. We were singing, dancing etc. ANd while Saiful was recording me caress the wall, emulating leona darling in her Bleeding Love music video, I saw someone else recording us. I stopped immediately. Oh i was in school u. But really, what can he do? Then I waved to his camera and sshouted Hi and he walked away quickly. HAHA!

Today I went to jurong point to get textbooks. I thoink I study better with textbooks. God tyhhey are damn ex. I Spent $140 on phy and chem alone. Then I went to shop for accessories and I was so so tempted to go on hunred dollars shopping sprees again. But ya I am broke. So I left as soon as I could, buying a new wrist cuff only. I had spa to study for as well. SO ya. Its 8 and I havent really started muggibg for spa. I dont know what I have been doing all this while myself,, realy. Its ok. After my chem spa tmrw,it will all fall into place i hope. Oh and ya, its confirmed Im most probably pulling out from YFC.Oh ya on Saturday, I met Saiful at northpoint to cut hair. There was this place in Yishun that charges only $2.80 to cut hair. Any hairstyle at all. ANd since I was in the vicinity might as well cut hair there right. Haha, I think its quite ok.

Ok peeps im going to start on work now. Have to do WR some more. Sians. Ok la. Byeeeee! XD

Today in My Life

2010-08-19T21:32:00.002+08:00

Its been ages since I last posted. Again. Sigh. Ok yes, Things I wanna talk about. Seniors' Farewell on 7 AUgust, YOG Performance and my life. The life part is even in the title so yea.

Ok Seniors' Farewell. Honestly I wasnt expecting it to go well at all. The Exco started preparations very very late, and it was all individual work put together. Its like I slept at 2 am the night before just to confirm what was going to happen the next day. I was nervous, very nervous. The seniors have been awesomeness and it would be really unfair if they do not get a good farewell. SO yea. We had training that morning and whoosh. We were all off to prepare. The only thing nice were the gifts and the performances. I performed a slut dance to fever with thu, hong and quynh. HAHA! It was all for fun. So ya. The seniors came. It started off well. Went to games, which turned out to be abit boring. We wanted to play water polo but the bitchy security guards chased us away. Twice. Argh. We even had to lie thatw e are muslims coz we din have swimming clothes on but no he din listen. ARRGGHH, I knew this would happen and had back up games in mind but because the seniors arrived 46 mins late, i decided not to go on coz we had to move on to the other things. Then it was the performnces which were really cute. And then the skit, which was meant to be really funny. But yea. A few seniors were on the verge of crying afterr it coz they were gonna miss dance so much. We ate the bbq food which was good and celebrated euncie's, porkpau's and thinking's birthdays. Then the Seniors' speeches. I estimated everyone would speak for 2 mins each but no. They were all pouring out life stories indivudually. For 10-31 mins each. We booked the venue till 11 and had 2 more things to do. But we only ended the whole thing at 11.30, not doing the singing of the only exception and the karaoke session. But I diddnt stop them coz it is their farewell speech after all. And it was rather moving. I cried. Many people cried. And so seniors farewell ended. It was a huge success. Many said its better than the previous years'. I think we succeeded only because each and evryone of us is awesome, really.

Oh on National Day, we had another day of dares with Quraisya, her cousin Jozie and her best friend Nisa. Saiful and I too. It was super fun though my first dare was epic fail. I got into a fight with some bitchy old ugly fat woman who wanted to beat Jozie and Nisa up with her umbrella coz they walked under it and sang islamic songs loudly into her face! It was epicness i tell you. Im really looking forward to the next day of dares!

Oh and Gwen has left for the US for studies and Saiful and I made this awesome video that is on facebook called bye gwen. Its super sweet. We got random people to say bye gwen to the camera, went into the handicapped female girls toilet coz gwen would never have been there before and had makcik to guest star in the video. Haha. It was really sweet. We went to her house to pass it to her. SHe was ohn the verge of crying but saiful and I would ruin it by saying someting stupid. Haha. I really hope shes ok!

And now YOG. We have been training really hard for MONTHS. BLOOD was shed. ANGER. Exhaustion. Everythng that bonded us together just to make the show an awesome one. To me it was everythng The seniors have left and tis was the first performance without them I wanted it to be proof that we can do it on our own. We got to school early. I was so excited i was the first to reach. We did the make up. Put on our awesome costumes. Had run throughs which went well enough and made our way to Marina Bay. There we wereput in some pathetic holding area which could barely fit one dance group and 3 had to squeeze in it. Then it started pouring. The tent was leaking. And then it came.

The organisers called off the event. Just like that. Coz the stage was flooded due to the rain and it was too dangerous to dance on. Andthey said dont worry you will have other opportunities. How unfair can it get, How irresponsible can they get?! What hapened to wet weather plans? what happened to stages that can stand in the rain? They couldnt have ignored the fact that it could rain. It was gone. all gone. I was so, so so... i dunno how to describe it. I cried. Then we were allowed to go up on stage to take a pic. I went up and saw the empty seats. I couldnt take it any longer and burst into tears. It was really bad. Probably the second time ive cried so badly this year. It was such a stupid reason. And I was getting suspended from CCA. And this is the last performance for the year, And we were told how its a once in a lifetime thing. We had high hopes. What should I tell the seniors? What should I tell Gwen? I felt accountavle for all this. Miss Ting spoke to me today and told me how an exco member should be helping to calm the members down and not be calmed by the mebers. I agree with her, but it was just too, too much really... sigh.. Its something I ill regret all my life probably..

And so the last part. My Life. Its been bad in terms of mugging. I took out my math integration notes to finally do. And at the first question I switched my vaio <3 on and started to blog. I need to wake up. My parents bought new furniture that cam in today and while sorting stuff intio my new shelf i foungd the letter from SJI that said I am in the top 5% of the cohort and in the Principals Honours List and will get the EISYA Award worth abut $1800. What happened to that me? I know I havent been mugging hard at that time as well. SO what happened? I officially hateNJC people. Really. Its changing me> I have to start muggung but the problem is I dont know how! Argh. What should I do?

Today in My Life

2010-07-30T22:14:00.005+08:00

Hey peopleesss. I dont know if I have blogged about my dismal results yet but yes as expected I did very badly. I failed three subjects.But there was a silver lining. Just one day of mugging maths allowed me to get a B. The highest grade I have. And yea. So now I am a student at risk.I am at risk of being retained in this hell hole. And I will be suspended from dance together with hoards of others on the 16 of August. Thankfully its after our YOG performance, and CCA officially stands down on the 30th. But yea. I was disappointed in was a loser I am. I mean I could have jolly well studied in what little free time I had. And it had to come down to a suspension. I took it hard. I sort of cried in class. I needed as much trainings as I can get so that I can improve and be on par with the rest of the dance group. And now I will miss about 6 trainings. This is bad. But yea I am ok now. I sort of came to terms with it. And the weather. Though I usually prefer such a weather, where its super cold and rainy, it didnt help at all. It made me feel worse about everything. If I dont get promoted, I will go to a Poly. Now I realise, it is where Id truly belong. I still remember how As and Bs just came when we didnt study last time. And we didnt even bother about what the promotion criteria was...

Alot of other things have been happenig as well. My friends and I. We are separating. Its obvious. And I am not doing anythng to salvage it really. I dunno. Its like I want them in my life. COrrection. I need them in my life. But really. Guess the friendship wasnt as strong as we thought. ZH has got me thinking. We have had a few major clashes these few weeks and now I have an insight into what he really thinks of me. If zh is like this, what about mik and brian? Will they be worse? I am also tired of all the drama in my life. Its like something happens nearly everyday and Saiful has been getting the brunt of it. Lucky for him he has unlimited free sms to reply to all my rants. And yea. Its like I am closer to saiful now than to anyone else really. Its weird. I dunno. I see it as a break. From my life.

Last Sunday after YFC, I met up with Saiful at NorthPoint to have lunch, and then buy Travis a gift for his borthday. The plan was to get a pair of skanky underwear. I have nothing to do with this i swear. I was just asked to accompany saiful to buy. The plan was to stay out for 2 hours. Go to orchard, buy gift, come back. Then brian msged me telling me hes in sentosa. Its been ages since i last went there. Ive only been there like twice or thrice. And I told saiful we should go there. SO we went to Vivo City. Had a hard time looking for a pair of thongs and went to pay. And the lady there gave me that "hehe I know what ur gonna do with this pair of things" kinda smile. I mean 2 guys alone. Buyi ng a pair of underwear? I was soooo emabarrassed I swear. Yes people I still have a bit of shame haha. And after that we went to take the monorail where we saw a woman airing her armpithair. IT WAS GROSS I SWEAR. Saiful and I were laughing our heads off la. haha.

And so we reached Sentosa. Brian was having PW stuff there so we din meet him. Oh and did i mention. We were at the beach in long sleeves. Epic right. And so we were bored and decided to play 10 Dares! Except it was more than 10! It was SUPER fun! The vids are on YouTube and my profile on FaceBook. Go catch them. We played dares like asking a random ang moh woman in bikini to take a pic with us, asking a man if he watches porn, asking an indian couple if they have a son called zhi hao, a chinese guy if hes indian and has a bro called arjuna, asking a man to stop smoking, scolding a cashier coz she sold over priced drinks etc. It was EPIC and SUPER SHAMELESS. We really make shamelessness an art. haha. It was fun. Then we went into theforesty, unurbanised parts and went hiking while blasting songs. haha. Its definitely one of the most funnest days in 2010. We intend to do more dares and we are recuiting. So all u shameless people out there, if u wanna have fun, u know where to go! haha! We also like want to collab with Hirzi and Munah, the creators of 10 dares! (Search for them on you tube. they do the best dares in sg) But now saiful just wants to mug for his As. We'll see.

Other than that, I went to watch Blood Pledge with saiful and syafiqah. It was fun. haha. And i finally ponned my officiall lesson in NJC! So yea thats basically it. I am really excited for the YOG perfromance on 14 August. We are gona rock it! Wohoo! I have YFC tomorrow. I think I wont be able to cope. Its sad. I might have to quit YFC as much as I dont want to. :( But yea, if it has to happen, it has to...

Today in My Life

2010-07-16T22:46:00.002+08:00

I wanted to post some time ago,, but twitter is really getting in the way.haha. I am tweeting eveythng. BUT NO. My blig will not die. Its too precious to. Anyways, just a short update on whats been happening k.

Common test results: Horrible. Haha. But I didnt study so it was kinda expected? I gt 2 Us, 1 S, 1 D and 1 B. B for Maths. Not bad right. I studied maths for one day only then get B. haha. But yes. I should not be satisfied just coz i know i din study. And yes I need to study badly.

Other things happening include Saifuls bdae outing which nearly gt CMI-ed but lucky we saved it. We rock man. And we took neoprints! Wohoo! It was so fun. Happy birthday Saiful. And Aishah. Yea.

Oh in case ur wondering, yes ZH and I are not really on good terms right now and its really affecting everythng. Everythng is nt what its supposed to be now. I see changes in the near future. Coz we need them. But then, I see us reverting to the usual coz we are just too dependent on each other, really. It will be so, so hard to adapt again. For me at least. But yea.

We have had a few traings fr dance. They went fairly ell but yea. always can improve. Anyways, I have YFC tmrw. Got to go!

Today in My Life

2010-07-05T01:02:00.002+08:00

Its 1 am right now and I can't sleep. I intended for this post to be about my trip to Bali from 21st to 24 th June but yea. I will do it another time. I just feel so lost right now. I dunno

School has started and the exams are over. As expected I screwed it up so its no big deal. We had dance handover last saturday. Yeah. These few days have seen me lose my temper alot. 3 people have been subjected to my wrath already. Random people who annoy me in public. Yes I am very very shameless now. Maybe shameless is not the right word. Maybe it is. Where is the shy, polite and respectful Ashraff I once was? I have changed alot. I dont know who I am right now. I have forgotten who I was.

Maybe you are right. I must change even more. Not to be who I am supposed to be. But who you want me to be. But will that help rid the hatred around me? I doubt so. Because that is not a choice. It is a mistake. No one is to blame. But this mistake can never be rectified. Not now at least.

Where am I? I really have no clue. Things have been changing so, so fast. SO fast that I am very afraid. I am afraid of death. Not mine. That of the ones I actually love. What will I do? What can I do? I am afraid of changing. I don't want anything to change. I want things to go back the way it was. I think I was much happier last time. I dont know. I seem to have forgotten everything.

I love my room. My room is the only place that has seen me, which I think is ttruly me. I was quiet by nature. I was very respectful. I was normal. I was a child. I don't know what I am now. I want to remain a child. Living under my parents' shadows. Hidden. Safe. In my own, perfect world. And suddenly, I am thrown into all this. It all seems so well-planned. So fated. That I will be a freak of nature. A monster in denial. A mistake.

This post is not the usual frantic-thinking while emo-ing kind of post. Its well thought and I am very, very calm right now. I think I am still very lucky to have what I have. Too lucky to be honest. I have to let it go. Everything. The persons I love. Only then will I truly be able to remain or even go back to become what I was again.

Today in My Life

2010-06-16T13:52:00.000+08:00

HEYYY! Okay I am supposed to be doing work but yeah. Who cares. Haha. Oh I tried to do work last night. But I was afraid Id get bored and I got Saiful to come online to sort of mug with me. In the end we didnt mug until like 5 am plus? We were bitching about things to each other. LOL! It was fun. It beats mugging. Anythng beats mugging. Mugging sucks. And because NJ emphasizes alot on mugging, NJ sucks. Its amazing really how they all mug like shit at any free time they get. I take pride in not giving in to that pressure. I take prode in being slack. I do not expect to do well this term. But hey. Just watch me. :) (so bitchy. haha)

Its been raining the whole morning. Heard Orchard is flooded. Haha. Oh yea. And recently, I went to Jurong Point and splurged there AGAIN. Haha. Lucky I sont do it so often la. And I am so broke now. I bought 6 tops. All most;y black. Or white. Haha. I dont think colours suit me. Its like black and white are neutral and will definitely go well. Haha. I felt so good after spending abit more than $200 there. My bro was so shocked la. They are having great sales there. And the designs are quite nice also. SO yea. Haha.

Yesterday had dance training. Dance again tomorrow. Then gg for celebration tmrw. Then friday. Dance on Saturday. Some wedding thing on Sunday. In Bali from Monday to Thursday. Then Fri, Sat, Sun. And then Common Tests. For 3 days. I just cant wait to get it over an focus on YOG performance! WohoO! Saiful was telling me its gonna be hell. But yea, we must try to make it as enjoyable as possible! Yay!

Oh yea you know Leona Darling is on tour right now (Which explains why u havent heard much from her lately) And I was watching her performance of Bleeding Love in London, O2 Stadium. And i felt so proud of my darling. She has grown so much. From, like Simon Cowell said, the shy girl who doesnt know just how good she is to a full grown performer. She was just so good. I mean her singing is always flawless but performance wise, she has improved SO MUCH. I love her! <3 Haha!

I am bored right now. Mio tv sucks. The transmission lags like shit. I dont know if they are doing anythng about it. But my parents want to return the Starhub set. And Mio doesnt even have disc, nat geo or animal planet. In fact it doesnt have any good documentary channel. The only channel thats good is Trace, which rivals MTV. It plays all the new songs. Its fun. But still. Its all my bro's fault. Argh. Now we are stuch for one year.

Ok I think thats all fow now. I am hungry even though I just ate my lunch. I will go grab something to eat now. Happy FIFA Season! LOL!

Today in My Life

2010-06-13T23:16:00.000+08:00

I logged into blogger and they showed me some new templates. I clicked on them then went to save and I couldn't revert. I got so scared lor. I love my current blogskin. I mean its been like this, except for the pic at the top, since day 1. I couldnt bear to lose it. Its like when i found out the old templates are still around igot my life back. The personalisations were gone though. But I tried to make it as similar as before as I could. :D

Oh yea! I got a new Vaio baby. It rocks. Im in love with it. ANd you know how noob i am. I didnt know my house had wireless the past TWO YEARS! Yes people. All this while, i blogged one a wire. I suck I knw. Until samuel enlightened me. Now I can stay up late and do whatever I want in my room! Speaking of stayg up late, I have been staying up VERY late lately. No people. I havent started mugging. Ive been chatting with saiful sr. Yes we chat abt random stuff. Its like we chat all night. There was once we went up to 8 am. Two nights later, we went till 9. Its fun really. And people. Please. We are not in some secret relationship. =.=||| Just coz we talk? LOL. Funny. Ok. Now that thats done...

ALEJANDROOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! ITS THE BEST LADY GAGA VID in my opinion. SHE DEFINES ART! I love gaga. Shes the woman man. Srsly. I wanna be like her. COme to think of it i wanna be like so many people. But thats beacause I wanna be me. Shes who she is. And I wanna be like her. TO be who I am. Oh yea. And she might be releasing Dance in the Dark? WoHOO! I personally hope shed release speechless though. haha. Oh And leona darling is on tour. And from the vids, shes doing an AWESUMMMM job. Good luck darl! Love you! haha! <3 ANd RIhanna, shes rocking the billboards with Rude Boy. Haha . TOnight I mma let you be the captain. LOL!

MUGGING! OMG I HAVENT STARTED AT ALL AND I HAVE ONLY ONE WEEK LEFT coz im going off the last week of June to Bali! I am officially SCREWED BIG TIME for the common tests. Seriously i dont care already la. Its the first test anyway. OOH AND I am officially in YFC! Got the email. Orientation on 26 June. It will be hard to stay in it coz they only pick really the best and the most passionate. I mean, I am not so hardcore as to mug principles of flight and all specs of planes. I just like the idea of flying. I wouldnt be sad if I get kisked out. Its VERY hard to stay in anyway. Oh and we went for an outing recently. It was so fun and we cam whored alot. Seriously the camera is the best nvention ever especially for bored people.

I cant wait for avatar movie. the last airbender. Lol. random. Katara, Yue and Azula FTW! haha. Oh and Ive been twitting alot lately. FOr fun. haha. I am getting bored and I dont wanna mug. Its okay Id rather remain bored. ANd I hate NJC i swear. Its like so gloomy. So lifeless. SO not me. I shldve gone ACJC. I wanna do alot of crazy stuff.

I wanna run away frm evrything. I wana be free, be clean. I will. I hope.

Today in My Life

2010-06-01T13:51:00.000+08:00

The holidays have started people! Happy holidays! Anyway, whats a holiday in JC. I will be busy with secretarial duties for MLD and ExCo training/meetings. Then PW. Oh god. PW is draining so much. Then must study for the coming common tests. And I am going to Bali on the last week of hols. So yea. It will be over just like that!

Things I am excited about is how we are gonna lead MLD into a hopefully, uccessful year ahead. ANd YOG performance! WOHOO! Its gonna be so fun! Yesterday, we went to watch Zapin peroformances organised my the Malay Heritage Centre for Singapore Arts Fest. It was rly good. But they spammed like so many performances, they all got similar. And the crowd was getting restless as well. So what do we do? CAM WHORE! :D haha. I think MLD hould be called the cam whore club instead.

Oh yea. Went to malaysia on Thurs night. Celebrated my cousins birthday there. We had fun. Haha. We went to this shopping mall and while the ladies were busy, we were bored. So Ferozia and I went around helping the shop fulfill its promise to offer best prices. We sort of like switched price tags of products. Offering up to 70% off. The most expensive one was a RM400+ table. It was offered at RM200. Haha. It was all for fun. Then we saw this price sticker thing and pasted RM 15 all over boxes of tea pot sets worth RM 70. We also like tried to trick our parents as well as passers by. Its like when they walk by, we'd go "Omg thats so cheap! I saw the same thing being sold at RM200 before! I am so gonna get it" haha. Okay. U get the idea. WE WERE BORED. Then I went to dance zapin outside the store for my cousin. And my uncle had to stop me coz ppl were staring. Yes i knw. I am think skinned.

SO yea. Today we had chem lect frm 8 to 10. It was tortourous, i swear. After that we had a cake to sort of "celebrate" Mrs Poon's departure. Shes resigning. Its like all the pretty and good teachers in NJC are leaving. Hmm. I WONDER WHY! Argh. Its so sad. We cam whored again. And ate the HUGE 3.5KG cake that they got. Its amazing that we even finished it. It costs $100. -.- There was really no need at all for such a huge cake. Its like even a 1kg cake was enough for my gp class farewell. Speaking of cakes,I have never eaten so many cakes in my life before. I think all the cake ive had these 6 months is equivalent to whatever ive had my whole life. Its like theres a cake for everything. Malay dance take pride in celebrating everyones birthday. So its like cakes every month. Then with the VERY FREQUENT leaving of good teachers, we will have more cakes. HAHA. Its a good thing i uppose. At least we try to have a life in uch a no life school. Anyway, heres wishing all those leaving for their homeland a safe and pleasant journey home!

"What do I count on? Is it the road less travelled or the one I already know?"

Today in My Life

2010-05-21T21:24:00.000+08:00

Malay dance is love. We went for an outing at East Coast Park last Saturday. It was awesome. At bedok, an old woman fainted on me while going down the escalator. We all helped her. Then another old lady came up to us. She was like lost. Saiful and Shairah went to send her all the way to her homes. sO kind of them. Then at east coast, we ate at Macs, rented bikes and cycled for quite some time all the way to some ulu spot where nearly everyone got dunked in the sea. I wasnt in favour of it.Too dangerous. And I was nearly right. Yuan was like choking on sea water but shes ok. Edmund, the first to get thrown in, had his handphone spoiled. Then he took out his SIM card. Gave it to me. I gave it back after some time. ANd somehow, it gpt lost as well. Porkpau got dunked with his specs on and it got lost in the sea. Thinking gt thrown in with his wallet and everything gt drenched. So yea. I did not get drenched. My parents will never allow me to. It was super fun. Then shairah, saiful and aqilah joined us and they got dunked as well. We then cycled all the way back and returned the bikes late. Paid an extra $3. It was hilarious trying to go on a double with brian. Seriously. Haha. Then we danced Zapin by the beach. Played Beach Captain's Ball. IT WAS UBER FUN! Then went to Macs to refresh. Then played Slap Jack. And went back only at like 7.30. It was one hell of a day.

Then the next day. Back in bedokk again for Basic Mentorship Training with 4PM. Basically, I am volunteering together with most of MLDDS, to be mentors to students from Primary School who just need a friend, someone to talk to. The training was fun. And the food was good. I cant wait for it to start. We can like organise group outings with our mentees and boy, it will be so fun, yet rewarding! And it is a huge responsibilty, after going through all the role plays of worse case scenarios. But yea. I am prepared.

ExCo applications, elections and interviews were over the past week. I applied for the post VP. I felt it was a bit too high at first and wanted secretary, but then the sec's jobs didnt appeal to me. Yes I will try to do it well, but it wldnt be with passion. I thought of what kind of role I wanted and ta-da. With my frens' help and guidance, I applied for VP. I was up for elections and apparently, ppl voted me for a whole list of other posts. VP too. And I was up for interview the next day. Supposed to be 5.20 pm at TB21, but then got pushed to the 4.40 slot. Quraisya wlaked me up. Then saw shairah. She led me in. Said hi to the excos. And it all began. I went blank at the first qn even tho i had prepared for it but yea i managed to pull through all the way. I was touching my nose alot. Was nervous, but comfortable. Remember my YFC interview? God... Then at the end, Thinking shot down all of my future plans. Threw like 6-7 qns at me at one go. I was lost. I didnt know what he was doing,, And there were moments when all the other exco memebers and teachers at least smiled. But thinking. No. Nothing at all. I swear I hated him so much. Its like he had something agaisnt me. I couldnt answer his questions and i was liek " Am I supposed to answer all of that?" Sigh. Then it went downhill, It was so traumatising. My interview lasted for like 25 mins. The second longest according to Shairah. I was hating thinking sooo much after that. I was like screaming it every where. Mik asked to go to the roof top and I continued screamin g. I was just so so infruriated. I felt like it was super unfair. I mean, ALL plan have limitations what?! ARRGGHH! Then saw Gwen, Joyce and An. Bitched with them like all the way till 7 pm in school. It was so relaxing, esp after all that screaming. Then bitched with Saiful via SMS and MSN. But then I realised maybe its not his fault. Like mik said. No interview is supposed to make you feel good. Or was it Gwen who said that> Ok nvm.

SO yea I did have high hopes of getting it but now, not it seems like I am preparing myself for the worse. But nvm. A post is jus a post. No matter how much one tries to tell u that u can still contribute as an ordinary member, the sphere of influence is not the same. So yea, I will just focus on improving my dance such that I do not lower the standards set by the seniors!

Today is study day. Monday is GP and Econs common test. Of coz. I havent studied. But yea. Then the rest is after the June Hols. Oh yea, I might be going to Bali in June. Will post about it. And we should be driving up to JB, sleep there on Vesak day, then going up to Malacca the next day. Will take pics! Though its just like JB and malacca. Ok nvm. Oh. And Happy birthday Aqilah, if ur even seeing this.

Aristal 2010

2010-05-10T15:09:00.000+08:00

Us in the dressing room

With Cikgu Osman

Dressing room

At Clementi

The full costume without the songkok

Before Aristal

Acting retarded

More retardedness

MLD <3

Aristal took place on the 5th of May. It is undoubtedly one of the biggest things thats ever happened. I performed, together with the rest of the beloved MLD at UCC that night. Tickets were sold at $15 and $20 and it was a full house. Expectations were high as Aristal brings togetehr the 4 dance gruoups of NJC to show off whatever they've learnt. I was in the Zapin item. It was the first to go. It was an honour.

After months of trainings with Abang Zairin and Bada, we were finally there on Tuesday for a full dress rehearsal. The costumes were grand. And the very first rehearsal there at UCC was screwed up. Big time. I wasnt used to the bigger stage. I was nervous. I forgot steps and lost balance a few times. It was demoralising. It was my first time performing to such a huge crowd. I didnt want to bring the very first item down. I didnt want to bring the others' efforts down. It was tough getting over it. The 2nd rehearsal was way better though. ;) And we camwhored in our dressing rooms the whole day. I swear, I ve never seen so many unglam pics of me uploaded on to Fbk at one go. haha.

And so the next day. Wednsday. The day we've been awaiting. Months of late nights, sweat, tears and blood for that 5 mins. We met up at Clementi MRT at 8.15. And cam whored all the way till 9am. We got to UCC and got ready for the next rehearsal. We just had to give it our all. And then Aban Zairin dropped a bombshell. He wanted to change the last part. I got it at first but during the rehearsal, it went haywire. Luckily saiful managed to ask him to change it back. We were told to have fun during the performance. Like shout, smile and laugh. It would be fun.

In the morning, we also received notes from over 10 people. They wrote the notes for evryone in MLD, motivating us. It was so moving, I swear. I did not expect that at all. ANd none of the othe rdance groups had t hat.Aqilah also baked cup cakes for us. It was nice! And so, it finally sank in. I understood what the seniors were saying. Aristal was already a success. Regardless of what goes on later in the day. Its what we've been going through the past months a a family that mattered. I know, I m dumb. It took me time to realise that. HAHA.+And so, I loosened up. I laughed on stage. Shouted, not very loudly though. And smiled like a retard all the way. I felt like a dancer. Wait. I AM A DANCER NOW! WOHOO!

Jessica went for IReeland trip with Choir and I had a hard time trying to get her ticket to her, especially when my phone couldnt work as there was no reception in our dressing rooms. we were under ground. Its like I had to ask Joyce to stay in the girls toilet till I receive d her msg coz they said the girls toilet had reception. haha. Thankfully, Ms Ting helped me to get the ticket to Jessica. Yay. And then Make up. Whoa. The make up artistes were funny. I understood all of their bitching in malay and I was like laughing to myself when they were making my face up. Its like, the guy from the first "station" came up to Zairin while he was applying eyeliner for me and went on about how flawless my face is coz he was the one who applied the make up. haha. And then eyeliner. So not used to it. EVen Abang zairin was like "Is this your first time?" haha. And then the sampeng. Its like we had 5 layers around our waists for the guys. Pants, 2 sarongs, corset and a metal belt. And we had a flower like thing folded using the sampeng on the side, which obstructed some movements. And the corset, it was tight. I guess thats how it was supposed to be! haha.

And so Aristal. We went up on backstage. Had group hugs. Motivated each other. Cheered. Remembered Hong, who broke her leg during the MLD Camp. Practised. ANd then, the MCs started. We could hear the anticipation of the audience. It was simply mind boggling. Good thing i managed to calm myself down. I dont know how I did it, but I managed to. I tend to screw up when I get nervous. Thats normal I guess. ANd so we heard the curtains being drawn and light entered the stage. I called out to Mak Cik (Syafiqah) one last time. We always do so before we begin. It becam e like a tradition. ANd the music played. Whoosh. 5 mins passed. No major screw ups. Satisfaction filled the air! WOHOOOO!!! We exited quietly and were greeted with screams from the tudung saji and contemp ppl at the corridor outside the dressing room. Really. No word can describe how contented I felt to be a part of this family. Oh. ANd no other dance group had that kind of greeting after their item. And it was over. I screamed.alot.haha. ANd so the other items went off and came back only to be greeted with our cheers! Their music was being played in the dressing rooms as well and we danced with the music. It was really a nice feeling.

My parents hadnt been happy about me joining Dance. Esp when I came home at 10 like nearly evry day. And wneh I had a fever. I had to prove to them that I belong here. I called them after my item. But there wasnt any reception. Then I got an sms frm my mother. "Very good." I was over the moon. Really. I doubt theyd ever stop me from going for dance anymore! yay! And so Aristal was over. It was the seniors' last dance b4 their A lvls. It was a bitter sweet moment.

There was no dance the next day. I felt lost. Its thursday. I go home at 10 on thursdays! What was I doing at home at 4.30? I had dance withdrawal symptoms and it was very apparent on facebook that I wasnt the only one. So yea. I do miss the aristal period. It was a time of so much love, care and concern. Hard times, yet very sweet, School means nothing without dance. :( [Shoutout to Mikhail: HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY! Hope you liked the trip to swensen's at ION!]

Today in My Life

2010-05-02T12:16:00.000+08:00

Its been ages again. Age since I even came online. Just realised I had 76 unread mails. The most ever. And I had my longest facebook status update ever. Its like all the update I had wanted to post in three posts coz they have a limit of 420 characters.-.-

Anyways, I havent been feeling well the whole week. I was feeling depressed that my studies have been suffering. And I cant exactly blame dance, coz its not like my danceing has improved tremendously recently. Amd I was tired. Isolated. I had frequent headaches. And couldnt eat. It was all to familiar. I was going sick. The same thing roght before the O levels when I started thinking alot etc. SO yea. On thursday, I took my te,p and it started with 38.1C. But I was lively on thursday. Its like, I was emoing the whole day until Maths, when I got called out together with 4 other people. Mr Lee was asking for our Inequalities Assignent. 2 of them werent in class that day. I was sure I had done it. I thought I handed it up. I went to check but it was still in my file. I went up, pissed. Handed up. Didnt even look at his face and went back to sit. And then he was like Ashraff, did I ask u to sit? I breathed loudly and stood up with much reluctance. I was sick ppl! And then I started packing the stuff on my table, arranging them. Ok This was to spite him. Then he started shouting at the 3 of us and asked us to get out! WTH?! I did his assignment for goodness; sake! I just forgot to hand it up to the Math Rep, who conveniently handed up whatever he got without even asking if I am handing up! And I get accused of stalling for time to complete it!

And so we stood outside class, with no apparent remorse on our faces. I dont know about the other 2. But I have been doing all my homework on time despite aristal traings. I mean, I only come home at 10 everyday! And I still did the latest tutorial, which some other people in my class didnt do and manage to get away with a warning. ANd one of them even cited Arisatal as an excuse. What the shit?! I have aristal too! And I completed even the latest homework. But just because of an oversight, I get chased out?!

I was bitching thoroughout the one hour. ANd I had to see my seniors there. PAI SEH! And then our chem relief teacher walked by. I was so bitchy to her the last time. I bet she was laughing at me in her heart la. We told her what happend and even she said it was so unproductive of mr lee to send us out. I made up my mind. I was going to blast him. SO the lesson ended and we were called in. The first thing he said was that we must understand that this wasnt a personal attcak. God How obvious could he get?! He never liked me. And so I started. I explained my stand in a very loud and rude tone. My hand gestures were gangster-like. People. I was ill and wronged. How pissed will you get?! I said it was stupid and unreaonable of him to send us out and that he was over reacting. Its not like I didnt do it. He could ask ZH or Saifullah. They helped me with it. I care for his homework that I even bother to ask ppl for help. ANd I asked him to check if this has ever happend to me before. He said no, but this is a recurring problem in my class and he had to find somewhere to stop this. I raised my voice. "That doesnt mean you can use us as your guinea pigs. Ok fine. I admit it was an oversight on our parrt but it wasnt on purpose,, Its not the maths rep's fault. It was just a mistake, an oersight that youy blew up. EVen if u wanted to punish us, u shldve masde us stand fr the lesson or something. not chase us out! Even the chem tacher outside thought it was stupid! you were just being unreasonable and overreacting!" and then he went on about how we shld go to him if we needed an extension of deadline.

FLASHBACK: Once, saifullah taught ZH and I Binomial Assgmt and our answers were similar. We insited we didnt copy when he confronted us. HE said ok and wnet on about how we should not copy. -.- I was like "MR Lee. We did not copy!!"
And so this time, even after telling him I did his work and its not about not being able to meet the deadline, he still insists that I did not have time to do my work, ad that was why I did not hand up. I raised my voice even further to get my point in his head. He stood there, quiet. By then the class had left quietly, leaving only 2 people who stayed to watch, tgther with the other 2 guys I was sent out with. He then apologised and said it was an oversight on his part. I felt like suanning him. If he could make an oversight, why did I get sent out for my oversight?? But he put up his pitiful face. I stood with my arms crossed. He went on about how hes leaving next week and didnt want Mr Bek to encounter similar problems. And so, blah blah blah and it was over. The other 2 guys apologised to him. I stormed off without apologising. I felt so triumphant after that that my fever was nothing. BUT YEA. Standing up for whats right is one thing. Being rude to an elder is another thing. Dont worry people. I will look him up to apologize.

And so we had dance after that. It was abit disappointing coz my fever got in the way. I still tried. Went home. Vomitted on the way. Yes. Again. Refused to take medicine coz my throat hurt so much. Went to sleep. Woke up alot of time through the night. My temperature rose. Peaked at 39.5C. I got scared. Big time. Went to take medicine. Felt terrible. Received loads of sweet msges from my awesome frens! But still insisted on going for dance at 3.30. I dint go to school that friday tho. My temp finally fell. Went to the docs. took MC. Had a very hard time convincing my frenss to let me come for dance. And yea. I managed to survive. Then vomitted again. I didnt bring my medicine to dance so my fever sort of returned. Went home. Refused to eat medicine again. Went to bed. And yea. EVerything turned out alrite!

GOD I AM SO EXCITED FOR DANCE. I am not doing any work. Who cares. I am gonna perform at UCC ppl. Its not like a lifelong dream, but its like the fruit of your labour. Its like an inaugaration as a dancer. Yes. thats wat I see it as. Costumes are here alr. They look cool. My only worry is that I would screw up on staage and bring my group's efforts down. Thats why I even insisted on coming for dance for 2 trngs with a fever. Id feel so guilty. haha. Its like the very first time we had the runthrough in front of principal, it was screwed up coz the music stopped. Tho we went on with counting, and that was very moving, I did go blur alot of times. But yea. Must try my best. Give it all. Jia you MLD! Wednesday is the big day. I'll try to get as many pics gg as possible.

Today in My Life

2010-04-17T21:59:00.000+08:00

Apologies for not posting in like AGES. I have been super busy. Aristal is just 2 weeks away. Probably one of the biggest things in my life. Yes i knw. I am boring. We had training today. It was hardcore. Seriously. We've finished the choreography. Its a 5 min long dance. Its gonna be awesome. I know it will be. I feel like I am not dancing well enough. At least, I know I can do better. The next 2 weeks is gonna be even more tiring. Bring it on. I am so looking forward to it. It add meaning to school. Its like, without MLD, and of coz my other frens. school would be unbearable. My feet are rotting. Ive shed so much skin. Haha.

These few days have been awesome. With Quraisya and Aishah. And Syafiqah. Its like we have so much fun tgther. Aishah gt 5th for her Pidato and we went to Al Azhar Restaurant to blanja her. It was so fun. Seriously. Its amazing how they fit in. Oh and did I mention? Quraisya and Mikhail are together. I am so happy for them. Its like they campaigned for council together. Mik fell for her. Told me. Zh told Qurai. Qurai gt confused. Didnt know what to do. Then a few days later realised that it was actually mutual. Its sweet, rly. Im so happy for them.

Aishah lives just 3 blocks away from me. SHe is amazing. Really. Its like she knows so much about me already. We really open up to each other. And the adventures we have every morning and on the way home just add meaning to everything. Those last minute decisions. Running for the bus. Alighting at 7 Eleven. Everything. Its so fun.

Academically i am suffering. But its ok. Its just for now. I should be able to cope after aristal. Hopefully. Physics, one of my fortes has been failing me. Its like i dont know anything. Same goes for Maths. But Phy is the worst. I need tuition. Any to reccomend? haha. Like im not busy enough.

I had lots to say actually, but rly. The word awesome sums everything up.

Today in My Life

2010-04-01T22:35:00.000+08:00

These few days have had their ups and downs. Its been really fun, and really, really acidic. Yes. Acidic. I wonder how those women grew up to be like that. God. Words cant decribe just how bitchy they are. Hint hint. They work in NJC. Anyways, yea. Ive found this group of really gossipy girls. Its like they know everything that happens in school. They make a few mistakes. But still quite reliable. And they are cool. Awesome people. Quraisyah, Aishah and Syafiqah. Its like our cliques just merged and blend. Aishah lives like 3 blocks away from me. So its like, we come to sch and go home together. Its great having someone to talk to on the way home. Esp after emoing on 154 for the past 4 years. Its like, when i have people around me, they just take my mind off things. Hmm.

Had dance today. It was like a one on one session coz the rest were away for some council stuff. Good thing I didnt give malay dance up for council as initially planned. We are like a family. Aww. I love MLD. But yea. I cant dance. I am trying tho. Our performance is coming up soon! Aristal on the 5th May at University Cultural Centre (Near Clementi). Get your $15/$20 tickets soon coz its gonna sell like hot cakes! Those not from NJC, consider coming down to support me ok!!I might like personally discount your tix prices!! Contact me ASAP! Haha.

My results in NJC have been fluctuating. The usual. Complacency. Its like i do super well and come in top or at least top few in class. And then boom. I fall to like the bottom. I just screwed 2 tests up. Its ok. just the begining. I will buck up. I hope. oh by the way. Happy April Fools' DAY! I got the "PRANKED" Card thing stuck on me twice. But i found both of them out in like 5 mins at most. HAHA.

ANyways, this is something I wrote some time ago on the bus. Haha. Its not that good, but its true.

Dou you want more of me?
My soul, my life
My everything?
I am willing to give

Do you want more of me?
After all that deceit
What is justice?
I have nothing left in me

Do you still want my life?
Filled with hatred and lies
No more tears left to cry
Save me, suck me dry

Do you want more of me?
Do you want more of me?
Please take it all away.
Please let me fade...

Today in My Life

2010-03-28T01:01:00.001+08:00

I dint go to sochool fo rthe first time on a normal school day in NJC on friday. was not feeling well. It was horrible. lets not talk abt that. Ok. So today. Had dance training. I was late and we all had to run like 11 rounds around the hall. I am sorry. But its coz one whole lane at PIE was closed coz there were like 2 separate accidents and they were like topping up soil for the plants in the middle of the expressway. There was a jam. I am not trying to justify or anything. But yea. Lesson learnt. Leave 30 mins earlier even if my dad is sending me to school. Anyway, dance was strenuous. Aristal is so near. I have to buck up. Its no longer about laughing and having fun. Though that still happens.haha.

Went out with ZH, Brian and Saiful aft dance. Orchard. i was starving. It was like 3+ and I havent had lunch. Went to Heeren's Macs. And then it started all over again. Bitching. The same things. With twists here and there. haha. Oh. And about people from our classes. I am so happy that we are still quite close. Fate was really on our side when we all managed to get into NJC. Or was it? Ok. Nvm.

Actually there is nothing much la. Just like that lor. Life goes on. Even if you fall. ANd refuse to stand up. You will have to make sacrifices, choices, compromises. Its hard. Very hard. Im learning. I know I am. Well, at least I think I know i am. Hmm.

Ok I guess I'd end my post here. Have fun ppl..

Some pics I'd like to share. Enjoy.

Us during MLD Camp!

Mik and I at UCC for MLD Performance Watching

I think I've uploaded this before. Its Brian and I during AP. We were the emcees. The GOH was a Minister!

Us when we went back to SJI for CNY. <3

Today in My Life

2010-03-22T23:48:00.000+08:00

I am a freak. A freak of nature. I know I am. its just so hard to fit in with the mainstream people. They just don't see things the way I do. Why can't I be what I want myself to be? Is that so hard? Why dont I fit in? Like Mik said. Sometimes its not a bad thing not being able to fit in. But hey. What happens when you dont even fit in with people closest to your hearts? I see a problem there. Its no one else's fault. Its mine. Sigh.

Its so hard trying. but I want to continue trying. I should be able to go on. i know I can. I was normal. I can be normal again. The past behind my scarred body is still quite hard to forget. It maybe trivial to many. To you. I dont exist. I am not present. I was never there. I am thrown out. Just like that. Deleted. Erased. Well, I couldnt do the same. Living with it sucks. Living sucks, if you think about it, but never mind. Lets not go into that.

I dont know hwats going on these months. Everythings changed. Ive changed. But then again, nothing changed. Almost nothing. Its confusing, I know. I guess I am the only one who will understand this post. I dont need people worrying for me. I have alot of that. too much in fact. I hate it. I do the worrying for you. Not the other way around. secrets are meant to be secrets. No. I am not gonna drag you all the way down into my world. i admit. i have to be selfish. I know what I want. But no. I dont deserve waht I want as of yet. Its ok. Just leave me alone. I will be ok. I am ok. Always ok. And dont worry about my new picture up on my blog. Its nothing. Dont let your imaginations run wild.

Happiness. Sigh. It will take some time before I even try. But yea. Time. Heals all wounds? We'll see. As of now, I still feel like I am being cut open. Disected alive. Those words still ring through my head. My world collapsed. Perfection. Hope. Life. Everything. Lost. I am dead. Dead yet alive. Alive yet dead. I am alive. hmm. We'll see. We'll see...

Today in My Life

2010-03-19T23:29:00.000+08:00

Ok. Sorry for not posting for some time. I am serious. NJC has really kept me busy. Its really amazing. I love the people there. I love my class. I love my cca. I love everything that has nothing to do with academics there. Its like they expect too much out of me. I don;t know if I am going to cope. I decided to pull out from Council at the last minute, even though I know I can make it in. I hope that will help.

Anyways, an update on whats going on. Firstly, the Singapore Youth Flying Club which Mikhail and I applied for. We went for the interview a scheduled, and boy, I screwed up BIG time. Mik went in first. He was wearing a tie. I didnt even know they were selling ties. And when I went in, the interviewer, who was a debator before, screwed me about how I should be giving importance to the interview by dressing well. WTH?! That was the first thing he said. And then he went on about how my rank in NCC wasnt good. And my NAPFA. Stupid standing broad jump. And then he asked me what I learnt from NCC. And I was like "We went for Gold Wing COurse, which taught us the Principles of flight". He stopped me and asked me how a plane flew. I crapped stuff I learnt from physics lecture on forces up. He was like "No No. I want u to talk abt the wings". I tried but failed to crap up. I was pushed to say "I am not sure..". ANd he was like "Thats surprising". =.= The only plus point was when he asked what I knew about the RSAF. I mugged the Wikipedia page on it the night before. I suanned him with my knowledge. And then he went to ask why I had so few career options whereas Mik had penned down that he waned to be a doctor etc. He was comparing me with Mik throughout. I told him being a pilot has been my dream blah blah blah. And then he asked me what I would do if he din let me in. "Wil you pay over $100 000 to get in? If you can pay, anyone can be a pilot". I said firmly. "Yes." That was it. I knew i was screwed. I felt so horrible after that. Its like, I couldnt even pass a simple interview?! Everyone was gonna mock at me. I am gonna be the laughing stock again. I ran towards a truck, and Mik pulled me back. I dont know. But I'd most probably had ran back to safety myself. The results were to be out between 1pm to 2pm that day. Before the interview, the lady kept looking at me as well when she mentioned that those who failed the interview would receive a postcard, and nt the email. I asked mik if i could follow him home. I didnt want to be alone. We went to City Square and I ate SO much there. I think mik got a bit shocked. I felt better after that. Then went to Miks house. Watch him bake tarts. Sing and dance in his room. Went to check email. Mik got in. and then at the top, he noticed that my email add was in the recepients lit as well. WOHOO!

And so, I got in! We were down for a full body checkup that Thursday morning. We get to skip school. Anyway, Scholl was half day that day as well. The check up was kinda fun. Its like some treasure hunt where u had to go to "checkpoints". I dont think they made for it to be fun but nvm. I think i screwed the audio test up. I was not supposed to blast music for one week before the checkup. Obviously, I didnt listen. haha. Then blood test. It was hilarious. And nice. urine test. Then ECG. I had ti lie there half naked for so long coz my heart rate was too fast. I was nervous. haha. Had to retake X Ray and pay $30 coz my spine is crooked. haha. Optical test was ok. hmm. Thats about it. Oh. And I dont know why, they didnt check my... They were supposed to have that. HAha. Results for the medical arenot out yet. Hopefully I get in. But i wont be too disappointed if I dont, coz this is beyond my control.

The March holidays have started. Last Sunday we went for a performance at UCC with MLD. God. I love MLD. It rocks. UCC again. Those memories. Sigh. ok. The performance was cool. Its called Fitrah by the NUS Malay Dance Group. Their coach is also our coach. So yea. Then went to bitch at prata cafe at 10pm together with Aqilah and Saiful. Joey left quite early. Then went home to pack for MLD camp next day. The camp wa so fun. The highlight: Our (Mik and I) performance of Bad Romance. I am still trying to get some one to upload it. It wa sliterally explosive. Seriously. We had make up on. Sprayed our hair white.had rocking moves. It was awesome and a big hit. Then we also had night trail wehre we go to stations to get spooked out. We screamed so much. For the fun of it. haha. Hong fell and fractured her leg at the grandstand. So we had to miss 2 stations. But it was cool. As long as everyone's alright. ;) Oh yea. And theres this ghost story in NJC. Its not like stories in SJI etc. Its like this female toilet is really really locked up and a vertical sign saying "STOREROOM" was put up on the door after a girl got raped by a construction workter there late at night. There are a few versions. The more popular one is that she commited suicide. Another is she was murdered. And one more. She commited suicide coz she din do welll in her exams. Its like there is this window above the door. even that was sealed with cardboard. There are rumours that there are amulets and talismans behind teh sign as well as in the toilet. Its really creepy. We spent the night talking abt many other stories. I couldnt sleep that night. Not so much coz of the stories, But it was just uncomfortable. I woke up like 6 times. And my neck ached for like the whole day aft that night. The floor was too hard. haha.

For Malay Dance, I cant wait to dance for Aristal. Its like the most prestigious event for the performing arts calendar. Seriously. But then, I cant dance, And I really need to practice to make it up to Aristal standards. And then its the YOG Opening Ceremony. Can you believe it? We have a chance to be watched by an International audience. How cool is that?! Then SYF next year. Gonna be quite stressful. And I havent even finished my March holidays homework. Im really lagging behind. But it always happens. I hope I will catch up. PW and SYFC hasnt even kicked in yet. And ILDDS/Indian Dance keeps haunting me to join them. I cant even cope right now ppl! Aiyo! Its like all the ccas have a shortage for guys! ZLike choir, hockey etc. Anyways, I have dance tmrw. Wohoo. So i gotta turn in now. Nites!

Today in My Life

2010-02-27T21:25:00.000+08:00

Its the 27th. One month since my grandma passed away. I have had people coming up to me, comforting me and I would like to thank all of them. But then, it was the first time I have ever experienced a loss at this scale, and it will take some time. Meanwhile, I was back to my old self again soon enough. I forced myself to. I had to. I did not need anyone to worry. Not for me.

And so, school has gone into normal mode. I got into 10SH14. There were 26 classe alotgether, and seriously, how lucky can I get? I don't have anyone from my OG in my class, which I suppose is a good thing. I was rather reserved with them. They didnt know me. I was afraid it would be SJI again. Oh and the lucky part, I got Zhi Hao in my class. I mean out of hundreds of people, Tan Zhi Hao! My classmate in lower sec. we were still very close in upper sec. We were in side by side classes and went out with mik and brian ver7y very often. And now, we are classmates again. Haha.

I am in Malay Dance for the time being now. I was so stiff when I joined. But now, after 2 sessions, I can finally do a bridge! I knw malay dance is kinda... but then, it is kind of fun. I am also planning to run for council. Interview for YFC is on 6th March. And I want to join OAC. I know. I havent decided yet. Still taking my time. Oh. And I am the PE rep in my class. I have been very very naughty recently. Its like I laughed at the econs teacher throughout the whole 2 lessons that we've had so far. My laughther also spread all the way around the class. Then this girl fell during some Council Announcement during morning assembly and I laughed all the way. Again people started laughing with me. I have a problem controling. I know. Haha. And then GP. Ms Tay and I were arguing abt Lady Gaga. -.- She was against her of course and I just shouted my opinions. Haha. There has been a few incidents that we have clashed. But she is a nice teacher. Haha.

Ok. Life. Its not going as well as I expected it to be. I have not broken free form whatever I have been previously dependent on for survival. I don't want to. But then, I have to. I don't know. I am giving myself some time right now. I just dont wanna think for now. NJC is a mugger school alright. Its scary. Very scary. And I dont want all the crap that happened in SJI to pull me down in NJC, causing me to lose out for no good reason. But then again, I wouldnt mind going through SJI again. Just those moments.

Today in My Life

2010-02-12T16:48:00.000+08:00

Last week Mikhail, Linus and I went for the Singapore AIr Show. We had breakfast at Changi Airport. we ate at Popeyes. It was paradise. Nearly paradise. But more ex than Macs of courese. But then again, it was worth it. And then we queued up for the shuttle bu which will bring us into changi exhibition hall where ll the events would take place. It was a super long queue. But thankfully it moved VERY fast. And then, we were off.

The air show was to start at 11.30 and we were early. We had to go through some security checks. So we stuffed all metallic objects in our bags. I hate going through those bbody scanners. They beep at me for no reason. This time, i was relieved that it kept quiet. I took all the precautions. Just as I was about to collect my bag, I hear beepings.

The security officer: Sir, you have a pair of scissors in your bag. You have two, if I am not worng.

I was so shocked. I had clean forgotten about the 2 pairs of scissors in my pencil case. In fact, I forgot even that I had 2 pairs. Mik was scolding me as I desperately defended myself, claiming it was solely for use in school. The officer got me to take them out and thankfully, she let me in. HAHA. And so the Air Show started. It was abit disappointing. I had expected more planes to perrform. But nonetheless, it was still entertaining. After the show, thousands of people tried to enter the Hall. They were rushing to get out of the blistering heat. That caused a human jam just outside the entrances. After pushing and shoving, we were all revived upon feeling the comforts the sir conditioning btought about. haha. We were feeling exhausted already and sat down for a few mins. We went to this booth and took some water from their dispenser. The water there was so ex. We were also rushing to collect free giveaways and queuing up to enter and take pics in some army tankers. In short, we were cheapskate and childish. I wanted to enter the giant indoor plane, and the ones outdoors too, but the queues weere too long. Oh and we saw Lester Lee there.

We walked around the hall, then rested ssome more, and then went out into the merciless sun again to view the static displays. There were many planes there. We wanted to enter and view them, but as mentioned, the queues were too long. people were taking refuge under the wings of the C130. And as we alked around it, we shouted: "Good thing we already flew around singapore in this plane. These people are queuing just to go in them. It was so fun flying in this!" near those queuing in the sun. HAHA! We flew in it through NCC AIr. And then, we went to the Piper Warrioir display. It was the plane we would be able to fly if we pass our PPL. We told the lady about our application and she was kind enough to show us the parts of the plane. It was easy to fly that plane, or so it seems. haha.

We left after some time and then got back to T3, where mik and linus had lunch while I fell asleep for a while at Kopitiam. It was at about 4-5 pm.After they ate, I realised that there wAS nothing for me to eat there. Mik suggested going to the staff canteen at T2. We took the skytrain! HAHA! We had so much difficulty finding it. On our way there, we stopped and danced to Shut Up and Drive, in front of many restraunnts right in the public eye! We learnt the moves from our orientation bit i wasnt that good because I didnt come for the main mass dance session, and also coz i cant dance. Still, we enjoyed making a fool out of ourselves, losing every bit of dignity we were barely clinging on to. haha. We took a vid of it. people were staring and laughing at us. HAHA. Then, we found the staff canteen. We ate there again. After that, i went crazy. Screaming, shrieking, shouting, laughing like a pig. evrything. We wanted to create our on version of Just For Laughs Gags, by playing pranks on people. Mik agreed too. But I just couldnt stop laughing, just after less than 2 seconds. I was thinking of what their reaction would be. Then Mik and I broke out into a fight. (We do that alot of times. Dont worry.) And I got down to attck his new shoes. I was like sitting on the ground, trying to pull his shoe off. Oh oh. And we were in the middle of the staff canteen. People were having dinner there. HAHA! Then this fruit stall auntie came over stared at us. I gave in and let go. She called Mik an 11 year old, while me, a 10 yr old. She was like "You ah.. so naughty!" I was speechless. Of all these times we made a fool out of ourselves in public, this is the first time someone actually came up to us. HAHA!

Today we had CNY celebrations in school. It was ok. We exchanged oranges in the morning with one anther. Some ppl in my OG also brought chocolates, cookies for us. I felt so bad for not bringing anythng even though Mik, Brian and Saiful brought stuff to give ppl! We had the NJC Superstar Competition and I was one of the 30 or so who could vote. I voted for Eugenia who came in 2nd. After that, we were off to SJI. I never wanted to go on there again. Butr there was some unfinished business, that sadly, hasnt ended yet. Dont worry. I will have my time. And so we met up with Ms Mos, ms Kumuda, Ms Chia, Mr Lim, Ms Mara, Mr sim. Notice how I put Mr and Ms behind every name. HAHA! We had intended to go to Orchard, but things didnt go as planned. And now, I am here! Ok. Its 5 pm and I still havent had lunch. I guess Id better go off. Pics from the AIr Show should be up soon! Oh Oh! AND HAVE A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS LUNAR NEW YEAR! GONG XI FA CAI!! And Happy Valentines Day!!

My Life

2010-02-05T20:13:00.000+08:00

I apologise for not posting for quite some time. Alot of things happened recently. My grandmother passed away. I got my new school. Went for orientation in JC.

Ok. So my grandmother. She was the third wife of a rich man. My grandmother had burmese blood and grew up in a Malay Kampung. She was 19 when she got married to a 40 year old man, my grandfather. She wasnt a perfect woman. She had alot of insecurities and it was never her fault. I watched my grandmother passed away. I was so helpless. So scared. I was in denial. She used to be so cheerful. Lively. And all tthat lay was a cold, lifeless body. Her mouth had turned blue. Fingernails became pale. Her pulse was very weak. I was right in front of her, together with a few other family members. It was the 27th of January. I reeived the message from MOE regarding my JC that morning. It was about 4.05 pm when we realised it was over. She was breathing very hard. Its like every breath was sucking her life out of her. She had always wanted to pass on at home. At least that wish was fulfilled. It was as if she was having a fits attack. Sh ewas shaking with every breath the past 2 days. We prayed for her. And then, everything slowed down. She stopped shaking. She could breathe normally again. Her eyes were finally open but only halfway through. It was as if she was in deep sleep. As if she was peaceful. And then, we notcied how her lips and tungue were turning purple. Her body, ice cold. It was too much for me to bear. I had never experienced such agony. The doctor came in at 4.30 and pronounced her dead at 4.43 pm. He said she died peacefully. I was crying so, so much. My eyes were swelling. I was feeling so, so guilty. I watched my grandmother die.

I had to go to school the next day for registration. I skipped Orientation. It was the day she wa going to be buried.The women bathed my grandma. Wrapped her in white cloth and then some sarong, which was passed down frm her mother. She looked so beautiful when they opened the cloth. It just hurt so so much. Even the lady who was hired said so. There was this brightness in her face. This radiance. My grandma's great grandson, who is turning 1 soon couldnt stop crying. We then went to the cemetery. Placed her in the kubur. I was crying so badly. Its the first time I had someone close passing on. I couldnt even eat. I refused to fall asleep. I just wanted my grandma back. Where was she? Was she happy? How could she just leave like that? It was so so unfair! She promised to cook for me when she got better. She never did. I cried myself to sleep for 2 nights. My parents got so worried too. They were like comforting me, telling that she is still with us, and that tears will only be a burden to her soul. It was hard to stop crying.

Ok I dont want to go on anymore. And so orientation. It was fun. Thats all. Made new friends. But not really close ones. Im still more or less with ZH and mik. Brians gt his new set of frens. Linus is in Arts. SO yea. Mik is always wanting to stick with his OG. Actually, now I think its better if he did. Ok nvm. OK. then Mass Dance. We danced to shut up and drive. By beloved rihanna. I didnt manage to dance with a gal tho. It wouldve been rly awkward coz ud have to like hold her hand. I knw. I am conservative. Then showdown. Throwing water bombs a everyone. So cool! BUt the field was so so super hot. Oh and if u thot the muslim food in SJI sucks, NJC is worse. God. I am just surviving on bubble tea la. How cool is that?! They sell bubble tea! i am like trying a new flavour everyday. CCA Carnival. Mik and I decided to apply for Singapore Youth Flying Club. I am abit skeptical though. Its going to be so hectic. Trainings thrice a week. AT seletar air base. And there will be aeromodelling, which I think I suck at But hey. The teacher SUCKED big time in NCC. NONE of us completed our planes. Maybe this time I would be able to. If all goes well, I should get my Private Pilots License by thisyear. Id be like flying a plane before I even drive a car. Seriously. How awesome is that?!

Lectures have started. Quite slack right now. Temporary timetable until our subjects are confirmed. My first choice was PCME. the usual. Hopefully i get it. I wanted Geog but it has no t much future. ANd so i chose Econs. And I am like in OG2 when all my other frens are in OG 14 and above. OG1-12 qld have same locations for everything. How suay can I get? But then again, my OG rox. They are nice people. Not too open like other OGs. But receptive enough. I need to make new friends urgently. I dont need a repeat of SJI in NJC. ZH and I have been talking alot about this lately. We have to stop evrything. Quite a few ppl went to NJC via IP from SJI in Sec 2 and God. They have become kind of snobbish. 2 of them at least. I really thought I wld be welcomed by them. And i was even told I wouldnt be able to make it to NJC?! Excuse me. I made it even without 100% of my efforts ok. Argh.

Today in My Life

2010-01-21T22:51:00.000+08:00

I am still not over the O Levels. I should have studied properly. Yes I did study. Buut it was so slack. I shouldnt have underestimated the O Levels. ARGH. And I had a fever before the Os, and a slight one after the results! Probably due to stress, but still, no excuse. I know. Anyway, JC would start in a week or so. I am not that excited. It would all depend on what I get AND most importantly who else I see there. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Ok. So today i went to Jurong Point for shopping. Wanted to go ION, but too far ler. There, I saw Shan Yi working at some shop. She saw my bro and thought he looked alot like me and went up to my bro. My bro called me and I was like, "I know you, but I dont know your name". Then, at Mc Cafe, I saw Atiqah. My pri 4 classmate. It was nice seeing her. We were like waving at each other and smiling smiling. Awkward, but nice to see old pals. Ok. So at JP, I spent over a $100. The first time Ive evr done so without my parents. I bought this Zinc bag (YEs, no more converse ler) and a Pierre Cardin Belt. I wanted the Pieere Cardin wallet too, but my sis was like staring at me. She felt the pinch. I decided to let my mother get it for me. She owes me a gift! HAHA!

YEsterday, i met Chris at Chi Gardens. We had some "fun" at the Pagoda. Then we went to the Turtle and Tortoise Museum. I wasnt expecting much. But it was good! We went at feeding and watched turtles/tortoises wating cucmbers. There were so many Pig Nosed Turtles. We were like laughing. Some were HUGE! Seriously. There was this aligator turtle that was like WHOA! We went out to the the ponds where the larger ones were kept. There was this 82 yr old one. It was some fortune turtle. We sat down at the swing thing and chilled for some time before heading out. My grandma was warded at Alexandra Hospital and I met up with my mum and sis to go visit her after that. My grandma looked weak,but ok overall.

These few days have been ok. Still cant believe I am out of SJI! WOAH! FINALY! I AM OUT! I AM SAVED! But seriously. Sji, I hate it. I must admit SOME people were nice. Teachers were somewhat caring. But yea. I cant be any happier that I am out. I hope I can mean what I just typed. I mean, yes, i still dont want to go back there. But.. Sigh. Its complicated. No one will ever truly understand.

WHO AM I? U dont need to know who I am. Seriously. Im sorry. It was all a mistake that I dont want to correct. I cant. i ve had enough of trying, failing. Enough.

Today in My Life

2010-01-16T21:10:00.000+08:00

The O level results were out this week. I got 4 points. I was upset because of that. I had expected at least a 3. But then again, I never really studied. And getting a 4 is like WOAH! But the main reason was probably the fact that I knew I screwed my SPAs up. I just didnt get how much 20% actually is at that time, which was way before the O levels began. The O level period was actually quite fun. I still remember how we got drenched to the skin before the Bio Paper 2, was were freezing aand sneezing in the hall. haha. And ZH. argh. The moment he saw my dismal grades, (I still consider them horrible), he started smiling to himself. ARGH. He was saying he screwed up the whole time. He even toyed with the idea of going to ITE! And he scored the best among us. ARGH ARGH ARGh. Not that I am not happy for him. But seriously. Its not funny.

So, 2010. We spent the first day of 2010 at OCH. Yes, we went there again. This time we went all the way in. We then realised that something was happening there. It was being re- developed. They were painting the compound. Chinese prayer stuff were removed. But since it was a public holiday, we didnt see anyone there, except a couple of army personnel from the nearby SAF School, who came and left a box there. We even thought it might be a bomb. Yes. We were paranoid. haha. But when we found it after they had left, there was a light stick and we figured it could be part of some game.

I filled in all 12 choices for my JC already. My first was NJC Science. I had wanted it so so much. And I was satisfied I could stil have it as my first choice. But now, Id rather go for my second choice. I must get my second choice. Die die. But then again, I might appeal out if I do get my second choice. It all depends on who else I see there. NJC is said to be a mugger-school. Im not the mugger kind. Totally. SO i thought maybe, being there might change me and maybe I can actually do better than I already am doing. My L1R5 is in the top 5% of Singapore. It isnt THAT bad right? But maybe, if I do get NJC, I can go up to like to 1%, although I dont know how I can actually be sure. Ok. THats nonsense. Ok. I am crapping. Guess I'll end here.

Today in My Life

2010-01-11T23:23:00.001+08:00

It was results day today. We went to Adam fr lunch before we reported to school. I had to pay some money to the school before I could collect my results. Good thing I came at 11 and managed to beat the long queues. We went up to the cenacle. Our usual meeting place. ZH, as usual, was bitching abt how he screwed English up.

I saw my results in the class list, which Mr Ingham failed to hide. I was broken. I swear, I could have jumped off that moment. It couldnt be true. I know I never studied properly. But not that bad. It had to be a mistake. It just had to be. After some announcements, we realised that SJI's L1B5 deproved, barely retaining its Band 1 standard. To think, Dr Koh could start with "SJI has done very well". That sort of confirmed that my score was indeed dismal. Really. I was just so, so shattered inside.

Got my results slip. Saw the many A2s that I got. My worst fears came true. I was so afraid of A2s. My HMT, the most disappointing. Sigh sigh sigh. I got 8 points. After adding 4 bonus points, I got 4 points. I was willing to live with a 3. I told my dad and my relatives. They seemed happy. It hurt so, so much. It was as if they were mocking at me. I don't know. I called my mom. She seemed pissed with me. I dont know why. I shoutedat her at the bus stop. She apologised to me when I got home, and said she was happy. One good thing though. My Combined Humans. I totally gave up on it. If you remember, that was the subject that ruined my straight As, when I got a C6. I was thinking I d fail it, considering i totally didnt know the formats for SBQs, which I got a 5/25 for in the prelims. I never ompleted reading TKAM too. But I managed an A2 for Combined Humanities. We went to Ion after that. I just wanted to be hidden from those people that stare, mock, laugh. Ion didnt help, but those I was with did.

At least there was something that comforted me. You. Though I was abit disappointed, I had to lower my expectations so that I could reach that stage. But really. I didnt feel good about it. I am sorry. I just hope destiny will be by my side. I dont know. I am just so torn apart right now. I am ook. I just dont know what I should do. I cant afford to lose that last bit of life I am barely hanging on to right now. O God. I am beyond salvatiion. I am beginning to pity myself. I know I shouldnt. But...

Today in My Life

2010-01-05T23:46:00.000+08:00

Welcome 2010! The year had a rocky start. A very rocky one. I don't know. I just don't want to decide. I am suffering from serious "withdrawal symptoms". Will you just give me one chance to prove myself to be worthy? I know what it means, much more than you. I just want to look out. Be on the sidelines. Please please. I am begging you. But then again, everything is futile. Its all gone. All gone. Is it so hard? Why have you changed so much? I could have kept you safe from those.. I'd have kept you in that perfect state that you were in. No.You are still perfect. Yes you are. Its a desperate plea; a need. I am all alone right now. Just like you requested.

Sigh. Its just very hard you know. I am really sorry. Remember those times? I didnt seem that bad did I? Why do u choose to believe them? I realy need hope now. Please. Please Please. I dont know how long more I can last like this. It hurts. So, so much. I can;t cry anymore. I don't want to. I dont want to move on. What will fil the emptiness, darkness forgeting everythng would leave behind. Its scary. Very scry. I am afraid. I don't know what Ive gotten myself into. I dont want to get out. U hav emy life in your hands. I dont mind the pain. Just dont ignore me. I don't want to be despised, hated by you.

No, no. Its not love. It was never love. It never will be. I wouldnt allow it to. It isnt that cheap. That impure. Its more than that. I dont know what it is. Its pure. The purest of all emotions. It looks at who you really are. I saw it in you. I felt it. I fell for it. And just when I thought I was satisfied, you had to stab. So deep. So pain. so much blood. So many silent screams. Pleas. How merciless. Its not your fault. No its not.

And yes. It was love. You made me feel it. You made me perfect. Something I can never achieve agian. I have been scarred thanks to those stabs. No you didnt stab me. They did. You did too. But not you. Both of you just mean too much. My world had collapsed. Will it ever be rebuilT? I dont have an answer. I just dont knw. I really, really dont. Without you, its no use rebuilding anyway. Rolling in the debris like a madman. Maybe, maybe I am crazy? No. I am not. I am still sane. Am I?

[Its ok if you don't understand anything. I don't get it too.]

GoodBye 2009

2010-01-01T13:32:00.000+08:00

Its the last day of 2009 people. Like you wouldnt already know. But yea. So 2009. It has been a dark year for me. Very scary one. But Ive managed to go through it, not without my share of pain though. Without those people who stood by me, even in the smallest ways, I wouldn't be here now. Even if one of you were missing from my life, things would have gone alot differnet. Words cant describe how grateful I am. I don't know what to say other than, Thank you! As much as 2009 has been a bad year, I really really dont want it to end. Im willing to go through everythng again. Don't ask me why. I have my reasons...

So last night, I called in 987FM for the first and last time in 2009. Requested for Bleedig Love. Desiree asked me how I was going to spend my eve. And I was like, "Going out with my mother". But I don;t know. My dad can make it and I don't want to sort of "steal" his place. So yea.

O levels results day is nearing. I know I havent done well. The best I could get would be like 7-8 points. I would have 4 bonus. But thats just the best. I know how well I actually studied, if that was even considered mugging. There goes my 6 points. I probably cant make it to the same JC as those I want to be with. Being alone for two years isnt that bad. Ive been through it before. Its just like De Ja Vue. But its ok. I'll survive. I hope i will.

Ok. Its a brand new year tomorrow. I sincerely hope all those I care for would have a great beginning to 2010. You guys have got things going your way. Make full use of it. Be strong! See ya when the year starts! Love all of yoU!

Today in My Life

2009-12-30T15:59:00.000+08:00

I was in Malaysia from the 24th to the 27th of December. We had to attend a wedding in Kuala Lumpur. So my mom got her cousin in KL to book us two rooms at Sunway Lagoon for two nights. We were to spend the first night in JB. My cousins' families booked a hotel (I think its a motel) nearer to the venue, near Batu Caves. My parents wanted this to be more of like a holiday than a trip to attend a wedding. We stayed in Sunway before. It was fun.

In JB, we bought DVDs for Saw VI and 2012. Saw VI is R21 if i am not wrong. My parents bought a DVD player that came with games too. Saw 6 was disappointing. Not bloody enough. Only the first part was gory. The rest failed to freak me out. The movie was also quite short. We were qwatching throuught the night. I watched 2012 before. It got abit boring for me. I fell asleep at like 4.45 am. The movie ended at 5+. We were to wake up at 6.30am to drive to KL. I slept so much throughout the journey there.

We were to meet my mum's cousin's friend and son at some Petronas Petrol station at Nilai. There, we were greeted by Dunkin' Doughnuts! I persuaded my parents tp get me some. we then drove off to their house to meet my mum;s uncle who had just returned from Hajj. My mom then "donated" ALL 6 donuts to them! ARGH! I was so upset. We had lunch there and then, we were off to Sunway Lagoon. Checking In was such a hassle. My mother screwed up big time. The rates for that day (It was Christmas) were at RM650++ per room. Good thing, we knew their manager and had booked earlier and we got 2 rooms at RM290++ each. But because they were full, we had to settle for connecting rooms that had no view of the theme park.

After that, my uncle gt his friend to lead us all the way to the wedding venue. It took like 30 mins to get there! My dad was complaining that my mum shld have booked the same hotel (or motel?) as my cousins. It was annoying. That hotel is probably 2 stars? Thats not a holiday! The venue was not crowded. Then we went to some house. There was this huge lizard that freaked me out! We then went off for seafood dinner. There, a flying cockroach freaked us all out! seriously. Malaysia needs alot of baygon. In the car, while waiting for my uncle to lead us back to the hotel, this cockroach flew straight onto the window and freaked me out, again! i screamed. We got out of the car and realised the whole place was infested with huge cockroaches. We sought solace in car. HAHA.

The next day, we had breakfast. It was boring. The same buffet that we have seen in countless hotels. We went up again and I fell asleep. I was just tired. My parents woke me up to attend the wedding lunch/dinner. I refused. I was nt feeling well. They left me alone in the room. After like 30 mins, I woke up, and proceeded to Sunway Pyramid Shopping Centre, looking for food, with RM 8 with me. i couldnt find anything. I was watching people fall on the ice skating ring and walked around the whole shopping centre like thrice. It was huge. I also realisedd that they had Dunkin, Krispy Kreme (the ones mik bought from Aust) and J. CO donuts. I was excited. I went bak up to my room and called my mom. I told her i was going for In Room Dining. And so I did. I got Nasi Goreng with coke. Charged to the hotel deposit. The coke cost a freaking RM11! And I forgot that there is this vending machine that sold drinks for just RM2 just outside my room! AIYOH! MY parents came back at around 4. They had already brought food for me. HAHA. They got a bit pissed, but who cares?

Then it started raining. I was watching Alvin and the Chipmunks. I watched that on the plane to beijing too. Haha. We wanted to go on to the Theme park. But they were closing at 6. And it was also raining. Then we found out that the Dry park was also open at night. Free entry but you'll have to pay per ride. At first, all the rides were closed due to bad weather. They opened one by one. But not all rides would open at night. :( We went on this spinning shoe thing, a small ferris wheel that was high up, played some arcade- styled games and some boat ride. The boat was the fun-nest. Especially because it was at night. It then got crowded. We watched tiger feeding. Then made our way back. I was leading the way, I knew the place so well after going around like thrice. HAHA, My dad wasnt with us. He was tired. My uncle's family was. It waas already 10pm. We went up and realised that my dad was missing. HAHA.

We went down, to the shops, thinkong he had went to eat. But we cldnt find him.
We then wwnt to KFC for lunch. I was asked to look for him at the hotel lobby. I saw him and God, HE SNAPPED AT ME! I was seriously pissed. He was like Where did you go? WHy so late! He was shouting la. ARGH! I asked him to follow me to the KFC. He refused. ARGGGGGHHH! I went back telling them I did not see him. While having dinner, he popped in and started smiling. I rolled my eyes.he sat beside me and offered me a drink,. I rejected it. HAHA. so drama. But it all got better after that. My dad and uncle went on talking abt business. My uncles multi-million dollar business was doing well. But insiders were apparently laying their hands on the money. My dad was telling him his experiences too. HAHA. And so, they talked till like 12.30 am. We then bade farewell to their family.

We were going home the next day. Breakfast again. A bit different. But still boring. Went up. I fell asleep again! HAHA. They packed up for me and poof. We were off. My dad did not want to disturb my uncle who was super busy. So we decided to make our own way back to SG. The boards in Malaysia are seriously seriously serioulsy screwed up! One board would have JB and the next board wouldnot. One would say turn left. The other, go straight. My dad got so angry. Turn here turn there, And we ended up in Sunway AGAIN! HAHA. Somehow, we asked around and got onto the highway to JB, where we had lunch, washed car, and sent clothes to Dhobi. (Laundry) Then, we were on our way to SG via secondlink to beat the jam. We reached home at around 6.15pm.

Then, Singapore Idol. Seriously. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH SINGAPOREANS!!!! SYLVIA IS WAY, WAY BETTER THAN SSEZAIRI! (except that she could have done better in the finals. that wasnt her best) BUT STILL! I voted for Sylvia. ZH voted 20 times. Mik voted too. That wasnt enough. The malay community in SG is seriously so so suportive of Sezairi. But seriously. Sylvia has better vocal abilities. A better tone. Better image than Sezairi. Even Tabitha is better than Sezairi. Ken thinks so too!! This is so screwed up. Last night, my bro called 987 FM and voiced his disappointments. So many groups on facebook surfaced after Idol, supporting Sylvia. But seriously, they should have voted instead of creating groups. Its all too late. :( Oh OH. And did u see Charice? MY GOD! SHE WAS AWESOME! I love her rendition of I will always love you by Whitney Houston. (But DUH, Leona's is better). But stilL! Go watch her on YouTube. SHe has such a powerful voice! And shes so young! She sang with Celine Dion before! But still, Leona's the best larh. :P

Today in My Life

2009-12-22T17:56:00.000+08:00

HEY! Last weekend, my cousin got married. I attended the wedding. It was so fun. On saturday, the bride's side threw a feast at the CC near my house. The food was not up to expectations. In anycase, I had fun, meeting up with my other cousins and all. On Sunday, it was our turn for the wedding banquet. The food was better. I am not biased or anythng. haha. I was called in for the procession thing and God, the Kompangs were deafening! HAha! But they were very, very cool. We took pics. Ran around. Chatted. Ate. It was more fun than I had expected it to be.

My family decided not to go anywhere far this holidays cause my grandmother has not been in the best of health. But anyways, we are going to KL this weekend. To attend some wedding as well as a short holiday. I am kinda excited. We should be staying in Sunway Lagooon. For the theme park. I still remember how I cried on the suspension bridge the last time I went there. Haha, It was just so high! There are also plans to drive all the way to Genting for the theme park but nothings confirmed. (as usual.)

Yesterday, I went to Miks house for donuts he brought over frm Australia. They were very good. Apparently, even Beyonce eats them. its called Krispy Kreme. They just opened in Berjaya Times Square in KL according to Mik. I hope to get some there. HAha, i love donuts. Oh and we also watched Avatar on the opening day again! IT WAS AWESOME!!! MUST WATCH MOVIE OF THE YEAR!! We did not watch in 3D coz the seats weren't good. 3D would have been better. Nevertheless, its a GREAT movie. Oh, If you are planing to catch it, stay inthe theatre after the movie ends to listen to Leona Lewis' I See You, the official soundtrack. You might not like it at first. But trust me. You will if u give it a chance. Check the lyrics out too. Listen to it a few times. Its EPIC. I am not saying this only coz its Leona. Its produced my the same producers of the song My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion for Titanic. So yea. U can guess..

I am feeling so lazy right now. Also been VERY forgetful these few weeks. And my sleep patterns have been totally altered. I sleep at like 2-3 am and wake up, never seeing mornings. Sometimes, I skip breakfast and have lunch right away. other times, I have both in a span of like 2 hours. I knw. I eat ALOT. HAHA. Oh. And Brian's away in Beijing.

My favourite lines from the Leona LEwis cover of the Oasis song, Stop Crying Your Heart Out:

"All of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Just take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out.."

Fire

2009-12-12T16:22:00.000+08:00

Reach the light
End of the tunnel
Eternal brightness
Fills my empty world
Remembering my past
My cold, still heart
Drifting into darkness
Time to do my part

Moving on
Away from sin's path
Nevertheless
I've earned Your wrath
I kneel before You
Guilty inside
My bloody halo
Impossible to hide

Those words I said
Thoughts that poisoned
Actions that sought
Only to cripple
It is time to answer
Don't want to run
Embracing the fire
To end what I had begun.

Today in My Life

2009-12-12T16:02:00.000+08:00

Ra Ra Ah Ah AH Roma Roma Ma Ga GA Ohh La La!

I LOVE LADY GAGA! GAGA ROX! FAME MONSTER ROX!

Ok. Enough. So im bored as usual. My sis is away in Malacca with my aunt. Shes also taking her drivers' license. I want mine too! I wanna drive! Driving is cool

CAUSE IM A FREAK BITCH BABY!

Other than that, I stayed up late last nite to watch Leona on MTV. God,I love her.

I want your love, i dont wanna be friends!

Oh yea. Ferozia came over to collect some of my old books just nw. I havent cleared my room uo yet. There lots of worksheets, books etc chucked in the corner. I'll have to do it soon. I dont want the corner to be breeding grounds for lizards. I hate lizards. On Hari Raya Haji, I was in JB, walking to my block when this huge lizard dropped on my baju kurung from the ceiling. I totally freakked out. It carwled around before jumping off me to the ground after hearing my screams! HAHA! I was screaming even afetr it jumped off. I swear i hate lizards.

Cant read my pokerface!

IM BORED. IM BORED. IM BORED.

Oh yea. I changed my hp no. For those who didnt get the message regarding my new number, u can ask for it. I doubt anyone would, but yea. Its part of my starting afresh plans, that arent going too well. Nvrmind abt that.

Love me hate me say what you want about me. All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if u seek amy!

Today in My Life

2009-12-05T16:04:00.000+08:00

The holidays have been great. We went to OCH once. It was fun. We saw 4 other teenager there exploring the compunds as well. This week, we also went to West Coast Park. It was so fun. The last time I went there was after the PSLE. We went around playing like small kids. So carefree. Miss those times.

I also watched New Moon with Mik at Jurong Point on 3 Dec. This was the 2nd time ever i wathced a movie on its opening day. The first was Hannah. haha. The movie was great. I liked it. I know, many people have said that it is boring etc. But i thought it was nice, worth it. Twilight had a stronger storyline though.

Yesterday, I went to my aunt's house to sort of give tuition to my primary 5 cousin. Hes going on to pri 6 next year. And was not doing very well in maths. God, P5 maths is alot harder now that calculators are allowed. 2 questions managed to leave me stumped. Good thing I figured them out soon enough. What is the value of 1/4%? And the answer was o.oo25. I was like, "WHAT??" and when i finally figured out how to do it, i despised myself for beling so carelessly dumb. haha.

Its been raining alot these few days. Convectional rain. Usually in cities. Occurs in the late afternoons or evenings. Short lived but usually accompanied by lightnings and of course thunder. haha. Geography. Its nice and cool. I like it this way. Recently, I also had this weird dream that I got B3s for every subject for my results except MT, which I already have an A1 for. I don't know why, but in my dream, that amounted to 10 points. I was so upset. haha. weird. before PSLE, I also had such dreams. Once, I got a 194 and another time I got a 27-someting.

Ok. I have to admit that I am bored. I dont know what to do. Mik's away in Australia. Zh just came back from Japan. And BRian's always depressed. My life has gone from drama to boredom. Its good that I can finally rest for a while now. But I dont want to stay stagnant like this for too long. What should I do?

Today in My Life

2009-11-28T09:21:00.000+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA HAJI! Ok. Today, we woke up at like 6 am to get ready for prayers that will commence at 7.30. We had to wake up early even though I live so near the mosque to secure seats. haha. so after the usual sneezing, i put on my baju kurung. I was so tired. Slept quite late last night. It was the eve of raya, and also my birthday.

I was welcomed into my 16 th year alive by Bleeding Love. Seriously,the day before was so horrible. I reached breaking point on the 25th. Sigh. Lets not go into that on this special day. Ok. So I reluctantly entered my 16th year. We had guests over to my place for raya eve. My mother cooked. But not many people came.It wasnt like raya at all. Sigh. After my grandma's house was sold, it has become apparent that families have gone on their own way. Its sad. :(

What am I doing here when it is Raya? We're waiting for my aunts and cousins to come over for breakfast. We used to congregate in my grandma's hse on eve and on raya itself. There were no exceptions, no excuses for anyone not to turn up. All the women would shre the workload of cooking and cleaning up, with the help of maids. The children (inclu. me) would play, and just have fun. I miss those times. It doesnt feel like Raya at all. Its really sad.

Last night I had this weird dream. We were all running. You were running away from me. I tried so hard to catch up. But you just kept running. I couldn't catch up. I did not give up. And then, after all the running, you just disappeared. And then, the line "You were never scared to walk through the fire, I wish I had your faith" came to my head. It was really scary. But pleasant as well.

Oh yea. THANK YOU! I would like to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday! Most of them were like "Be happy". I don;t know why. Even my ex domestic helper, whos in bali right now, msged me and asked me to stay happy. I was so touched. She still remembers my birthday aftre all these years. Though I did not receive much wishes, the few that I got really touched me. Really really. Thank u sooo much!

Today in My Life

2009-11-24T23:24:00.000+08:00

Those words you said
Still pierce through my skin
I will never be able to forget
How it still makes me bleed

Blood oozes out
Easing my pain
Close my eyes
Feeling ashamed
A rush of something
I can't explain
Tears streaming down
I look away

Guilt, remorse, pain, relief
Addicted to the cold I feel inside of me
Finally, I see a glimmer of light
Then, with much fury, your words strike

Wearing these scars to remind me
Perfection is something I can never achieve
You can laugh, you can sleep
Your words will always be piercing through me

Today in My Life

2009-11-21T14:50:00.000+08:00

Last night was a complete fiasco. To put it simply, it was a night to honour losers. Sigh. I totally wasted my time.

We had graduation night in school yesterday. We paid $40 fr it though it was to be held in the school hall. I had planned what to wear sme time ago. Brown pants, long sleeved shirt, and a brown blazer. Disaster struck at 3. My mother had sent my brown pants for laundry. Wearing my brown blazer with black pants, or even jeans would make me look like a clown. Emergency measures were put in place. I planned my look. Go emo. All black. It would match my new haircut too! haha.

And so, i spent 30 mins on my fringe alone. I was straightening it using some rebonder. It didnt work at first but when I applied gel on the plates, my fringe gt straightened. My fringe ddunno why always curl up one. My bro;s is straight tho. haha. After 30 mins, sprayed hair spray to keep everything in place. Blow dried my hair to give it a natural look. HAHA. Then got ready. In total I took 2.5 hrs to get ready. Thats alot right? Black shirt, black pants, black socks, black dress shoes, black belt, black cuff, black wallet, black handphone and earphones and black watch. haha. Then I remembered. God, I m gonna sweat like a pig.

And so i arrived in school, met mik and all. Went toilet to check on my fringe. HAHA. Went up to reister at 6 plus. I booked table 7 with my classmates. the rest were in table 2, behind my table. Then i somehow gt pushed to table 8 cuz i was the 11th to book table 7 when there were only 10 seats. LOL. So i was alone at Table 8. Great, I had the whole table to myself. :P But then, Timothy called me to join him at his table together with Akid and Zach. It was great coz I did miss NCC and being with them did help abit. [YES. i typed that, I do miss NCC, but not that much. Really not alot. :P]

The performances were all screwed up. Every item had mistakes and/or technical difficulties. For example, one group had to restart their item on stage like thrice. Even then, what they were doing on stage wasnt clear. Food. Gosh. Though I wasnt expecting much, I thought It should be ok. I mean, we paid $40! Other schools have their Grad Nite in hotels etc with that money! The food was so cold. It was barely edible. But I must say that the prawns were passable. The beef too. The rest.. Sigh. Then, more performances. . I wantted to leave early. Brian was asking if we could go to the cemetery. He was waitong for us outside school coz he din go fr grad nite.

At 10 + we exited school. Met up with brian. ZH went home with his dad. And so we walked towards the cemetery when we realised that it was pitch dark. It would be near impossible to navigate through safely. Moreover, we were dressed so formally. HAHA. So we sat by the road near the cemetery and started frolicking. HAHA, YEs in public. We were screaming, singing, etc. Made a fool out of ourselves AS USUAL. Oh yea. ZH said I looked good once. He also said that Pontianaks wld go after me coz i looked good. HAHA. You knw, its VERY hard to get that out of ZH. I was so flattered. Mik too. HAHA. THx guys. I din feel like i wasted my time after that. Ok. Apart from the usual emo stuff, we had fun. The time we spent fr free outside school was certainly more fun then watching them in the limelight. Sigh. If only I had known, I wldnt have gone.

So brian and I procceded on to Orchard MRT station. It would take only 30 mins fr me to get hme that way instead of 1 hr when i take 154. We were bitching and screaming "i hate that swine" thru orchard. SO COOL! HAHA. Then we realised that the train service towards City Hall had ended. There was only one train left to Jurong East, which would take 51 mins. I would have reached home by then If i had taken the bus. I had no choice. At JE Station, all services had ended. Took a taxi home from there. It cost $7 after midnight charges. It would have cost only like a few cents if i took the train or even a bus from JE. HAHA. And so, I reached home at about 1am. The latest ever if i remember correctly. HAHA.

Us before Graduation Nite

Me at Table 26.

Us outside the cemetery

Mikhail and I frolicking :P

ZH, Chris, Jedd and I at Desa Kartika. Chris treated us for lunch and a movie on his birthday.

Us rating the movie 2012.

ITS OVER!

2009-11-13T18:07:00.000+08:00

Finally. The three tortorous weeks are over. Its been filled with so many ups and downs. I'll deal with them later. HAHA. So lets talk abt today. It has been GREAT! OK. So we had planned to celebrate by going to Old Changi Hospital. We found out that the cemetery that we used to go to was actually one of the most haunted places in Singapore, and possibly in Asia coz Singapore IS the most haunted place in Asia. HAHA. So we wanted to scare ourselves some more on the Friday the 13th (today) after our Chem Paper 1 which ended at 9 am. We also planned to go to mt Pleasant Cemetary, the one we used to go to first. Above that, we had LOTSA other CRAZY plans.

ZH and Brian didnt want to go OCH. My grandmother had also been warded in Mt Elizabeth , in Orchard. And so thats where we went. It was so fun. I went to visit my grandma first, while Mik, ZH, brian, Saiful and Linus went jalan-jalan. Then we went for fri prayers and then ION Orchard. We then moved on to Orchard Central and gt chased by security guards, AGAIN!

Oh yes. This Fri the 13th has been SOOOOOOOOOOOO Unlucky! WE SAW SWINES! URGH!
WHAT AN EYESORE! We were bitching throughut the day la. So fun. Oh ya. Before we went to Mt E, we were at Cineleisure where we saw Samuel, Tze Jin and Wei Liang. They were so bastard-ish la. Samuel always bitch abt wei liang then today so close to him and try to swan me some more. Seriously. I was so pissed with them. We were nit even going to watch a movie, yet, they were so hesitant abt telling me what movie they wanna watch coz they were afraid we'd join them. Oh pls. WHo do they think they are? Then they commented about my adidas shoe. urgh. losers. Then i was like "wei liang, are those the shoes made out of pig skin?" then he was like "ya" and then i replied "oh. Pig skin on a pig." Who do they think they were triffling with?! We really need to get them a giant mirror so that they can look at themselves. Seriously ppl, i thot u were nice. I even ran after u guys to say hi. So disappointing la. Whatever la. Who cares abt them?

Ok. enuf bitching. O lvels overall was great. thats all i have to say la. though there were some screwing-ups, i shld be able to do reasonably well. At least better than swines. SWINES SWINES SWINES! I HATE THOSE SWINES. Oh ya, Today is Kindness Day or something. We received Daisies frm ppl of the streets. So nice of them. But then, all the flowers were more or less destroyed by the time we gt home.. HAHA.

And Guys. THANK U SOOO MUCH FR MY BIRTHDAY LUNCH tho its abit early. Seriously. i was touched. haha. The food was greatt too. We ate at lucky plaza. Some famous Ayam Bakar restaurant. Quite good. Once again, thank u fr the pleasant surprise!

Today in My Life

2009-10-10T22:24:00.001+08:00

This past week has been filled with drama. Heres a brief outline of the drama that has been going on. It all started with Alex Mark apologizing to brian. Then Brian replied," At least your not like Alex Kamsany". Alex M, being Alex K's good friend, told him about it. Angered, AK put up nasty stuff on his MSN display name. Seeing that, I got infruriated and put my facebook status as "ALEX FAT KAMSANY". I have 400 over friends. Kelmond saw this and got angry.

Relations between us and their grp has always been strained. This was the breaking point. The issue got all the way to Ms. Mara, and then to Mr. Sirhan. Alex K apologised, and even shed tears according to Brian. Ms Mara got him to tell those friends of his to stop saying things about us. We thought everything was over when Linus' account got hacked into. We knew who it was. It had to be Kelmond Ang. The person went into Linus' account and went to "Like" all my posts and wrote "I LOVE YOU BABE" on my wall. The person used an iphone. Kelmond has an iphone. We went to Bryan Leong who said he heard Stuart saying Kelmond went in before. We had enough evidence to confront them. (But then, Bryan leong changed it to "It MIGHT have been kelmond" on the day of the confrontation)

And so, i told Kelmond to meet us at the pavillion. i don't know why but wei hao thought I invited him, personally. Kel brought with him AK, AM, Andrew and WH. We had Linus, Mik and brian, tgthr with me. Zh din want to come as he wasnt feeling well. We had justice on our side. And so, I set my voice recorder to record the convo. The day before, brian had printed out evidence against AK, proving that he had said things about us. So the confrontation started and they denied all accusations. AK, who was uninvited, spoke up for them, while I represented my group. Kel admitted to knowing Linus' password, and that he's been in his account before. Thats proof enough. The person used an iphone. Kelmond had an iphone. And the timing. They were very sore about having to apologize to us. It had to be one of them. What AK said was crap. And they had a contradiction in their statements. Kel first said he went into Linus' account "yesterday" which was then changed to 2 months ago in front of Ms Mara, who was later dragged in. They accused us of falsely accusing them. Like we got nothing better to do like that. Oh. And Mrs Tan saw us and came up to us at the pavillion asking us if we wanted to do more papers. =.=

SO the confrontation ended. We went back to HQ (The malay classroom). We were discussing abt them and listening to the recording when Ms Mara barged into the classroom with AK and Kel behind. They seemed triumphant. After hearing only their side of the story, Ms Mara snapped at us. She thought we were falsely accusing them too. I interupted her and told her why we suspect them. Oh and did I mention Kelmond said "Many people who own an iphone know about Linus' password". But he was not "obliged to give names". And he also accused us of being "UN-responsible"outside the library. (Sorry, thinking about them just infruriates me). Digressions aside, Ms Mara started lecturing them abut the severity of their actions. They had nowhere to hide. I played the recording on purpose at full blast rite after they left so that theyd know I was recording. I was rolling my eyes at them. They lost at their own game. Gasp..

And so, our sad stories came to light once again in front of Ms Mara. I told her how hurt I felt. How i was bullied, maligned, accused of being things I am not for the past 2 yrs by their class. really. It had been too much for me to bear, especially after Andrew said that I should leave my "click" (It should be clique. English TDP) so that he wouldnt think that I was that. Haizz. Ms Mara agreed to talk to Andrew for me,, who later apologized. I did not doubt his sincerity at first but now, I am nt too sure. God. This was supposed to be a brief outline. I dont think I'd be covering the drama between me and andrew that happened some time ago, durinhg the prelims. Oh and I just created a new blog. There is a link from here. Named "AA(2)". I should be covering the AA-AA saga there. Its much more personal and I don't want the world knowing about it. SO yea..

O LEVELS IN 16 DAYS. I was supposed to start this week, but screw it, I am starting full-scale mugging on monday. still need time to rest after all thats happened. Oh and I didnt mention the things said on Miks blog using my nickname right? I think its Kelmond too. Kel said hacking was "Just immature". I have thought of that too, Kelmond. HAHA. URGH. THINKING ABOUT THEM JUST MAKES NY BLOOD BOIL!!!

Today in My Life

2009-10-04T17:32:00.000+08:00

Ok. I am going to make my blog open to invited readers only soon. I don't want people reading the stuff I post and using them against me. Some people just know too much. Ok. I don't know who to invite. Maybe no one. Anyway, this is the last year in SJI. I have to make new friends next year. Then, maybe, I'll start inviting.

These few days have been horrible. Its probably the worst period of 2009. It has been filled with just too much tears. Tears I vowed never to shed anymore. I hate it. I hate crying. I hate crying for unwrothy people. I hate realsing how weak I am after crying. I hate myself. I just haate myself.

Fristly, Sec 4 Farewell and Paraliturgy. Pics are up on Facebook. It was ok but seeing 433, I couldnt control my tear glands anymore. Brian started waailing in Mrs Tan's arms. Ms Mara and Mrs Tan then began crying. Seeing that, Zhi Hao also had to search his pockets for tissue. Watching this from a distance, I couldnt help myself too. My class on the other hand was in a rather celebratory mood. I don't know why. ANd so farewell ended on Friday and we dont have to go to school anymore until the Os. But Ms Mos said she wanted to hold Sup lessons. Oh and Mr Sirhan totally rocks! rANDOM.

After that, we proceeded on to Mikhails hse for lunch. He cooked for us. It was good. Much, Much better than expected out of a 16 yr old. Really, I was impressed. We went down to the pool. Ever met anyone who slipped by a pool, twice? I was that dumb. First I was chasing brian round the pool, with Linus' instruction manual for some board game. Brian was the only one who went ito the pool and he was barefooted. I chased him, while linus chased me. I slipped and fell on my elbow. It hurt so much. Then, at sme playground, I provoked Linus and he startd chasing me. The gardener just watered the plants and the ground was wet. Very wet. I knew that and wanted to run towards drier grounds. Sadly, 2 steps away frm drier grounds, I fell, again. Seriously, I am dumb.

Yesterday, we went jalan raya after my cousins ROM thingy. It could have been fun if not for whatever that had happened. Seriously. I cried so much. I know its not something a 16 yr old boy shld do. But I am not 16 yet. Ok. And so, I am alone now. Alone like how i am always destined to be. No more laughther but best yet, no more pain. Its just me, myslf and I. I don;t care about anything right now. Just finishing up whatever I started and then poof. Its back to how I started out in sec 1. Its not that bad. Really.

Today in My Life

2009-09-26T22:38:00.000+08:00

HeY PEOPLE! These few days have been simply amazing. Seriously. So many things made my week one of the best Ive ever had this year. I feel free. Free of pain. Free of mortal troubles. I feel great!

One major contribution to that was my excellent, much-better-than-expected results. Can you believe it? I gave up half way through the prelims after my world collapsed. And straight As. Seriously. I am officially a 6-pointer. Straight As except for one C6. Combined Humanities. I got 5/25 for my SBQ. Overall, I failed SS with 21 marks. My Lit pulled me up to a 54. Got 2 A2s. Mother Tongue and A Maths. Both my maths sucked big time this term. I used to be good at Maths. I mean, i did get an award from Singapore Mathematical Olympiads! =)

Another reason to why Ive been feeling great is Hari Raya. Rayas over but nonetheless, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI! May God bring light into the lives of all those reading this, n those not as well. Wohoo! I invested all my raya money on aa German watch. Original price was $228 but there were great discounts. Seriously. I love it la. Its nice but abit big. My wrist very small one. :P

Oh yea. The Os are nearing. SO what? I am a 6 Pointer. Oh yea Oh yea!! I topped my class for English. Remember, I was in English focus last term? LOL. But i am down for SS Focus Grp this term. Oh and Only 3 ppl in my class gt 6 points. Oh yea. I rock. LOL. See how complacent i can get? Haizz.. I am so screwed for my Os. I really have NO motivation to study. I lost the last of it after whattever that had happened during the Prelims. Ok. I made a promise not to go emo all over again for this post. *Tkes a deep breath*. Oh yea, And did I mention how much I am in love with Leona Lewis' new single, Happy? LOL!

Today in My Life

2009-09-14T22:52:00.000+08:00

School started today. Obviously, I was not looking forward to that. I hate school. I hate studying. Ok. I don't want to keep repeating myself. Haizz. School. Stress. The Os are a mere 42 days away. I remember vaguely that revision plans were well underway when I was this close to the PSLE. Let's not talk about the execution of those plans, but at least I was in a much, much better position than I am now. I "planned" to start with TYS today. But we went to Toa Payoh today and by the time I got home, I was beat.Tomorrow i guess. Hope I don't come up with another excuse for myself. I have to do well for the Os. Its the least I can do for my parents. ( I am not that good son i try to make myself dound like. Really)

We had rehearsal for our Graduation at the PAC today. It went well. I forgot to say Thank You Sir and Mr Sirhan was like "Tak dengar.." haha. (Never Listen). Ok. I had better things to do during the rehearsal. Like turn behind. I think my head was facing the back for a longer period of time than it was facing the front. Brian and Chris were behind me and 433 was sitting according to index no. And so, school ended with us writing a note to our parents. That was supposed to be read by the parents on graduation day itself, while we sing You Raised Me Up. How apt. Parents who are not coming will receive it by post. Urgh. Its going to be so awkward seeing them read even the cliched stuff. I really didn't know what to write but a brainwave soon hit me and I managed a 3/4 page letter. My parents are not coming that day. I don't understand what the big hoo-haa over graduation is all about. Hari Raya's eve is more important. I am going to intercept the mail. I am not letting my parents read that because they deserve more than a letter written half-heartedly.

Leona Lewis is releasing a second album, Echo soon. Although many songs were leaked onto the Internet thanks to compiter hackers, it is believed to be as big a success, if not bigger than her first album, Spirit, which featured the worldwide no. 1 hit song, and my all time fav, Bleeding Love. Her lead single for Echo, titled Happy, has been released and I am so loving it. Seriously, Leona Lewis is simply PHENOMENAL. Thats an understatement itself. Her voice is beyond what mere words can describe. I love her. She is probably the best female singer alive today. Rock on Leona!

Its been quite some time since i plugged in my earpiece and blasted Bleeding Love into my ears. Thats is a good thing as it means I am coping reasonably well with things that are simply too hard to ignore. Life in SJI is coming to an end. The end I have been awaiting for ages. But am I ready to leave? There's simply alot I have to let go to break free. Perfection. Memories. Friendship. These are a few of the most important things in my life right now. I don't think I am ready to start afresh in JC. But I have to. Its going to be so hard. Its already hard smiling and pretending to have forgotten everything in SJI itself. I really don't know what to do. I am going crazy. There's nothing ayone can do. I deserve every bit of the hell I am going through. Every single bit. It is all my fault to begin with. I have to face the consequences. In any case, I came into SJI, wanting to leave. And I know I have to force myself to want to leave. I will not miss SJI. Never will I miss that place. Its just that the great people I have met over these years have left such an impact on me. I don't know how to say it. Haizz.. I guess I should just go to bed right now.

Today in My Life

2009-09-07T21:10:00.000+08:00

Blinding light fills my life
Open my eyes, force a smile
Looking around, everything's alright

No more tears, no more cries
No longer want to die
Never want to say goodbye

Bloody grounds, black skies
Its here I want to live my life
Peace, only here I can find

Silent screams, pleasant pain
Looking at myself with disdain
A world of my own I will continue to paint.

(Open to personal interpretations)_____________________________________________

It has been another horrible day. One made my world perfect. The other was perfect on its own. I have lost them. Both. Forlorn hope. Haizz. My world is collapsing. I don't want it to collapse. But its really draining alot out of me, as i try to support it. i am exhausted. Just a bit more and I am going to collapse.

Today in My Life

2009-09-04T16:54:00.000+08:00

The holidays have started. With the O Levels less than 7 weeks away, the holidays are only for the teachers. But thats not going to stop me from slacking. Thats why i am even writing this. LOL.

On Monday, we we went to see Ms Tan at Queenstown Pri Sch. I was supposed to meet the rest of 6A at Queenstown MRT Station at 4.15pm. I didnt go to school that day. I couldnt. I was excited. Problem no. 1. What should I wear? Its not as if i have LOTS of clothes, but I did want something to suit my super short hair. I even cut my fringe this time. Dont ask me why. I just felt like it. Its just hair right? Ok, since i couldnt decide, i chose the school uniform. Problem no. 2. What should I get Ms Tan? Oh no. I was really at a loss. wWent to NTUC. Saw chocolates on offer. Hmm. Everyone likes chocolates right? HAHA. And so I reached Lakesied MRT Station at like 3.20pm. Quennstown was just 16 mins away! I left too early. So I took the train to Joo Koon back to lakeside then pass Queenstown for Outram Park and back to Queenstown. I alighted at Queenstown exactly at 4.15. The rest were late. VERY VERY late. Gradually, people started straming in. By the time everyone arrived, Ms Tan decided to come to the station itself to meet us. She was in a rush as she had a Teachers' Day Dinner after that. And so, we chatted. It was fun. Bradley was seriously hilarious. He uses his belt to whip people. An act of self defence. HAHA. Ok. I didnt really talk much. I was thinking alot as usual. I dont want to say what about. And so, we left sme time later. They asked me out for dinner at jurong point but I was fasting. Then Bradley, on the train, kept asking me about fasting. He said its been a long time since he spoke to someone from another race. Oh, hes from Hwa Chong. My only regret was not taking pictures with them.

I miss JPS so much. It was so much fun last time. All the people. Really nice people. Games. The mess i got into so often. Haizz... If only we could tun back the clock. I want to relive the times when i was genuinely happy. The times when i was truly carefree. When I didnt know what hypocrisy meant. When i was able to view perfection in my life. Ok. Thats enuf.

Yesterday was seriously DAMN FUN! It was the last day of school. Fridays PTM. So we went to Tanglin CC and talked, danced, screamed, sing and chase each other around. Then we decided to go to Chinese Gardens. In Jurong. Only i live near to Chinese Gardens. ZH had been there before. The rains certainly left an indelible mark on ZHs impression of the place. LOL. So the long journey began. 154 all the way to chinese gardens. I sat beside ZH. I didnt let him sleep. HAHA. Mik and brian fell asleep. It was funny watching how their heads swayed according to the bus.

Finally, we reached Chi Gardens at like 4.40pm. We walked towards the seven storey pagoda. On the way, we saw a monitor lizard. It was fun watching it swim. We were like cheering it on. We wanted it to catch the squirrels. But it got back into the water and swam towards us. We were on a bridge over the water, When it got near, it suddenly burst into an unexpected speed. ANd Brian Huang started shouting. IT WAS HILARIOUS! seriously. And so we went up the pagoda. The view was nice. But it wasnt as windy as I expected it to be. So we went chasing each other round the pagoda. Screaming. We also shouted all of our unhappiness away. That morning was horrible for me. I managed to make myself feel better after screaming. Then pictures. Loads of them. My phone ran outta batt. We also got someone to take a pic of us. God. That day was so fun. Then we went to the Zodiac Garden, We found the rooster and struggled to take a pic wit all of us around it. Brian was like crawling on top of the rooster. HAHA. We finally got a decent picture. I then walkked them to Chinese Gardens MRT Station. I took a train to Lakeside although its just one station away. There, I saw my sis and him. We bought stuff to eat for buka (Break fast) and then walked home. Oh God. I love my friends SO much. What woyld I do without them? Seriously. I would be dead by now.

Today in My Life

2009-08-28T21:36:00.000+08:00

I'll keep this post short. I havent been posting because of the prelims. The 2 week long misery ended today. Ironically, its not the prelims that made me feel miserable. In fact, it made me feel better. Ok. I don't want to narrate what happened on the very first day of the prelims. Just know that my world collapsed that day. I am still living in the debris. My world will remain collapsed. All the hopes of a better tomorrow. My visions. My life. Gone. The truth hasnt sunken in yet. I am not letting it. I still want to live. I still want to be with my family, friends. I can't let this affect me. I am not being hypocritical when I laugh. I am just deluding myself. Consciously. I know what I am doing. I am still mentally sound. I would like to apologize to those who i might have hurt through this ordeal. I know what i am doing. No one has to worry for me. I want to think these things never happened. I believe I can do it.

Firstly, Fasting has begun! Selamat berpuasa! Although its abit late. I wanted to do a post on fasting. I am scrappping that. Just a few lines yea. Fasting. The act of abstaining from food and drinks from sunrise to sunset. The act of trying to achieve purity. To understand hunger. To be disciplined. One of the five pillars of Islam. Learn about it. Its really amazing how everything seems to be for a deeper meaning.

Secondly, the prelims. The prelims were fine. Much better than last term. I think I can go above 70% again this term. Fortunately. After those things. Similar things happened in term 2 too. And what happened? My percentage plunged an amazing, unprecedented 11%. I was aiming for like 75 - 76% this term. But I'll be happy with an above 70%.

Thirdly, today. The last paper. Physics paper 1. A 1 hour paper. At 9, we were finally free. Yay! We then went to Vivo City without Brian and bought Teachers Day gifts for 433. We also watched The Proposal. Good movie. Really hilarious. But ending was abit cliche and predictable. Quite worth it although the experience would be probably just as good if you catch it on TV. Ok. Thats it for now. In the next post, I'l include something I wrote during the prelims. Together with the explanation of what I intend to express. Catch ya later.

Trapped.

2009-08-11T22:41:00.000+08:00

Menacing laughter
Piercing gaze
Forbidding clouds
Venomous rain

Fire sweeping
Through broken pieces
Winds blowing
But never forgotten

Abandoned memories
Or so you think
It is those thoughts
That have been haunting me

Falling leaves
Barren trees
Blazing sun
Void heart

Howling winds
Reminiscing
Toxic smoke
I'm suffocating

Today in My Life

2009-08-06T22:39:00.000+08:00

Set aside 2 days for slacking but i am taking 6. I am going into full exam mode this Saturday. That should be enough right? Besides, who cares about the prelims? Its the O lvels that I am more worried about. It makes sense doesn't it? Its not as if the prelims are going to decide my future. Who cares about prelims? screw it. HAHA.

These few days have seen my mood swing from one end to the other in just a matter of hours. Haizz.. Thats what happens when you do nothing but think. Think about all the things that you are going through. Think so much that you begin to find more cons than pros. More negative than positive. More pessimism than optimsm. If only I were able to just live my life without thinking. As if I were dead. Numb to everything going around outside and inseide. That would be perfect, wouldn't it?

The workload from school has increased at least two folds this week. Teachers are printing worksheets and hurling them at us as if we were hungry for more. How thoughtful of them. Little do they know that many of us havent finished the papers and at the speed they are going, I don;t think I'd be able to. They really think that we only have homework for that subject they teach and forget that other subjects also have us working. Its only the O levels. Its no big deal. The world is HIUGE. If not the Os, there will be something else I can go into. Its not as if the Os determine everything, as much as it is perceived so by many.

Today, I met Ms Mosbergen after school to ask her about Literature. Its been years since I got an A1 for Lit. I cant afford another slip up. She was nice enough to clear my doubts. I have the points and evidences. But its the explanation part thats pulling me down. She said my Lit essays are too mechanical. I think she meant that there was a very clear format of Point, Evidence and Link back to the question for every paragraph. The essay lacks flow. Haizz. I hope I have enough time to improve on my flow. My sciences are also screwed. I don't know anything about CROs for physics and Molecular Genetics for Bio. Chemistry, the subject that I suck in, seems to be the one I can score highest in for now. I need help. A Maths. Integration. Not too strong either. SS- another subject I nevre do well in. English- Im down for focus revision. That should be enough to show where i stand.

National Day is comig. YAY. Mondays a holiday. Wohoo. So many people are going to use the long holiday to mug. I really wonder how they do it. Mugging really makes me feel like some machine. As if I am not human. It is good as it takes my mind off certain things but what mugging replaces it with is just as depressing. I hate mugging. No one likes mugging. So why do we mug? Competition. Hypocrisy. Schemes and Plans. Glory. Haizz. I dont need all of that. I just want to be myself. Be Me. I AM ME!

Don't do this. It pains me you know. But you'll just swim away, leaving me to bear it all slone. as if I weren't alone enough. The delusions. Illusions. Fading away. Perfection was never there. Thats a fact I cant accept. Vehement denials. Baseless accusations. Feigning ignorance. Im going crazy.

"They try to pull me away.
But they don't know the truth.
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing.
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding..."

Today in My Life

2009-08-01T21:06:00.000+08:00

Its the first of August. Exams are a mere 16 days away. What I have done to prepare for the prelims amount to nothing. Yes. Nothing. 16 days is alot right? I mean, its 2 weeks and 2 days away. I still have time. 2 extra days of slacking and then full exam mode. I havent switched to that mode for quite some time already. Years. I am not exactly mentally prepared for that yet. Thats what the 2 extra days will be used for. See. See all the excuses I have made up for myself so that I can slack? Haizz.

These few weeks have been such a rollercoaster ride for me. It all started 2 weeks ago. I missed my stop and had to drop at CJC and take a bus back. It was so fated. So fated it literally took my breath away. I wanted more. That was it. There were times when destiny was playing pranks on me. As if it wanted to see me cry. Break down. Was it that funny? Why must all this happen? Why? Seeing me storm into claa, throwing my bag onto the table. I am not going to cry. I am never going to cry again. Never. And, I can vent it all now. No more laughing cos I have to. I don'y know if I should look forward to mornings anymore. It has become the highlight of everyday now.

Ok. National Day is coming. yay! I miss the times in sec 2 where the 4 of us would sing national day songs in class specifically lit lessons. Yes, Mr Moks lessons. It was so fun. But its not as if the singing has stopped. Its just that I have no one to sing with me mow. All of them are jealous of me. So jealous, they try to stop me in case I get to release my own record or smthn. No, Thats not goiing to stop me. HAHAHA. Jk Jk.

Hell in SJI is ending. The time I have been waiting for for years is nearing. The time for me to start afresh. All that torment. Torture. Since 2006. Sec 1. The darkest year of my life. Everythings been going downhill since sec 1. However, I have found 3 great friends that I don't want to lose. :) Thats the only good thing that has come out of SJI. And THAT too of course, although im not sure if it should be listed at the other end of the spectrum.

Lady GaGa rocks. Im so going gaga oover her. She has knocked Britney off my top 4 favourite artistes list. Shes about to knock Rihanna off too. Gaga has totally rocked the whole world. Call it the Gaga sensation. Shes in a class of her own. One thing I like most about her: Shes she. She is just being herself. No facades. Just the way she wants to be as reflected by her lyrics of her songs and the costumes she wears. Its just her. So GaGa. Continue rocking the world. Continue rocking my world. Ok, this whole paragraph was random. HAHA.

Today in My Life

2009-07-17T20:26:00.001+08:00

SJI 157th Anniversary Parade. The emcees were Brian and me. Guest of Honour, Minister for National Development Mah Bow Tan.One of the most important events in the school calendar. Parents weren't allowed due to health concerns. So its up to us. We are so important that our absence would screw the whole parade up. We had alot of expectations to live up to.

And so, I started. It was horrible. There were glitches at the beginning itself. The whole parade was screwed. Many a time, I thought the mic was on and started speaking. Then I thought it was off and stopped to check only to realise that it was on and everyone had heard me repeating it all over again. I even said Minis Mah instead of Minister Mah once. LOL. My rehearsals were much, much better. But who cares? Its all over! We have officially stepped down. Me, as a 2nd sergeant. Not too bad a rank. Finally. We have stepped down. Its not that I hate NCC. I just hate the people there.

After AP, we went to Fork and Spoon at Toa Payoh for dinner. Brian didnt come. He ran off claiming he needed the toilet. Urgh. I was so disappointed in him. But its all ok now. I guess.

Other significant events include watching Harry Potter and the Half- Blood Prince at Causeway Point with zh on the day it opened. It was so last minute. It was a laast minute decision that we took to watch it. Where we watch it was also decided in barely a minute when the train stooped at Woodlands. LOL. We got the very first row. The whole theatre was booked. First row. Right at the end. A good thing? Huge leg room. But the movie was SUPERB. I love it. Its really the best Harry Potter. I never read the books. Those who read said the book was better but still. Ok, I am not going to spoil the movie for you guys by telling the story here. Go catch it. Its worth it.

Today, we wanted to watch Duplicity starring Julia Roberts at Orchard. We reached there and then decided not to watch any movie. I wanted to watch Harry again, but Mikahil didnt want to. So we had talk cock sessions at Long John Silvers. Then we wanted to go somewhere quiter. Brian decided to abandon us again. We went to Esplanade. It was hilarious.Zh bought a bottle of 100 plus. None of us could open it. So I went with ZH to change. We thought the old shop keeper couldnt help us. I mean, he is old. I was ike "Uncle, this one cannot open. Can change anot?". He didnt seem to understand what i said. ZH translated what i said in chinese. He snatched the bottle, gave it a little twist and the sound of gas ecaping was heard. Zh and I were so shocked. We were speechless. The uncle wasnt happy. He gave the bottle back to us and we burst out into laughter. HAHA. I am so lucky to have Mikhail, Zhi Hao and Brian around me. If not for them, I would have ended up in Woodbridge or something by now. I wana use this opportunity to thank them and tell them that I love them so much. (Platonic ah) I also would like to apologize if I had ever offended you guys. It was never my intention to hurt you, be it through my jokes or when i am really frustratd.

Ok. Pictures for Sabah are up on Photobucket. There are just too many pictures for me to create a slideshow. Sorry. I'll post the link here.

http://s232.photobucket.com/albums/ee313/ashraff62646582/Kota%20Kinabalu%2026%20June%20-%2028%20June/

Pics from AP and today:

Brian, me and Andrew at the podium

Random pics in the dark

Formal Pic

Us at Esplanade

View from Orcahrd Cineleisure

Resting at Orchard

ZH and I at Cathay, Causway Pt

Outside the cinema hall

ZH at Fork And Spoon

Mik and Zh at F&S

Me with me huge peak cap

Brain and I

Just for fun, LOL

Random

Today in My Life

2009-07-08T20:55:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's AP rehearsal. I am excited. I am the emcee, together with Brian. The Guest of Honour, Mr Mah Bow Tan.

Haizz.. HELP ME! I was just trying to help. Really. Why won't you understand? Why won't you let me help? We really want the best for you. Really.

Something I wrote in class. Just thought I would share it here. The pictures for Sabah are not ready yet. Hold on yea. Enjoy. ( Yea, I know. One of the lines is from a song. But I thought it was meaningful)

I couldn't write anymore
Its you that fill my thoughts
The pain I feel, the dilemma I face
Is it so hard to want to be safe?

Roses have thorns they say
Night comes after day
Am I blind? Am I dead?
The darkness won't go away

Shedding blood instead of tears
Impossible to evade my fears
The perfection I saw in your eyes
Collapsing upon me are the skies

How long more? Will this end?
Too many questions at hand
Stand up again, I don't know if I can
In the past, I shall remain

Today in My Life

2009-07-05T15:14:00.000+08:00

Well, the first week of school has ended. This means I only have 6 weeks for revision. 6 weeks is alot. I have to make full use of it still. Ok, this post is going to be about my trip to Kota Kinabalu last month.

So we reached Kota Kinabalu airport at about 12 pm. The person who picked us up told us about the places we can visit there. We soon reached our hotel. Beverly Hotel. A 4-star one.I had read reviews about it online. Most people gave it a 7/10 rating. That wasn't too bad. We checked into our rooms. My siblings and I got a separate room from my parents. And so, we took a break in the rooms for a while. The news reports on Michael Jackson's death kept us company. Then, it was time for lunch. Lunch was not included in the package. We went out of the hotel to look for a restaurant. We went to some shopping centre where we ate at some Kopitiam-styled restaurant. The food was abit different from the normal malaysian food. I had some Nasi Goreng Andaman. It was good. I enjoyed it. Food is usually the best part of any tour. HAHA. Then, we walked around the shopping centre. We saw some donut stall and bought donuts. My brother also bought some Crunchy Popiah. It didn't look too appetisizing for me. HAHA. And so, we walked around the district. There was a choked drain nearby, causing the whole place to stink. I was grumbling all the way back to the hotel.

We then booked a tour to Mt Kinabalu, the highest peak in SEA for the next day. I was excited. For dinner, I had some herbal Nasi Goreng with spicy sambal prawns. It was excellent. We had dinner in the restaurant itself. I totally loved it. But there was something more I was looking forward to. Breakfast the next morning. Buffet. We were like the first to reach the restaurant as we woke up early for the tour. We had the restaurant to ourselves. HAHA. But the variety there was just like any other hotel restaurant. The usual stuff. Eggs, brad, cakes etc. And yes, Nasi Lemak with Chicken Curry. And so, after that, we got into aa van and were off to Mt Kinabalu, Kinabalu Park and Poring Hot Springs.

The drive was long. I took the chance to catch up on lost sleep. When I woke up, I was greeted by vast mountain ranges. It was majestic. But the best part wasnt there yet. After another 20 mins or so, we reached it. We were about 1500m above sea level. We had a picturesque view of Mt Kinabalu. The chilling winds togther with the heat of the morning sun made everything "pleasurable". We sqqueezed past tourists to get decent pics of the mountain. Satsified, it was time for souveniers. My mother bargained at least RM 300 worth of stuff to a mere RM 100. The shop keeper was pissed. HAHA. My mother then took a picture with her. LOL. After that, we wre off to drop two ladies off at some HQ as they were going to climb the mountain. Then, we were off to Poring Hot Springs. 39 km away. It wasnt as good as the ones they show on Japan Hour. But there were other things to do there. We decided to go fro the Canopy Tree Top Walk. It was scary but fun. Poor maintanence caused the bridge to be dangerously shaky. Nonetheless, we finished it. We then decided to go see the largets flwer in the world.

We wree lucky to have landed in Sabah on the 2nd day of the one week blooming season of the Rafflesia. We were charged RM 20 per person. Hearing that, my bro and sis backed out. They were like "Who wants to pay to see the dirty flower?" It was smelly after all. Ok, so we walked on makeshift bamboo bridges to reach it. We felt it was worth RM 20. Quickly took pictures and we were off for lunch. By then, we were exhausted. We dropped off at some Chinese Restaurant. Not exactly what I was expecting. I wasnt feeling good too. We didn't eat much. My bro and I soon went out to experince the chill. after lunch, we were off to the Kinabalu Botanic Gardens. By then., the fog had began to settle. We saw the worlds smallest orchirds and lotsa other types of orchirds. It was more of an educational tour. But still fun. Our guide was good. Urgh. I forgot her name. HAHA.

That was the end of the one day tour. We reached the hotel at about 5.15 pm. Off to the rooms to rest. Then dinner. I had Nasi Goreng Istimewa with Chicken Satay and chicken wing. I just realised that I ate alot of Nasi Goreng hor. LOL. It was DELICIOUS. The cafe in the hotel served one of the best hotel foods I have ever eaten. The next day was my Sis' birthday and we ordered a banana split for her. HAHA. And so, the last night was over. The next morning, we were bound for Singapore.

Breakfast was good that Sunday morning. They had Nasi Goreng (Which i took again) and pancakes together with alot of other stuff. I decided to eat my fill. It was the last breakfast after all. All good things have to come to an end. I just hoped there would be a delay in the flight such that I did not have to go back to school the next day. Can you believe it? Its back to school the nex day! URGH! And soon, we were at where it all began. The airport. I was wearing the cap i bought and my jacket. I probably looked suspicious and had to be checked by the authorities. It was embarrasiing. My mother also got checked. HAHA. Then, minutes before boarding, my mothers shoe broke. She had to go down to some Nike store to get a pair of flip flops for the flight. Her spare shoe was in the luggage. HAHA. It sort of lifted our moods. The plane left on time. We also reached Singapore exactly at 2.10 pm, as predicted by the pilot. This time, I didnt get the window seat. Some fat guy sat beside me. Urgh. So, that was the end of my trip to Sabah. It was indeed a very memorable one. I still miss the hotel food. And less than 24 hours since I touched down, I found myself in school. It was depressing. Haizz.. No time to even emo after a trip. ( I always miss the place I go to if I like it) Back to school. Messy tables welcoming me back home. New time table. Prelims revision. At least I am recharged eh?

(Pics are not ready. Will be up soon.)

Off to Kota Kinabalu

2009-06-26T07:30:00.000+08:00

Hey. In Changi T2 now. Just had a Happy Meal at Macs. Lol! Got the free toy and Im excited! We reached the airport quite early. We still have an hour or so before we board the flight.

I am so tired right now. I slept barely 3 hours last night. I couldn't sleep. Something realy bad happened yesterday. We had a crisis-meeting online last night but i left the meeting early. I couldnt stay on. Ok, i better stop writing about this before i break down.

I just hope that everything will be alright by the time I reach singapore again. To all my freinds, take care. Why am I begining to sound like I am leaving this world? Ok. In case I do, just know that I love all of you guys! Whether we are in contact or not.

I am actually quite excited for this trip. I am so going to take many pictures. But my mood has been severly affected by wat happened yesterday. I easily get pissed. So many disasters were avoided this morning thanks to my dad. He knew tt i wasnt in the best of moods and made way for me. Still, it really isnt working. But I appreciate it. I am in a rush right now. I only have like 10 mins to finish this post. 3 mins left.

KK. I guess thats all. Oh yes. I wearing my new pair of brown Nike AIR. Haha. Random. I love it la. LOL. Ok. Anyway, take care!

Today in My Life

2009-06-23T13:36:00.000+08:00

Its confirmed. I'll be fliying off to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia this Friday. Till Sunday. And the next day, school officially reopens. Great. Excellent. Its just so annoying. I hate school. And my parents, they booked the tickets so late that there were no other flights left. It was supposed to be a 4- Day trip. But the flights in Thursday has been fully booked. Anyway, I just hope I'll be able to have fun there. I am kind of excited. Expecially to see Mt. Kinabalu. And some parks there. haha.

Last weekend, I went to JB. We were at the Lawyer's office. I was reading the Malaysian English Papers, The Star. I am really disappointed in Malaysia. The MP of Johor Bahru could comment that "Singapore in known to be calculative". Dr Mahathir was also sacrstically saying that MM Lee was teaching Malaysia how to do politics. Urgh. What have we ever done to offend them? We helped out alot during tsunami relief. We are willing to share our technologies with them, like sewage treatment. And they say we are calculative. Whatever lah. All Malaysia does is put Singapore down. Instead of focussing on their own development. Anyway, we don't have a guilty conscience. So lets just smile and wish them luck eh? LOL.
( I have pictures of that article, which I might post some time soon)

Yesterday, (and today) I had Maths supplementary lessons. It went well. After that, I met up with Mik and Zh to do some physics. But we werent in the mood to do work. So, we decided to go to Orchard. Mr Lim also joined us for lunch at KFC. HAha. That was my first time ever, having a meal with a teacher. We also got Brian a book(comic) for his birthday yesterday. I totally made a fool out of myself at KFC. I couldnt control my laughther and so started sipping on the coke to help me. Then, i sprayed everything out of my mouth, onto the tray, as I burst out laughing again. Why was I laughing? Can't say here. Or he might just slaughther me. HAHA. Ok, then we went to Raffles City to meet up with Brian. We gave him his present. After that, ZH suggested we go to Chinatown. SOmewhere more traditional. Less modern. HAHA. The place was so smelly ah. LOL. We walked around OG. Then walked into People's Park Centre. And then to Chinatown Point. We were just walking and walking. It would have been fun if THAT didnt happen. After that, we headed home. HAHA. We really have nothing better to do. Anyway, the pictures I promised in the last post are ready.

Thats all for this post. I guess I'll post one more time before I leave. Maybe at the airport or something. Till then, have fun!

Today in My Life

2009-06-12T22:40:00.001+08:00

I didn't really do anything today. In fact, I havent een doing much since the supplementary lessons ended. The holidays are so boring. Haizz.. If only teenage life in Singapore could be more colourful. Leaving studies out, not as un-important, but as a secondary measure to help one develop. The "kiasu" mentality of Singaporeans is really getting on my nerves. Its funny that I said that. I can be kiasu at times. Haha.

Yesterday, I went over to my Aunt's house. She had just returned from her trip to Hawaii. I went to play with her 1 and a half year old child. And she vomitted on me. On one of my favourite shirts. Urgh. All that milk she just had. And she laughed at me after I came out from the washroom. I was so embarrassed. Haha. We might be going off to Malaysia for a short holiday too. But nothings confirmed yet.

Childhood is such a fun thing. I wish I could remain a child forever. Under the watchful eyes of my parents. Innocent hearts. Playful minds. I miss the times when I was in kindergarten. Though I don't remember alot from those times, I knew I never had anything to worry about. Aove all that, I was happy. Growing up exposes you to all the flaws of the adult world. The harsh truth that happiness is just so elusive. The fact that those faces are just masks hiding a crying soul. The reality that no one can really do anything about this. Everything is going haywire. This is not how life is supposed to be.

We have only ourselves to blame. Times have changed. The world is much smaller now. Services at our fingertips. The world is at our doorstep. This sounds great. We all should be happy. What more do we need? We are not hungry. All the basics for survival is here. Whats wrong? Why is unhappiness everywhere? What are we supposed to be doing, but are not? Find the answer to that, find the missing jigsaw piece to happiness.

The world is no longer just black and white. The grey areas are just hard to accept. I don't want to be alone. No one wants to be alone. We all have that special someone who promises to catch us when we fall. That someone who misses us in our absence. That someone that will be there for you, no matter what. But is that enough? Does that give one happiness?

How can you be happy? There is just too much unhappiness around. Those bomb blasts. Poverty. Malaria. Human Traficking etc.Shouldn't we do something about this? How can we be happy casting these problems aside just because they don't affest us directly? If you can be happy like this, you are no better than an animal. In fact, even some animals want the best for their kinds. What can we do? I'll give an honest answer. I truly don't know. What can we do? Are we beyond salvation? O God. Help us.

[I promised pictures in the last post. But my memory card's dead. 'll try to revive it. The pictures should be up in the next post]

Today in My Life

2009-06-04T20:58:00.000+08:00

Woah. My blog has lasted for 1 and a half years already. The longest so far. Today was a great day. I was emoing in the morning. Its the 4th of June. Its been 1 year since I've been in Beijing. A year ago, at this time (9pm) I should be in the flight from TianJin airport to Beijing International Airport after the delays. Then, we would have pizza for dinner at Dong Fang Hotel. Haizz... Those times.. I still miss the Portugese egg tarts I had at KFC in Beijing.

Today was great because tomorrow's the last day of the supplementary lessons that have drained me. Totally. And what better way to recharge than watch a movie with 3 great friends? We watched Hannah Montana. It opened today. They featured Taylor Swift!! And the cat fight with Tyra Banks was simply hilarious!! The songs were great too! There was also a scene whereby Miley had to move from her meeting with the Mayor to go for her date. That one was very well taken too! I was laughing like crazy in the theatre. Pictures would be up soon!

Urgh. I really can't wait for tomorrow to end. Then, finally. The holidays. I can't wait. But its not going to e like any other long holiday. This is the first time that my hols are going to be filled with mugging. Haizz. Stupid MYES. And the Maths paper next term is going to be so hard. Set by JI. According to him, some Maths teachers did not know how to do some of the questions there.How motivating.

Sorry for the short post, I am rushing through this post as I chat with 3 people. I so wanna watch The Ultimatum. It really rocks! How often do you get flashbacks within a flashback? haha. I also love Red Thread. So drama. I loike. ;P haha. KK. Im off ler. Have Fun!

Today in My Life

2009-05-25T15:59:00.000+08:00

This has to me the worse day of the year. The MYE results were released today. The biggest drop in marks were seen today. The drop was expected but not my average plummeting an amazing 11%. Other big crashes include Physics (93>>58),Geography (88>>69),AMaths (94>>61)and E Maths (83>>67). This is remarkable considering how much I boast about never getting below an A1 for full Geography. Disastorous subjects: English- 56!! But there were sunjects that exceeded expectations. I got 68 for combined sciences when I got 52 last term. And Chemistry, I got an A1 when I expected a B3. That still doesnt give me reason to rejoice for this MYEs has left an indelible mark on my reputation.

Enough about exams. Its realy getting warm these days. Im drinking lotsa water too! :) haha.And yea,today, I saw Faiz on the bus. It felt good to see an old pal. Sadly, friendship never lasts. And it is expected that a simple factor, time, can easily separate friends. Haizz. Anyway, regarding my last post. Everything has been more or less sorted out already. A trip to Macs helped. We also went to the cemetery again, this time, with ZH. It was kinda fun until we saw an open tomb filled with water. Im still not sure if it was a tomb. It could be a choked drain. Then we decided to turn back, and I reluctantly followed.

Heres a poem I wrote inspired by Viva La Vida- Coldplay and things that are going on.

I reigned supreme
Worshipped as the Lord, the God
The throne rightfully mine
Minsters at my beck and call

Never knew what life could bring
Couldn't be bothered to think
I had none to blame except my stupidity
For I took that drink

I fell asleep for a long long time
Sleeping, dreaming, thinking all will be fine
Eventually, after opening my eyes
I could finally see the world around my life

I was no longer where I was supposed to be
I was down on the streets
People looking, people laughing
I was plunged into the eternal abyss.

This is my fate, or so I thought
I knew I had to move
To toil for the first time
Pick up tools
So that I could teach those arrogant fools

I'll reign supreme
I know I will
For the throne's rightfully mine
Its not going to end
No its not
Until I become king again

Today in My Life

2009-05-16T13:44:00.000+08:00

The MYEs have just ended. It was a long and torturous 2 weeks. Finally, its over. I know I am supposed to continue with the story and post up the pictures. We also went to the cemetery for a second time. But now, all these mean nothing to me. Nothing.

Friends come and friends go. Thats what i believed in. It was you that proved me wrong, or so I thought. I was right after all. Just like there are no such things as true heroes, theres no such thing as true friendship.

"If I really thought so little of our friendship.. I wouldnt be wanting your trust.."
"I want both of us to enjoy this time together and have wonderful memories.."
"You'll always be a close friend to me.."
"Have faith.."
"I really want this close friendship.."
"I cherish our friendship.."
"Friends come and stay forever in our hearts.."

And now,you say:
" I didnt get the perfect friendship that I wanted."
"I already lost trust in everyone.."
"I am not sure if this is the friendship that I always wanted.."

How disgusting.

"Remember: We're behind you every step of the way, through thick and thin.."

And now, you say you want to leave. To go for a "short trip". Alone. Without friends. Great. Enjoy your trip guys. I am really grateful to you guys for waking me up. No one is to be trusted. No one is worthy of complete trust. And even if you come back, the damage has been done. Nothing is going to help heal it.

And this song shows exactly how I feel now:

My Happy Ending- Avril Lavigne

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

...

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

Today in My Life

2009-04-18T20:47:00.000+08:00

These few days have been simply exhilarating. Firstly, the English Oral Examination. It was quite hard but I managed to pull through. And Mr Mok, he wasn't as bad as I expected him to be. In fact, I thought he was quite lenient!

Fast forward to Friday (Yesterday). I was simply excited. It was the day I was waiting for the whole week. We had training that day. I was in my No.1 again. I always forget to take a picture of me in No.1. I mean, it is quite a privilege to be able to wear it although all the Sec 4s were wearing it too. We had phototaking and I was standing right in the middle of the 1st row. In front of me were seats for teachers and ex-co members. Phototaking was one thing I was excited for. But that wasnt the only thing. I was also auditioning for the emcee position that day. I was going to ask Mr Mok about my promotion. Above all that, we were going to the chinese cemetery near school after training.

The auditions were great. All 3 who auditioned got in as they needed 3 people. -.- I also asked Mr Mok about my promotion. I wasn't promoted and I was wondering why. I felt so depressed at that time. I thought I didnt deserve it at first. But I didnt do anything that would deprive me of a promotion. This line was at the top of the script I had prepared for the whole week. Mr Mok didnt seem convinced. In fact, he went rattling on about why I didnt get promoted despite not screwing up. I had mpre arguments up my sleeves. It was quite successful to an extent. Thankfully, I only forgot the not so important parts of the script. I ended of with my plans that I wish to implement for the Part As. I made myself sound very confident and as if Mr Mok was in the wrong. IT totally worked.

Mr Moks main argument was my attendance wasn't that good last year. BUT, he was like:

Mr Mok:"How was your attendence last year?"
Me: "It was ok. definitely above 75%"

And I totally regretted saying that. He used it against me. He was also like "I don't think you are ready to handle the tasks of a 2SGT" Haiz. His reasons couldnt match mine. The outcome: "I am holding back your promotion but I don't intend to let you pass out as a third sergeant." Ok lah. Can accept lah.

The highlight of the Month: Visit to the Chinese Cemetery.

Training ended reasonably on time and soon, we were seen lugging our bags with No.1s and N0.4s up the steep stairway to the cemetery. Our plan: Watch the sunset. Take pictures to scrutinize later. Sit and talk about things. And make our way through the forest without a torch. Should we get lost, we wanted our disppearances to be a mystery. Mik was leading me and Brian up the stairs. We reached the top and stopped. No one wanted to take the lead. Tombs could already be seen even before we entered the foresty areas.

I felt forced to enter the cemetery. The path was kinda eerie. Lingess found out about our plans and said he saw "things" during a prefects camp there. That kinda made me more curious. And so, we entered. Greeted by tombs. The place was very packed. It was difficult to walk without going over part of them.

Be sure to come back for the continuation and pictures taken. And those reading this who are in direct contact with any of my immediate family members, I would like to ask that you do not mention this in front of them. Thanks. Just know that I am still alive and more or less, not possessed. =)

To be continued...

Today in My Life

2009-04-08T21:28:00.000+08:00

I am such a jerk. I despise myself for that. I was emo-ing throughout the whole day today. I was just so tired. So confused. I drank an over dosage of cough syrup in the morning, which led to me sleeping in class. I was just being stretched today. If not for the fact that I couldn't really talk, I swear I would have screamed/slapped at least 4 people today. They simply made me feel worse, as if I wasn't already feeling horrile.

No matter what, I feel that I was wrong to have given so many people an attitude. I apologize if you have been offended by my behaviour today. Aww.. my throat is killing me! Fortunately, tomorrow is the last day of the week, for its Good Friday, this Friday. And yes, we don't have training this week. HOORAY!

But someone did make my day today. I was on the bus, sleeping when all of a sudden, I felt someone tap my shoulder as if to wake me up. It was the Bus Captain and he signalled to the lady behind me to ask me something. There were only 4 people on the bus and it was only at Clementi MRT Station. I was only half way through my journey home from school. "Did you miss your stop?" She asked. "No, I am alighthing in Jurong, near Lakeside" I said. She translated that into Mandrin so that the bus captain could understand. "Oh, he was just wondering why you were on the bus for so long and thought you missed your stop since you were asleep" she said. I smiled at her. That was really very considerate of the bus captain, and I was really happy with the way he treated passengers despite the language barrier. However, I must admit that 154 does have its fair share of really horrible drivers.

Today, after chemistry, Mr Tang actually came up to me to ask if I was feeling alright. My head was on the table as usual as the bell had just rung. He asked me if there was anything wrong and told me that I could go to him for help. That was very unexpected. I never thought any teacher would even notice that I was in class, unless I participated. He also said I looked very grouchy. I am seriously touched. I didn't know that teachers there do actually care. Some of them, that is. Anyway, thank you, Mr Tang.

I feel like a pig now. All I did was to eat and sleep throughout this day. Its 9.40 pm now. I woke up only like 1.5 hrs ago. And I am supposed to be asleep by 10-11pm. Haiz. I think I am going to drink the cough syrup again. Just not so much this time. And yes, the Malay Cultural Society has scored a Silver in the SYF Traditional Malay Dance Competition. I would like to congratulate them, although I thought their performance was deserving of a Gold. Anyway, this was their first time entering the SYF, and Silver's not too bad.

Anniversary Parade (AP) is coming in July anbd thats when the Sec 4s step down. for good. Brian and I have decided to audition for the emcee post for the parade. And if we are successful, we'd actually have more control over the parade itself than the parade commandants. And thats great, considering that I wasn't even shortlisted to march in it. However, we have no experience. I just hope that that does not pull us down. I wou;d really like to make my mark before I leave for good so that NCC Air's impression of me might just change. And yes, guess who's taking me for English Orla Exam on Monday? Mr Mok Hsu Pan. I am so screwed. There goes my oral.Haiz. How depressing.

Today in My Life

2009-03-27T14:51:00.001+08:00

The first week of Term 2 has ended. Finally. The first three days were so hectic. With datelines to meet and so little time, I had to rush through everything. Today is E-Learning Day. As the name itself suggests, we learn online. We need not come to school. For me, I had Biology, E Maths, English and Social Studies homework sent through LEAD.com.sg. I have finished them already. Actualluy, E-learning is not too bad an idea. I realised that it is fun studying with music playing in the background! LOL.

Yesterday was enrichment day, where normal curriculum would be suspended to make way for excursions. For the SEc 4s, we had a wide variety of places to choose from. But only a certain number of students from each class can be admitted into a particular trip. As for me, I chose the one to the Land Transport Gallery and Intelligent Transport Systems Centre. I thought this was a very boring place to go. In fact, there were many options open to me like the trip to Kusu Islands and to the Aquaculture Centre as I was able to pull strings. But I decided to go with Brian to the LTG.

The LTG, near KK hospital, was very interactive. Yes, I didn't believe it at first too. It was a very hi-tech place. Walls were able to digitally display MRTs arriving. Then, the wall opened as if it was the MRT doors. It was damn cool. The whole place was fitted with such exhibits. The guide was a bit boring. It was very obvious that she had memorised the whole 'speech'. At one point, she was only talking to herself. No one was listening. I felt so bad and decided to listen to her. Soon, a few more joined me.

Next, we went to the ITS centre, near River Valley. We had a talk there on the things that they do. The talk ended and the speaker pressed some button. Then, another wall began to open, revealling a gigantic glass panel. We looked through it and below us were people facing computer screens. It was like some sci-fi movie. I was totally amazed.

Anyway, we also had our fair share of fun. Again, we were doing wacky things and laughing non-stop. LOL.

We also had trainig uesterday. I was emo-ing at the begining of the training. But got oever it soon. I knocked down my part like 3 times. I felt so bad after that. But it wasn't for long and they din do any push up thanks to me. The Part As were quite bad in their drills yesterday. I don't know why. They were never this bad. Maybe, it is because we don't really have any competent I/C. Tim is good but he is too soft to even hear.LOL.

Then, we had the AAR for company camp. This time, I think I made a good impression. But as usual, it wouldn't last long. AARH! I have been doing alot for my part but yet, I am not promoted. Not even to a 2nd SGT. Haizz.. I just detest the people in my CCA. During training yeaterday, there were so many extras. They either put pressure on me or find faults in whatever I do even if they'd sound stupid. As mentioned, I was emo-ing and openly showed my displeasure upon thier arrivals. Fortunately for them, they did not really triffle with me or I swear I would haave shouted at them.

Now, I am going to listen to Taylor Swift to cool myself down. Catch ya later!

Today in My Life

2009-03-18T15:23:00.000+08:00

It seriously has been a long time. It already is a Wednesday. The one week holiday isgoing to zoom past, again. Last term was great. I did reasonably well overall. My L1R5 was like an amazing 7. My percentage was 77.0%, my personal best so far.I would be like the highest in 433 with this percentage. I am 4th in class. Except for a few subjests( like social studies, which I miraculously passed by 2 marks) I think did quite well. Good job, Ashraff. LOL!

On Mondy, I went out with Brian Huang and Bryan David (Yes, Bryan David, CSM of NCC Land) to watch the movie, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. It was a seriously long one, 3 hours. I felt that it was a bit draggy. But I must commend the intersting storyline nd the grand settings. They should have shortened the first parts, wehre some scenes did not add value to the plot.

That day was so fun. I met Brian Huang at Dhoby Ghaut 13 mins late. :P We then proceeded to Plaza Singapura where we had breakfast at Macs. Then, we terrorized Plaza Sing, as usual. We played on the lifts. Sat on the escalators. Went gaga over mannequins. Took lotsa pics. Played on the iGallop. Screamed. Laughed. Rolled on the floor. BD joined us a 10.30. We boughht tix for the show at 11.30. We had another 1 hour to ourselves. That day will be etched in my mind. Pics would be up as soon as I get them.

A few weeks ago, we also had the NCC COmpany Camp. It was horrile. I was a facillitator for the group Hawker. I know i did a reasonably good job but just kept quet when I was asked "How did you help your group members?" during the debreif. I just stoned for minutes and gave a one liner as an answer, "I think I helped by fulfilling my duties as a Facilitator I/C." Mr Mok must have thouhght I was a slacker. Ok, anyway, my group came in second overall, a show of how 'good' we were.

WHOA. This March holidays are so packed with homework. Those teachers give out test papers as if they were giving out frebies, except that this time, no one wanted them. Haiz. I know I am going to have a hard time. Anyway, to a faithful readers, thank you for dropping by again despite the hiatus. Special Message to Wei Liang: Hi, if you are reading this. Hope you are having a great time this holidays. And hope all other readers would have fun too!!

Today in My Life

2009-01-22T15:56:00.000+08:00

Hello :D I totally missed my blog. A lot of things have been happening recently. But none of them are worth mentioning on my blog. Maybe I should mention that I am finally recognised in my CCA. I am given a post. A small one. But better than none. However, everyone was supposed to have a post in the first place. LOL!

Now, I am in the schoool library. Had 52 emails and 4 junks. It has indeed been a long time since I came online. Ok,behind me is a video being played about reproduction. LOL. Got alot of raw and 'colourful' terms said out loud.

Recently, I went for the RJC open house. I don't think I have what it takes to be a Rafflesioan. Firastly, I might not be able to do well enough to get in. QAnd secondly, I think it would be too much expectations for me to handle. It is the top JC in singapore after all.

My resulyts for the O Level MT Paper is out. If you were following, you would know that I screwwed my oral and Listening Com. However, I got an A1 and dist. for oral. I even lowered my expectations to a B4 when I knew that Lingess didn't do well. Guess Lady Luck was smiling??

I also got to take part in the NanYang Poly $1000 faceOff coz I answered a super easy quest on 987 FM correctly. I didn't win the $1000 but am supposed to get $50. I still haven't got it in my mail box yet. LOL!

Ok, my time is almost up liaox. Till next time! bye.

Welcome 2009!

2009-01-09T23:46:00.000+08:00

I know its a bit late to welcome 2009, but it is only now that I have come to terms with the fact that I am in Sec 4. It seemed like a week ago since I was so saddened by the fact that I had to leave JPS. And this year, I get to leave my sec school, for good. Things truly get better in time.

Ok, Sec 4 started with a rocky patch. i failed my differentition class test, horribly. That was becuse I was slacking throughout the holidays except for a few, where I tried to study. But I am on track now for maths. Next, my weakest subject, Chemistry. Ok, the very first topic and I know I would screw it up. Organic Chemistry. Haiz. Full Geog has never been a problem but this time, its the teacher. Mr Gregory is now teaching lower sec and Jeremy Liew took over. He seriously isn't good. His hjokes are lame. He even said that Peninsula Malaysia looked like a,erm, male organ, and that.. ok, I shan't continue. My blog very clean one.

Today, I went for NYP open house because I won $50 in some competition on Pillowfight (987 FM) and had to go to NanYang Poly to compete for the $1000 prize. I expected to lose taht but the $50 was guarranteed. If you had read my previous posts, you can remember the time I went to Jurong Bird Park in the first day of the Sup Lessons last year. I spent $50 there and now, I have a chane to redeem it. I was seriously desparate. But they said they would mail the 'cash voucher' to us. Fair enough.

Nowadays, I have been staying back after school to study, inspired by Kenneth and Andrew. No wonder Andrew always oes well despite his busy swimming schedule. Simple. He studies. It took me 3 years to realise that. Its still noot too layte. There are still months to go for me to redeem myself. Then still, I have been doing reasonably well for someone who studies only near the exams. And the results for the MT O Level I did last year would be released on monday. I know I screwed my oral. Just hopin for the best. Hope I would be motivated to study till the end of the year!

GoodBye 2008

2008-12-24T23:41:00.001+08:00

Hey guys. ok, it has been a long time since I blogged. I missed my blog. Ok, now, even with the new PC, I don't have access to it because of some problems between me and my siblings. I expect it to be solved by next Feb. So don't expect frequent updtes till then. :)

Firstly, its Christmas tomorrow. Heres wishing everyone a merry christmas and a happy new year.

What I have been doing this holidays? I watched Twilight the movie, watched the match between Singapore and lousy Vietnam and called Soo on pillowfight on 98.7FM and asked for The Man Who Can't Be Moved by the Script. Ok, Twilight was simply awesome.

Currently, I am listening to the Muttons on 98.7. Maybe, I will call Soo today also but doubt that I will get the line couse its Christmas tomorrow. Oh ya, I also went for a 3d2n trip to Malaysia. It was awesome. The food was a bit disappointing according to me but I seriously ate all I can.

I guess this will be my last post for the year. I would also like to wish everyone a Happy New Year. 2008 has been a great year, from the trip to Beijing to the darkest moments. Wishing you guys all the best for a brand new year. Good Luck!!

Today in My Life

2008-11-12T16:21:00.000+08:00

My life has been quite monotonous since the last post. Not much to say except for the 3-in-1 Fiesta this Saturday in JPS. YAY! Finally,can see old friends again. Not to forget teachers like Miss Tan and Mdm Rashidah. Wo HOO!!

D-day for my bro is coming closer but I am the one feeling the pressure. Don't know why. Ok, I am running out of prepaid value in my accvount. Need to check email and then look for my brother. He said he wanted to see how much the roti prata costs. haha. Ok, then carry on looking for Twilight.

P.S: Zhi Hao, JUST SHUT UP.

Today in My Life

2008-11-06T15:43:00.000+08:00

I have finally persuaded my parents into looking for a new computer but they didn't seem excited about it. I guess it requires much persuasion. Ok, I mentioned that Sup lessons ends on 5 Nov. Inddeed it has with the MT O Level Paper 1 & 2 as the Drand Finale. Papaer 1 was a bit harder then Paper 2. I wrote all the answers in my question paper and got my teacher to check them. Sadly, she found 10 marks worth of mistakes. But they are debatable. Hope I do well and secure an A1!

Now, I am in the library. I came here with the intention of looking for Twilight or any other book by Stephanie Meyer. The world around me loves it soo much! Too bad. I can't seem to find it anywhere! I rarely read and if I find it, it would be the thickest book I have ever read. TYhe thickest so far was Mathilda or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I guess. Ok, that was like years ago.

Did I mention that I went to watch High School Musical 3 with SDamuel, ZH and Wei Liang? OMG. That day was so fun. The movie was a bit disappointing. Not as strong a storyline as I had expected. Also, the couple were too smoochy. And the movie only revolved around Troy and Gabriella. Nevertheless, the songs wree good.

The holidays are finally here. YAY! Strangely, it doesn't feel like it. Maybe because of the exams and stuff like that. And when November comes, it means I am gonna be a year older! Not sure if its a good thing. Buit this year, the grandness of the celebration is dependant on my brother's PSLE result. Hoping he would do reasonably well is like hoping it would rain when there are stars and the moon in the night sky. (Is that possible? ANd the phrase "reasonably well" is defined by a score of above 220)Anyway, just hope that he does well.

All those reading this, thank you. the year is coming to an end. My blog is going to be 1 year old. Thank you for going through this year with many ups and downs with me! I had many plans for my blog next year to increase viewership but the thought iof O levels is taunting me. Guess I just have to postpone them. Anyway, having little viewership is nopt too bad too. So thats about it. You guys enjoy your holidays!

Today in My Life

2008-10-31T10:36:00.000+08:00

I apologize for not updating. It was not my fault. My computer crashed and my father was rejoicing over it. I am at the library now. So, don't expect frequent updates.

Firstly, exams. It was better than expected. For the 3 sybjects I mentioned in my previous post, English, Physics and Chemistry, I got 69, 76 and 58 respectively. I had expected to fail at least 2. I was screaming again after realising I got an A1 for Physics after a 7 mark moderation, when I didn't understand half the paper. There was also a moderation for chemistry. However, I failed SS again. 48/50. Luckily, E.Lit pulled me up, together with a 4 mark moderation. I was so close to the 4th in class. Only like 2% away. And I am 14th. -.-

Currently, I am having supplementary lessons till 5 Nov. its my mother tongue O levels on that day too. Sianz..

From the last post, I had beeen to Zhi Hao's house, invited Christopher and ZH over and went to Jurong Bird Park on the first day of Supplementary Lessons. Call me crazy, immature. Cannot upload pictures here. I am just waiting for my $1600 to be returned at the end of thiis year to probably get a new laptop. Till then, I have to go to the library to post.

Once again, I apologize for not posting. :P

Today in My Life

2008-10-11T08:22:00.001+08:00

Firstly, I sincerely apologise about not posting for so long. Singaporeans around my age would definitely understand the need to mug, (or at least pretend to) at this point of time. Anyway, the exams are screwed. I am going to fail Physics, maybe Chemistry and hopefully not English. (YES! ENGLISH!)

Secondly, about Raya. Raya went on just as last year's. But this tme, there was a tinge of unhappiness among all of us. The house where we spent hari raya since I was this tall (put my hand neear my knees, yes, knees) was about to be sold. This was the last hari raya there. OMG. I was damn sad ah. I sometimes wonder why memories are considerd unimportant. I told all my cousins that we should get that house back (And the house my family used to stay like 5 years go and the other one like 10 years ago.), together. It was where my grandmother used to stay. Now, she is staying with my aunt.

Back to Raya. I tried to liven the mood. It was the eve of Raya. I was simply excited. My siblings and I were suppoosed to make our own way there. However, we were late. Ya.. we arrrived only to be bombarded with the same questions over and over again. Soon, people got no longer interested in us. We just movbed on to games, chatting, sharing more secrets etc. So fun.

The next day was Raya. Went to the mosque for solat then reached home 5 minutes after that. Yes, the mosque is just a street away. Got back home, posted that poem, and never cam online till now. So yes, we had breakfast in like a month and then salam everybody. Then we moved on to where it all hapened. My grandma's house. Over there, togethr withcousins young and old, we played Uno and Bluff. So fun. Then we went to my maternal Uncle's house to see my maternal grandma who happened to be there. There were celebrating an unknown pwrson's bdae. Srsly, we were so out of place. My Aunt soon arrived there and I got to see her baby in months! She could now walk, and point out cars on the road, feed her brother some kueh and shrug her shoulders to say she din noe. Then, we went to another uncle's house, and that was hari raya.

Yesterday, Zh and Mik's exams officially ended when I had Geog on Monday. I have srsly been whining about it since the exams began to every family that came to visit us. So, we decided to celebrate, although i had one more paper, its only geog.We first started shouting outside Esso. To get the feel. I scream so loud till gt echo ler. The day b4, ZH and I decided tofind a hawker centre for a change instead of Mc's. We wanted to follow Mik entertain his sister from the States but he didn't allow. So we parted. 132 soon came and we boarded it, not knowing where it'd lead us to. (It was my idea)After a long ride through super ulu places, we finally saw a food court, The LongHouse. We din exactly know where we were. We pressed the bell, and the bus stop was so far away, we had to walk for a long time. To our horror, it did not have any halal food. While exiting the place, I neverle fell and a car nearly smashed its doors against me. Yes, ZH was laughing.

So we came out and saw some terrace houses. I told ZH there must be a main road on the other side and there would be food stalls there. SO we walked and walked but made a din in that serene environment. Once, ZHshouted and a dog replied to ZH. Inthe end, there was no main road. Actually, I already knew that. Just wanted to see waht was on the other side. Turned out to be more houses. So, we some how came out, now, looking for Mcs, which would be everywhere, we thought.Walk walk walk. Growling tummies din help at all. Then we saw 132. It was a hot day, so I just boarded it for the air con. We decided to look out for Mcs on the bus. But to know avail. Then, Mik called ZH asking if we wanted to go out coZ his sis was ill. We agreed and asked the driver where the nearest MRT station is. He said it was the next stop. Finally, we knew where we were. Somehow, we landed in Ang Mo Kio and nearly thought we were accidentally brought into Malaysia.

"I havent seen so many people in hours" was my first reaction. It soon became clear that we were back in civilisation.We took the train to Orchard, where I happened to see my sis!! so tyco. She was with her fren, going for an interview. So, ZH and I brought her to Ngee Ann City and we also saw Zachary who said he had already seen 5 other SJI guys. Thanks for leading the way ZH! We got back to Orchard and sw Mik in black. We totally made a fool of ourselves. It was mianly ZH and I "dog-fightinG" in Mik's words. (OK, he din use dog but something else with a similar meaning) Mik then wanted the toilet. We followed him and were making alot of noise in it that a cleaneer was staring at us as if we were ... "Hurry up wash yur hands la" I said to ZH and we pretended. Mik was laughing at us. Then, we went to MCs. Finally. I got myself a McChickenand a vanilla cone. We sat down at the flight of stairs in front of Hilton/Armani, looking at cars that inched by. (It was again, my idea) We finshed and then walked to the more crowded part of Orchard, where i saw my sis again. It was 4.30 and I had to leave by 5. My sis said she was already leavin and so, i left with her although i hated it. She seemed evilinfront of her fren as if she was embarrassed of me. Shouldnt it be the other way round? However, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise as my mother soon suspected we wre out of teh house. Lucky, I was by my sis and my mother trusted me. I am feeling so guilty.

ZH then told me they had been to Toys R Us! OMG! I had wanted to go there!! Sad that I had to leave at 4.30. Heard they had fun without me there, although ZH said it would have been 'fun-ner' with me around. The problem with my mother suspecting us was soon solved, more or less.

My sis had also mentioned to her fren right in front of me that she preffered mybro to me. Finally, I have seen through her. I have been made used of by her all these times. She described the times my bro helped her as if I NEVER helped her when I was the one who did her so many favours. I thought she was the only one there for me in my family although we had frequent quarrels. Now, I know theres no one out there.

BTW, I would like to clarify a few things. Firstly, I have vowed t=not to ounish myself for the wrongdoings of others, because, it is (selfish and ) DUMB. Secondly, I resorted to that only after a breakdown in my sources of strngth, which I am now rebuilding independently. And thirdly, I never thought it was cool. In fact, it was also coz i thot it was uncooland ugly to have scars. Luckyy, I have dark skin. Easier to conceal. haha.

To conclude this super long post, I would like to say I envy those who have finished their exams and ppity those who havnet. Haha. Good LUCK guys!!

Today in My Life

2008-09-30T18:54:00.001+08:00

Drowning under the surface,
Feeling the pressure.
Crying through the nights and days,
Feeling so faithless.

Looking down onto myself,
Wondering who'd care.
I take a few more falls,
Till I no longer dare.

Plunged in to darkness,
Silence and Peace.
I realize it was not to be.
Found a way to relive,
By learning how to bleed.

Bleeding the pressure off.
Now, I am lost.

Today in My Life

2008-09-24T15:47:00.001+08:00

Something horrible happened today. Firstly, we had Chemistry SPA. It was easy. But, lady luck was not on my side. In fact, man bad luck was smiling at me. I think I added the alkali instead of the acid for one of the readings. I thought I did but then dismissed the idea when I "knew" I did not. I pushed the alkali away. Thus, there goes my SPA. I was very depressed after that. Though I was smiling. Samuel was lamenting about him not bringing PE. Not showing a little bit of concern. I finally realize how you feel, Zhi Hao.

That was not the worse thing. Zhi Hao had been absent from school for the past 2 days. He came back today with a scar on his wrist. I knew who had influenced him. Let's call him T. T has also been very close to me recently. He always cuts himself whenevr he feels depressed. I knew about cutters firstly through Tyra Banks Show. She said that it was mostly girls who cut themselvves.

T often ended up with many scars on his wrist. He said that it was very pleasurizing, as if your pain drains you off your sorrows and regrets. The very curious me, vowed never to fall into its clutches, as T said it was addictive. However, once, I scrathed my wwrist till I started bleeding. I was angry with my parents. I placed the blade on my wrist but could not bear to apply anymore pressure. I left the penknife besideme when I slept. Then, I felt someone touching my wrists. It was my father. He was very good to me after that. Bringing me to McDonald's the next morning. I noticed that the penknife was gone. I thought it was for my own good.

After seeing the scar on Zhi Hao's wrist, I decided to vent it all. I took a staple (bullet) from Samuel and did it. Many many times. I was a bit cautious as I did not want to bleed. The first time I did it with bare nails, I felt pain. This time, I knew why it was so addictive. Indeed, I felt much better. I wanted to continue but Samuel did not want to supply me with staples.

At first, I tried to talk T out of it.Now I am into it. Together with Zhi Hao. CNA has also reported about this, calling it self mutiliation. I rreally don't know. I am not harming anyone;not even myself. A little blood or pain wouldn't harm me. Anyway, I felt good after that. According to Tyra, its because when you bleed, your brain releases the same chemical that makes you happy after eating chocolates. After eating so much chocolates, they no longer have an effect on me. I have been dealt with many depressing moments ok? I know I seem very, very happy-go-lucky on the outside.

Heres a special request. Not many exactly knows about what happened. I just felt like blogging about it. So, yea, it wouldn't hurt to help keep a secret right?

Today in My Life

2008-09-21T21:40:00.000+08:00

I have been begging my parents for a new watch for weeks. I have even told them what I wanted. Instead, they bought me something I don't really like. It felt as if they only wanted to shut me up. ARGHH! I have never this way before.

Today, I was very very hungry. I only read through the Bio TB for 1 hour. Too hungry to work. Lucky, my will power was strong enough to get me through the day. I just helped my bro with his blogskin. LOL. Ok, that was random.

I am reall dying to do something for charity. I feel like a parasite. Sticking onto the achievements of my society without contributing. But then, theres the exams in mere weeks. I am feeling the heat already. Ok, I planned to start real mugging today. Guess I have to start tomorrow. HAHA. This time I want to give it all I've got. Too many people had false impressions about me. I have to prove them wrong.

I havent takepictures for a long time already. The last time was proobablt the time I sneaked out to Chinese Gardens. LOL. But then again, theres the exams. After the exams end on the 13th, its marking days till the 16th. On the 17th, D-Day. If its Delightful, Singapore Flyer, here I come. Right after School. No one's gonna stop me. Followed by Sakura again I guess. Anyone wanna come??

Ok, I wanna watch Hady's drama in Hungary now. Catha later!

Today in My Life

2008-09-18T17:41:00.000+08:00

I just realized that it has been a long time since I last posted. I don't want to flood my own blog with posts so that readers would have time to read the older ones. Me and my theory. Ok, currently, I am listening to Hady's Merpati. The next song is Rihanna's Unfaithful! (Very long haven't listen)

Today, we were supposed to do summary during English but I was singing to Samuel and only had 15 minutes to do it. Of course, I pro mah. Finish well before its due. Haha. These days, I have also been very "high". Haha. I don't know. Its supposed to be fasting month and I must be hungry and thirsty and too weak to do anything. But its exactly the opposite. Wierd.

Social Studies was very fun today. I have always enjoyed Mr Tan Too Yong's classes. He always digresses and can cover up to 8 other unrelated subjects. But its precisely because of that that I like his lessons. Not that I want to slack but the things he talk about are real interesting. Well, at least I think so. Today, he seriously brought out the Singaporean in me. Next time people ask for your race, tell them you are Singaporean. You might disagree, but compare Singapore with other countries. Even in Australia, I did experience racism. Not forgetting Beijing where people looked at me and zhi hao walking together as if we were aliens. Singapore is truly a great country don't you agree? Where in the world can you find such a great country? Although, I know she has her shortcomings, like the lack of liberalisation here, it is still better than many countries.

The exams are only weeks away. English starts on the 29 of September. Then its Hari Raya (YAY!) and then that Friday all the way to 13 of October got papers. Others finish on the 10th but I have Full Geog Paper 2. Sianzz. then its all over. 2 days marking days and then results. Then, school ends after 2 extra weeks of supplementary lessons. Then,its 2009.

Yesterday, I had my Physics SPA. It was OK la. Managed to roughly get near the correct answer. At first, I thought I was screwd coz my results were like haywire. I redid the experiment a few times, only to get the same results. I prepared myself for the worse as I drew my graph. Turns out that it was indeed a straight line! YAY!

Thats about it la. And to ZH, I think its time you really study. You can do it even if you start now. Ok, I've said my piece.

Today in My Life

2008-09-12T20:08:00.000+08:00

Today, I goot to leave classes at 11.10am as I had Live Range 25m. Yes, its live firing. Live M16, Live rounds, Live risk. That was what it was. Wei Liang was pretty supportive. He was like "Its easy lah. and safe", unlike before Bio SPA. I was a Marksman in Sec 1 but got a perfect 0 for Sec 2 IMT. (The computer stimulation). This time, it was the real thing.

We left classes during recess. We changed into No.4 uniform. I was with Mikhail like most of the time. He was very disappointed with his SPA as he supposedly screwed it up. He was like "Saya sumpah..." (I swear..) all the way. And he was also dreading the Live Range, which did not make things easier. And also fasting. He is so handicapped without his water bottle. He damn funny ah. He was like talking to me in Malay while I replie in English. It has been a long time since I engaed in Malay conversations ok. Nicholas was not happy about him speaking in Malay and said in Mandarin that Mik thought Malay was very big. He think we don't understand like that. After alll, Mik is half-chinese, and I did study Mandarin before!

On the bus, we realised that we were not going to Amoy Quee but to Pasir Laba, in Boon Lay. I was very very excited. I live so near to Boon Lay compared to Yio Chu Kang! And passing by JPS simply made me feel better. Over there, we were greeted by some not-at -all friendly officers. One even threatened to slap us if we left campsite without permission. Seriously, I wonder what kind of person he is. We never offended him. He could have told us nicely rite? And if he should slap us, he also doesn't realive that our hands wouldn't be plucking flowers but trying to protect ourselves. Ok, enough about him.

I was in Detail 3 Lane 6. We were with St. Pats. Dunman Sec never came till the end. My Detail was the last to go and shoot. We got ourselves ready and became assistants first. I asissted Nicholas Fung who didn't want sandbag support. After he finished his 2 magazines of 4 rounds and 2 magazines of 5 rounds, it was my turn. Mikhail was shaking. He was very scared. We even had to wear ear plugs for obvious reasons. I adopted prone position. Fredrick was my assisstant. There was noturning back now.

After I finished my 18 rounds, I had to assist Fred. He was good. His empty catridges that flew out after he squeezed the trigger wereso hot even after some time that one burnt through my skin. Lucky, I was quick and dropped all the rounds down. HAah.

It was supposed to have finished at 6 but we finished at 3.23pm. The whole thing ended with a declaration that we do not have in our possession any ammunition and a body scan. Then, we were off on the bus to Boon Lay Interchange. I took 240 home and then watched the encore of MTV Video Music Awards 2008. Britney's Piece of me got the Video of the Year award. My mother, on her last day of 2 weeks leave, wasnot happy. She always considered MTV a "wrong" channel. Actually, I do too, but I watch it for the songs, not scenes.

After thinking through today, I actually am feeling that Live Range was fun. The recoils were strong. My aiming was a bit off. ANd I also realized that I forgot to shoot the right Canadian Bull target. I aimed only at the Left. So dumb of me. haha. Anyway, how often does a 14 (going on 15) year old get to shoot a live M16 rifle?

Today in My Life

2008-09-11T18:47:00.001+08:00

Indeed I have missed out on a few facts. (Check out my previous post) What a relief! I was seriously in disbelief. And I don't think its nice to post about it here. I mean, this is a blog that can be viewed from anywhere right?

Today, I "bled love" a few times. Those sandfly bites were scratched by my itchy fingers till they started to bleed. I went showiing it to Samuel, saying" I am bleeding Love!" I think I burst a venule of something. The blood was purplish in colour. Many of the bites are gone now, but a reasonable amount still remains; as ugly scars. The scars of OBS. And yes, I forgot to mention that we got to see a wild Hornbill in Ubin! How cool was that!

Today, we did our O Level School-Based Practical Assessment (SPA) for Biology. As some classes still haven't finished it, I cannot write the topicon my blog lest my results also get affected. Anyway, I was already "hinted" quite a few times. This kindof thing spreads like wild fire. The question was to be the same for all classes. And we were not supposed to tell what it was after completing it. Guess how many followed that rule. I realised that I was missing a bottle of solution. Lucky I was alert. Sadly, I didn't test my droppers and they were not working well. I just poured the solution in. HAHA. ANd the class was divided into 2. As I was 19, I was the first in the 2nd section. (My class has 32 people.) So, the teacher, Mr Lim, was not really there.

Wei Liang was like scaring me before the SPA that was to start at 9.30am.I was literally shaking throughout the experiment especially when doing things that require much attention. Indeed, I screwed up. Instead of 1, I somehow got 0.5. (I don't wanna tell what) I remember focusing alot, but somehow made this mistake. In the end, I just redid the thing with what I had and left the rest for the examiner to marrk me down. =( But my answer was roughly the same as many of them.

Yup. SO thats about it for today. Now,I am going to have pizza! YAY! It has been a long time since I had Pizza. The deliveryman just arrived. I am going off now. BYE!

Today in My Life

2008-09-09T21:04:00.000+08:00

Today, I couldn't really concentrate in class as I was thinking about something that would get people into trouble if I mention it here. I was like OMG throughout the whole day, in disbelief. Maybe, I got facts wrong. Maybe. To overcome it, I tried to be very active in class. It did more harm. Mr Chua even said my introduction of the essay had grammatical errors. How can it be?! He read it out loud and I clearly heard him read some words wrongly. How unfair! But, then again, maybe I overlooked some mistakes.

I have also been thinking about love. What is love? I just read 'somewhere' that love is not a feeling, its a choice. Or is it? A choice to take care of someone, be with that one person, be cuffed and locked up? Then, it isn't a wise choice eh? To me, Love is more than raging hormones. It is a need, a need for someone, someone who can take your hand.

Now, the question of the line between love and infatuation arises. Out of these, infatuation is tormentous. You think, believe that you like someone and itbecomes a joke after you've gotten over it. Its very unfair. However, I believe that infatuation can bloom into Love. Its all in the mind. Believe. Beiliev in whats supposed to happen and it would.

"Its your faith that makes you stronger. The only way to get better is to take one step at a time"- Jordin Sparks.

Enough about this. ANyway, sorry about this short post. Gonna eat liaox.. To my readers: Believe in yourself and open yourself up to those who truly want to be by your side. :)

Today in My Life

2008-09-02T19:53:00.000+08:00

Its September already. When day breaks, I will have to wake up from this dream, into the year 2009. The year that would decide my furure, and that of those around meand those whom I call mine. Ok, enoughh about time. But seriously, wouldn't it be nice if we had the ability to stop time?

Last Friday was a half day. I did not go to school. :P Besides, I have an MC ok? That day, I went to Jurong Primary. I had planned to meet up with Baljit and my brother outside JPS to go to West Grove to see Mrs Hasan, the best tamil teacher ever. I havent seen her since P6! She had moved to West Grove after learning that JPS was to merge with Boon Lay Pri Sch.So, I met Baljit at the 333 bus stop. My brother was not there. So, I went into JPS to look for him. There, I saw Shin Yi and Pamela. OMG! Those memories flashed through my mind again. I nearly became emotional you know. 5 minutes passed and I found myself out of JPS. I saw my brother and we went to West Grove. We had a hard time looking for Mrs Hasan. And when we finally found her, she was one storey blow us. We shoutted. She looked up and began screaming! She was soo excited to see us, and so were we. She had to go into the hall to watch the performance. we were watching it too.

It was nearly 2.35pm. I had to go to the clinic or I'd get my sis into trouble. (I don't wanna publicise why) We got her attention and talked to her. I passed her my gift. Her eyes somehow told me that I shouldn't have. It somehow felt like I was insulting her passion for teaching. But that was not my intention. I just wanted to thank her. She then asked if we had girlfriends and how we were doing academically. My bro brought his friend along and Mrs Hasan actually forgot him! haha. We talked for 5 minutes plus. We took our leave.

We proceeded to Jurong Polyclinic.I saw the doctor regarding the insect bites during OBS. I just counted 50+ bites on my left arm and 36+ on my right. And I nver felt a sandfly biting me. I saw my grandma in the clinic and took $14 from her. LOL. I make it sound as if I was such a greedy grandson. The clinic bills amounted to only $6.70!!

We then splurged at McDonald's and then, it was time to say good bye. The next day was Flag Day with Lion's Home for the Elders. It was fun. I woke p at 5.30 only to realise it was too early. I was supposed to meet Zhi Hao at Jurong East MRT Station at 7.30 and Christopher at City Hall MRT Station at 8.15 to make it to Singapore Recreational Club at 8.30 am. I reached JE MRT at 7.20 only to wait for ZH till 7.45. We we=re in time though.

There were SAJC students there. We wreer the only SJI ones as we had came of our own accord. We got our tins at 8.50 and were off. WE managed to get a lot of donations at City Hal MRT Stations but got chased away by the Security Guards. Zhi Haosaid some guy had sabotaged us.

We walked around the Marina area. I was getting alot of donations! Zhi Hao kept saying that I stole his "customers". Haha. Soon, my tin was the heaviest. We walked around Suntec and then came a round-a-bout. We wanted to cross over to the Fountain of Wealth. We approached the road and I shouted "Run! RUN!!" and then "NO! DONT RUN!" after seeing an approaching vehicle. It was too late. (No lar, nobody died) Zhi Hao was on the road. I wqas laughing on the other side when I saw the vehicle approach him with a honk. OMG! How evil can I get?

Chris and I soon caught up with ZH. Boy, was he traumatised. Again, he blamed mefor trying to kill him. We got out of there and proceeded towards the Flyer. The roads were deserted, except for the cars that sped by us. We thought we were not going to get any more donations until we realized that there was a carnival going on at the Flyer. We seized the chance.

We stayed in front, afraid off being dragged out by guards. Then, we were called in by some officials. We were overjoyed. We got majority of the donations form ppl coming down the escalator after their ride on the flyer. Our theory: After an exciting ride, people would not feel the pinch of parting with a few coins. We seriously got alot of donations there. ZH and I decided to go explore for more "gold mines". We walked around and after some time, Chris called. He said that an official wanted us to find the guy who asked us to come in. A clear sign that we wre really not welcome there.

Chris also mentioned that he saw Ms Syed at the Teacgers Forum organised there by the Straits Times.We planned to rip Ms Syed off about $10 or so before we leave. Sadly, wecouldnt find her. Reluctantly, we left the place. Anyway, we had already started asking the same people without us knowing.

Outside the flyer, we saw a bus approaching the bus stop. I flagged it down, without any consultation. We boarded it and were the only ones there. Then, on the bus, I said," What bus are we on ah?" Chris spat out the water he was drinking and started laughing. LOL! Ok, we were on 106. We alightes afetr 2 stops and were looking for Macdonalds to have lunch in. I didnt wanna go to Mcs as I had been there the day before and 2 days ago. I turned and saw Sakura Restaurant. I remember my family going there aftr NDP last year. We went there but were abit unsure about the costs. I joked that we might have to wash plates or grind flour.LOL. I ordered Chicken Fried Rice, ZH had Mee goreng and Chris had Hor Fun. THe food was good. Drinks were a rip off. Lucky I told Chris and ZH to get them elsewhere. Total bill $12. Cheap and satisfying.

After lunch, I wanted to go to Merlion Park. We walked through the Esplanade. ZH was already very tired. But I tried to push him on. We breaked alot thanks to ZH. But I had 3/4 ofmy tin full already. So, I din really mind. Afetr Lunch, we din really ask for any donation. At Merlion Park, they kept teasing me. "Ashraff, why is your wife vomitting? What did you feed her(the merlion)?" HAHA! It was nearly 1.30. I received an SMS telling us to proceed back to SRC. ZH and I were singing our way back. HAHAX. At the SRC, we received a free bottle of NEWater and a bag. But the sense of satisfaction that filled me aftre that was beyond what money could buy. I remember telling ZH, " 50 years down the road, when you are in Lions Home for the Elders, you'd be soproud of yourself". And ZH said," The only reason I'd be there is only because of you."

Today in My Life

2008-08-27T17:30:00.000+08:00

-scratching- Ok, I finally realised I have been attacked by sandflies. The reaction a bit lag hor? My arms are full of pimple-like things that can get super itchy. I wonder why the itch started only today. But its not just my arms. My back too! Lucky never hit the swelling. My back still hurts you know, but much less than when I first found out about the swell. Yesterday, I bent down and I felt the bruise tearing. I touched it and felt some colourless liquid. Sick.

I have gotten my results. How traumatised I was! I am pushed to the middle band of the class! 16/32! From 6/32 last term! The last time I did so badly was in the first 2 terms of Sec 1 when I was in serious denial about the new environment. My Maths, my 2 usually strong subjects, failed me. I guess I was complacent. I didn't practice Maths till the night before. E Maths, lucky found 1 mark. Just nice 50/100. A Maths, 66/100. Actulay I thought I would fail both. I was too slow. I did not have enough time! I felt it was doable-but not "laughable" like what Mr Ingham said. In the end,I got 69.3%. My other subjects were pretty good, other than another disappointing 64 for English and 68 for Mother Tongue.

I am seriously motivated to study. I practiced one page of Maths from my assessment book last night. A good start. I never touched that $10 book, except for its worked solutions. Ok, it seriously is getting irritating to type. Stupid sandflies.

This Saturday, together with ZH and Christopher, we have volunteered for flag day for Lion's home for the Elderly. We are going to Singapore Recreational Club from 9 am. We are so "humanitarian!" LOL!

These days, I have been thinking alot about what others think of me. Why should people have an opinion of others? Why can't they just let me be free? I am being dragged into this circle, where I am not allowed to by myself. I have to act in a way others want me to. Is this what societal pressure is about? I live for myself. But why wouldn't they understand? Why are there premature judgements? Why arepeople so ignorant as tobelieve in what they see and not what they feel? WHy are they so on-the-surface? "Do they see what I see?"

Well, then again, it all starts with me. So now, the question arises: Should I change myself?

Outward Bound Singapore 18/8 - 22/8

2008-08-23T12:32:00.000+08:00

I was on the verge of not attending OBS. The night before, everything went wrong. My grandmother had been admitted to NUH. I realized that I had lost my mess tins and solid fuels. My father could not send me to Punggol the next day. My Ez-Link card had ran out of value and I wasn't sure about how to go there. My watch was on the floor. Luckily, its duo-functional. It can be read through the analogue function and the digital function. My prcious watch was broken with only the analogue part working. I raelised at 10 that I hadn't finished packing. I had also ran out of insect repellent. I had not bought trash bags. The Singapore table tennis team lost to the Chinese team to clinch a Silver. As you can see, everything went wrong. I was in a foul mood the whole day. Screaming at people who irritate me regardless of who they are. Throwing things around and just leaving them there while I jumped onto the couch and switched on the TV, letting others clean up the mess. (I know I can get very stubborn) My father finally said he'd leave it to me. There were lessons for those who did not go to OBS as they are going to OB Sabah. I did not wanna goto "hell". I decided to go for it. With the help of my father, I got everything I needed, well, almost.

It was about 6 am. I found myself in Lakeside MRT station, clueless about what I had got myself into. I took bus 82, together with another SJI boy. When 82 stopped at Kovan MRT Station, many friends boarded, like Saifullah and Gautham and even Lingess. I felt relieved. At the jetty, we had to wait for a long time before we met our instructors. I was in Group 15, or Magellan. My instructor was Abidin, we called him DIn. He was from the same poly as Hady. He told us that we were to be the last to board the ferry. So, we got some Admin stuff done and played games like "This is a solemn occasion", where you have to look in each other's eyes and say that line solemnly. Here's the catch. You cannot laugh. I am easily tickled. As you can guess,I was one of the first to laugh. AFetr a long wait, we got onto the ferry.It was nearly 11am. I sms-ed my mother for the last time and looked out for Ubin.

We got off at CAmp 2. It was handed down by the Military to People's Assosciation. We were briefed about snakes and wild boars there as we surrendered valuables. I volunteered to be the Store I/C, or Logistics I/C as some watches called it. Bryan Tan,my ex-classmate, was to be my "collegue". We were to ensure that all the stuff was accounted forr before and afeter the camp. After that, we had a welcome speech by some "soft" guy, in Abidin's words.It was raining very heavily. We then collected all the food and snacks that would last us the whole camp. After the rain had "subsided', we went kayaking. That was a no problem forme as I had been kayaking at least 4 times before. Except that this time, we used a tri-yak. I partnered with Nathaniel and Kenneth(the autistic one). We had to capsize and got onto the boat back again. It was not a problem. After that, we showered and went off to pitch tents and start our outdoor cooking. Din taught us how to pitch tents. These tents were A-Framed. Much different from those in ACE Camp.We only managed to pitch 2 tents when it rained, again. Luckiny, the food was already cooked. It was sardines, rice and sausages for the day. We rushed off to shelter, where we had dinner. We washed the mess tins in the rain. We then haad a briefing about what to bring the next day, as we were trekking to Camp 1. That night, we slept under shelter as tents were not ready. It was a full-moon night. The moon was a bit comforting.

The next day, we did rockwall climbing. We przcticed on a 3 meter "wall"first. My bealaying was horribl, according to Nathaniel. I thought it was Ok. At the 12meter wall, or the C N C, ( Challenge 'N' something)there were 3 types of wall. Motivated, I tried the beginner one. It went on fine but I ooked down. I decided to fall off. Motivated again, I tried the intermidiate one. I accidentally fell off, decided to try again and inched above before giving up. I had enough. Andrew was damn pro. I reached about the same level as him in both beginner and intermidiate. But he managed to conquer the advanced one, being one of the only 2 in 3 watches combined. (2E). After that, we got our backpacks ready and set off to camp 1. We settled on a campsite. I helped to pitch a tent, thinking I'd be in it when I realised that Kenneth \and a few ohers were accepted. Not me nor Nathaniel. We did alot for them. Broken, we built the last tent that was left unnoticed. Jun Kai, was a slacker in my eyes. To me he was pretending to be sick.In fact, everyone knew he was pretending. He was homesick and was always dizzy. After pitching our tent with only 3 people and others from other tent helping, he came out first with his things and asked, " Can I put my things in first?" when he didn't lift a finger to help us. After that saga, we proceeded onto Camp 1. It looked like a resort hotel. They even had dorms. We showered and had cooked food. We played a few games there. That night, we sleptt with the uncertainty of whether our last minute tentwould collapse should there be a downpour. There were lotsa clouds and lightning. Fortunately, it did not rain through the night.

The next morning, we unpitched our tents and bade farewell to the tormenting trees of the forest. It was said that Marco Polo saw a man half-naked bottom down there. Traumatising. We had Mee Goreng for breakfast and assembled at the court for the briefing for the land expedition. There were to be 4 checkpoints alll over the island. We were given a map, a compass and the grid refernce of these places. On the way there, we were to see the 7 wonders of Ubin, namely, the highest point of Ubin, Cookie Monster, Ubin Village, a gigantic tree, German Girl Shrine, Chek Jawa and the Goddess of Mercy.(There might be mistakes). However, we had to walk with heavy backpacks and tents. The first checkpoint was the highest point. We walked alot to reach there. By this time, Jun KAi had been given 3 days of MC, for nothing. So, only 3 people in my tent could carry the tent. Nathaniel used the excuse of him carrying the MediKit while Benjamin, the tent was as big as him. So, the only fit one was me. But I did not leave them. I still forced them to carry. I can get tired you know. The highest point was quite nice. There was a lake below the quarry. There, we saw a kingfisher, a rare Tiger-something butterfly and some Pitcher plants. We also wennt to the German Girl Shrine. I am also not very sure about what it was. And then, we realised we were taking too much breaks. Din decided tolet us off if we found the next checkpoint as we had to be at our next campsite by 4.30pm. We walked all the way to Ubin Village. Thre, we saw some familiar faces and smells. It was Tay Ping Hui and Dawn Yeo (Sixing in BeachBall Babes). Best of all, I was thinking about shooting a romantic movie against the picturesque background of Ubin, and there, I saw the cameras. Ok, I got all excited about that. I amm sure Din thought Iwas despo or something. I was like "Hurry up or Dawn Yeo will leave!". HAha. Din used that as a bait too. We ended upat a very small beach. The checpoint card was taken down. We played a game there where we had to throw rocks and catch the rock thrown by the person beside you 3 consecutive times. We succeded aftr some practice and walked all the way back to our new campsite by the beach, facing mainland. On the way back, we saw the artistes again. Din was like " 1, 2, 3 and shout Hi Dawn ok?". He went 1, 2, 3 and my voice was the loudest. So pai seh. But she was too busy with her hand phone. We rested and then waled all the way back into the forest. We missed a turn but fortunately found out about it 5 mins later. We pitched our tents on rocks. The night was breath taking. The stars were shinning brightly and the moon was as majestic as ever. Lights from main land were just as spectacular as the shadows of ships passing by inched by. We had instant noodles for dinner. This time, we realised we had left a tent at a resting point. 1 whole tent gone. And the cost to be shared. That night, we had duties to look after all the tents after the naked man incident. My tent was second to go and we had to chase dogs away.

The next day, we trekked back to camp 2. It was not that far. We got up late but reached there before the expected time. We gotourselves ready for sea expedition. We were to kayak round the eastern part of ubin and enter a river that cuts through the middle of Ubin and then back to Camp 2. The expected returntime was 6 pm ant the st off time was around 9 am +. Nathaniel pang seh me and Kenneth after realising that we can partner ppl of different groups. I frantically found a new partnre, Lukky. So I was the back paddler, with an autistic guy in front and an abit blur guy in the guy. Good combination eh? I looked on the bright side. At least I'd be in command. We started off well. I had to give timing as Lukky wasn't able to follow Kenneth's movements. People called me crazy,said I'd lose my voice as I kept that up throughou the expedition. It rained quite a few times at sea. Then, we reachedthe river. It was protected by mangroves. Lethal sources of danger thanks to their prop roots. I was a bit blur, thinking about stuff I don't wanna mention. Kenneth kept moaning as we bumped into the roots. Then there was competiton. Every one wanted to be in front. The river wasn't that wide. We were pushed around. I then played dirty by pushing the bow of others' boats away. LOL. We got lost quite a few times. Thanks to Imran who couldn't navigae well. No other group of 3 watches got lost in the river. Once, we had to carry our kayak across some mud land cause of a wrong turn. My fingers were blistered as I was the strongest paddler in my kayak, and to stay in front, I had to push myself. I gave the 2 in front frquent breaks and paddled extra hard to make up for the lost in power. I got all flustered up once and shouted at Kennet, "Stop moaning! Its not ganna help!". I was one of the nicest to him in my watch. He was shocked. He did not moan after that. (I am sorry). We were also told to do our business in the water. Andrew did so. He said it was damn hard to do it. LOL. After some time, we managed to get out of the river. Our destination was insight. It started raining. I forced myself and those in the same tri-yak to chong all the way. But it was a bit too early. We were in front for quite some time but often lost orientation and had to rudder it back. We also lost precious energy. Many groups overtook us in the end. But we did have potential. It was not a bad team. We washed the kayaks at Camp 2 and washed ourselves up. It was only about 4 pm. We were proud of ourselves, despite making wrong turns about 3 times. Another group of 3 watches came back about 1 hour earlier than us. But we felt we were very,very good. Our next campsite was near the jetty of Camp 2, facing the sea. Nathaniel was not helping out in pitching the tents. He was "helping" in the cooking. After arguing with him, I stormed off. Something was very wrong. I looked for Zhi Hao and opened up my back to him. Mikhail and Lingess soon appeared. There was a large swelling. I did not want to tell Din. I was a bit embarassed. After pestering me, I told him. I was to go to the medical centre at Cmp 1 at 8.30. I went back and saw the tents pitched, dinner cooked. It was rice mixed with instant chicken curry. The rice was abit crunchy. There were also reports of sightings of wild boars. Too bad Ian chased them away. I didnt see them. That night, we talked with Din about "not normal" people. I was abit mischievous then.

At 8.30, I went off to find Din. He appeared at 8.45 with Vivian and Theresa. We used a speed boat to reach Camp 1 in like 6 mins. It was damn shiok! A speed boat for me. Over there, I saw many people. Every 5 steps I took, someone would say hi and ask me what I was doing there. The doctor put an ice pack over the swelling to numb it. After about 25 mins, it still wasn't numb. She asked me alot of questions like if I had hit myself any where or sat down with lotsa force. I said No all the way. Then, she asked if my friends had hit me and i said, "My friends are quite civillised". LoL. She askedif I had packed my bags. I said yes for the first time. I was to stay there for the night and leave for Singapore the next day to go to a Polyclinic to get an X-Ray done. But when we reached Camp 2 again to colllect my bag, Din told me to leave in the morning. I was OK with it as I did not want to be alone. I was willing to forsake the comforts of a bed in an air-con room for a tent with Bryan Tan, Benjamin, LeFa and Nathaniel. Back at the sandfly infested area, I was welcomed by my friends. Luckily I wore longpants throughout the camp except the first day.( must tutup aurat.lol) Jeremy was the main target for sandflies. His hands were disfigured thanks to all the scratching. I only had about 6 mosquito bites. That night I irritated Bryan Tan alot. Ikept the whole tent awake with questions about Bryan's personal life. He mentioned "doggy style" once.I was innocent and asked him what it was. haha.

The next morning, I was told to bring my bags out. But in the end, they said that i didn't have to leave as the swelling had reduced. They then played games while I sat down. Then, it was time to clear thestore. We had a hard time. As I was the Store I/C, I just had to instruct. In all, we lost $294.95 worth of stuff. The night before, one more main tent went missing. With only 15 people in our watch, everyone had to pay $20. I bought the photo for $3. As we assembled in the hall, we foundout that the main tent was found and the lost mess tins were indeed stolen my Malcolm from Marco Polo. They took 5 sets. Thts like 10 mess tins. Fortunately, other groups had extras and we could comeup with 10 sets. I went on to K-po and found out that Suman found out from Galen, his good friend in my group, that we were missing alot of mess ins. Suman knew that Malcolm took them and thats how Malcolm got intoo hot soup. Thts what I heard. In the end, everyone had to pay onlly $14, but there was no refund as brfore the tent was found,we couldn'tcome up with $294 as some did not bring $50. After it was found, it was just nice. I was so traumatised after fnding out that Zhi Hao's group had to only pay $4.20. I did not buy any souveniers. During reflections, we were told to tell one thing you liked and disliked, one person you wanna thank and say sorry to. Kenneth thanked me for paddling so hard. As for me, I thanked the navigators and said sorry to my tentmates for keeping them awake from 10.45pm - 12 midnight.We all then asked for Din's autograph. Din stays in Ubin like nearly all the week. He said his pay was less than $5K but enough to get a sports car. He was also very concerned about us. He was a very good instructor and he hinted that he'd miss us. Well, we'll miss those fun times too.

As we bade farewell to Ubin, we were welcomed by the PE Department on Mainland. My father was too lazy to fetch me. 82 soon came and civilisation seemed too new to me. I watched my first TV after solong. I dropped at Hougang Mall and ate at McDonalds'. I felt like eating something Singaporean and saw Old Chang Kee. I bought a curry puff and proceded home. To me, the camp was a total success. It was not as tortutorus as I thought.I learned about myself. It did strtch my mental capacity but not as much as I thoght ( I am mentally strong eh? lol). Physically, it was exhausting (after walking for nearly 10 KM during land expedition and kayaking for more than 6 hours) but all's fine after a night's sleeep. I am going to miss the times. Afraid of forgetting everything, I am very detailed in this post. I also made alot of friends. My relationship with people also improved. I also talked alot to Andrew. Heis quite shy one. I managed to see Tay Ping Hui and Dawn Yeo. My back still hurts you know. In all, I am going to miss those times. I would like to end this long post with Din's quote:

"Life's a beach. So sufs up and enjoy!"